Day 387

Day 387

Before bedtime and lying on my lovely bed blogging.

I am starting to love the dress down me, with bareless make-up ever since my complexion improves drastically by the help of face cream stanley got for me.

No more drama mama lashed lashes extensions nor fakies, I see just me.

In pior of the entry I did yesterday through my lovely little Nokia,

what happened today,

I met my hubhub chouchou up for a short meal along the east area before heading down to Enghan's place.

Few questions he asked really kept me thinking. I realised that reason why I am not in a relationship with anyother man.

It is definately not because there are no eligible men around, but I cannot have a relationship with divided heart.

I cannot love chouchou and love someone else.

I hate lying, especially lying to myself.

My chouchou aged.

Many times I have this impulsive action to just touch his jawlines or stroke his head as my expression of love and adoration towards him but I kept it back.

I want to give a kiss of comfort and love of his cheeks but I held it back.

What held me back?

It is not that I do not love this man, but I do not want to appretite back the kind of former relationship we used to lead.

The word NEW kept reminding me,

only a new transformation of mind has to be form in him,

if not, he will not have the conviction to commit himself into any relationship,

not to others and not even to me.

May it be, I can be someone who is like a parasite ringworm dwelling in his intestines.

The thing is the 2 of us is, holding each other's hands and putting our arms around each other has been such a norm thing to do even when we are not in a relationship.

That is pretty strange for 2 individuals who are not even in a relationship.

It is 100% certain that, that didnt happen for any of my ex-boyfriends.

I gave a name to the both of us deep down in my heart,

" Yes, we are the most familiar strangers "

I said: This Chou is the biggest-est bully in my life,

*smiles* 

May it be, I truly see him such a blessings to me.

He likes to say stuffs like, yah . .  must be in last life I owe him too much, and was made to repay this lifetime.

But the fact is, it is otherwise.

Without him, the Kaiqi today cant be made.

Indirectly he shaped me, he inter-connected me somehow to God.

In the past when I first come face to face with God,

God keeppppp telling me this,

Remember this guy who you think has hurt you do deeply IS YOUR BLESSINGS!

Back then, I will just scream back to God, DONT BLUFF.

Walking with God till today,

I really sees what God told me 2 years ago.

Indeed Chouchou is the greatest blessings to me.

Many friends, especially my closest, they think that I am mad.

and that jerk who has been bringing you all sorts of pain, you say is your blessings?

MAD.

I am never pessimistic of what they said,

I am not trying to be sturborn,

for I just hold on to a promise not issued by human beings.

Dear friends, 10 years down the road, you will understand what I am talking about.

For you have not been there and done that.

I do meet alot of people who fervently receive what I shared.

They older couples, and they agreed to what I've told them what I went through. 

They simply pointed to themselves, 

we walked what you are talking about.

3 different couples I've met, 

they told me the same thing.

They told me, love can be the strongest faith ever.

And with this amazing grace of love in you,

you are walking a great journey,

the joy will be endless.

Seven, you will not regret but praise God, for holding on this special potion of love. For God has delicate it specially for you. 

It is only for chouchou I found out the differences

1. Love v.s companionship

2. Love v.s routine

3. Love v.s sex

4. Love v.s familarity

5. Love v.s time

Dear friends, love is not just companionship, not routine, not sex, not familarity nor is it time. When love breakthrough all these barriers, you know, you found the one.

This is the kind of love that holds the power to breakthough all difficulties in life.

I've found mine, and is committed to follow it on for the rest of my life. That is the true roadtrip towards authentic happiness and prosperity.