The deep

All along when i thought that i have put that fear and burden of past down. Things which happens still triggers the unhappy past which i choose d to escape. Deep in the the wound is never heal. From the past one year till now, and the incident i met months ago.

I supposed i am really badly scared emotionally. Once i thought i have walked out of that shadow but when the night falls at times emotions still flows and those wounds just stabbed me hard. I was view emotionally strong but i guess i am utterly beaten up once again by the when my heart aches and sour.

I hate this feeling totally! Faithless i guess no longer that person who hold her chin up high and tell herself she deserve to be love. The feeling is sort of, she dont want to fall again. The only way not to fall is to avoid.

I am getting sick and tired of something which i deem unfruitful. Remember the me 3 years back, all out for the search for her Mr Right but now, she dont even dare to step out an inch more. She is just too reluctant from her disappointing past. Its like she is just running on a treadmill at the same spot, perspiring and exhausted but she just couldnt get herself from point A to B. No matter how hard she tired there is a barrier the only way is only to persist and she dont even know why.

When everything comes to him, i just get nowhere and always place myself in a dilemma of not moving front or back. I know i had been grumbling alot to my ** i guess she had said what can. I just cant move on emotionally. I know there are times when i am unreasonable. Its the insecure me. In fact the real me is so shattered emotionally.

I just wish to be left alone, as the more i run and expect, the more exhausted i get. I am breathless, i just wish to get off the treadmill.

ITC

Training course had resulted in a dead beat me. Freaking hell tired for the past days. I managed to replenished my sleep last night for a total of 15hrs of sleep. I was awaken by an sms from Ming at 3.30pm, jieoing for Mambo tonight. Nope i turned it down and ended up hereby updating my bloggy.

In the day,

I went to school today to grab some files and staplets for my mum, packet dinner for them and headed back to their workplace. I saw my aunts in the workplace and told them i am working as an insurance agent now. Something which amused them and turned them away, anyway i do not have any intentions to sell it to them either and wont want to as well.

Save my saliva, pointless and i fairly know i do not need them to survive in this industry not to be sour, i do not want to waste my time to explain or persuade them, anyway my Million dollar round table (MDRT) auntie will service them well i hope.

When the possibility is an absolute zero u realized no matter how hard you input into it, it will always be = to zero. Especially in in this line. I do not know if cold calling helps or a wastage of my resources people are getting irritated by this cold calling stuffs and even when you are sincere not to sell anything, they are not there to response. Singaporeans are too immured.

April and Inez
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Dear all.
I will have a piano duet with my student Inez at Vivo on the 1st dec at 3pm. I guess i'll just have fun out there and most importantly to give more confident to Inez. April and the rest of the students from Magic Fiddler will be play violin and piano duet with Teacher Shirley.

The working life

Working life had started ever since i passed my insurance module 5 & 9. I'hv got my first official interview with my director and its time for my to run fast for my short term goal. I am not going to benchmark myself against anyone in the unit but to expect more from myself. A target i set which is different from what my manager had set for me.

I want to fly in that job and hopefully to be how i expect myself to be. There's something i wouldnt want to do, people my age is so difficult to get the message across, they just to understand why they should protect themselves from the risks they face.

True enough we are young, and most of us would feel, its not applicable or most of them feels that they had enough protection which is not true at all.

I had been thinking this problem, that a friend of mine, i shall name her "J" born in the yr 82. She is suffering from leukemia for the past 3 yrs. Still surviving. Its sad to see her party and drink as hard as she can, to her, life is no longer meaningful. She was only 21 when she was diagnosed. She is not really that close to me, she is my buddy's ex gf to be exact. "J" was still looking for a suitable bone marrow, she was lucky i think because if she has a rich dad who pays $8600 every month for her treatment. This really makes me ponder as, if she has a poor dad maybe she had died long ago.

dragged for 3 yrs and my buddy said; wah if she is a healthy person she would have get a new car every yr.

Its Nov

Had been awhile since i last up dated my blog. Exams and more exams are driving me crazy. I'hv lose track of time and there's a dozen of unsolved problem. True enough i didnt use pragmatic ways to solve it rather i'hv choosed to sweep it under the carpet.

There are indifference in the style of living the way of attitude towards what ever things that happens. I have come to realize what are the things i may be longing for and what are the things i cant expect on.

Those things i missed in the past, things i'hv gotten now. Things i've lose and gain. I just hope and wish that things will go on fine with lesser conflicts and a more promising future.