It is April 2012, and it has been close to 2 months not logging into this private space of mine. It was just an instant I happened to start writing once again.
Something just festered in me, I found myself receiving something I wouldn't thought of having. I do not know and is incapable of conjecturing what that suppose to be. But I felt a different set of something in me, I was being lifted, the burden of someone was lifted instantly.
The kind of feeling can be described as if someone walked into my heart and flipped the switch on, in just an instant of split seconds certain things within me changed. It is not within my comprehension of how such instant are possible? How real was that? Such feelings are intangible and pretty impossible to be explained.
I found a relieve of freedom.
I find myself loving Luoyi in a very different way. Not the loving kind of male and female relationships anymore, but turns out to be what I had been asking for, which is a friendship. The kind of loving, teasing, and provoking relationship with Luoyi had left me. What remains was what God has promised me, a true friendship.
Out of instant, I find terms like: Little Chouchou, Smelly had became foreign to me. Something in me changed. They had truly had became past tense finally. I don't even find myself having the urged to call the nicknames which I used to be calling Luoyi. It is certainly a relieve for me where a new friendship is beginning to build. Certainly God is preparing me something new, because such feelings are totally out of description. I finally find myself having such burdens wiped away wholesomely.
This man who I used to love so much had became a new friend out of so many happenings we walked through together. Theologically speaking, the old had been completely wiped off and refreshes itself. This day on, is about a new love in friendship rather than some old past.
Hugging Luoyi has turned into something different from the past. To me, like I always do hugging a male friend like Mike, Jon and other people as a form of encouragements had arise in the way I will be giving Luoyi as well. It is like after a long 5 to 6 years of walk something just changes so instantly, I want to be Luoyi's friend, truly a friend that will not be able to fall into the grey areas anymore.
It turns out into me, it is difficult to even call him chouchou, this feeling had totally disappear. Its an amazing feeling I cannot explain why. As we walk this way onwards as really just friends, I hope to foster a stronger friendship within him and me.
The chapter of the love for Luoyi now has come to a closure. It is a true final closure with no bitterness, resentment nor whatever it may be.
Thank you Jesus.
