Everything just jammed up

I had a million and one unhappiness contributed by SIM, the course coordinator just fuck everything up, 2 separate invoices with chucked up to around 5.7k and my management accounting happens to collide with my organisational behaviour. Sucks sUCKS SUCKS~~~~~

Thursday

Had a shopping day out with my family at vivo city,

I didnt get my DKNY jacket nor my Calvin Klein Clutch bag

Instead sis got a great harvest.

Vivo doesnt have the stuffs i wanted.

Our intial plan is to go shopping at Orchard

Mum suppose to get herself a burberrys handbag but

time doesnt allows us to travel to orchard

mum has got ST in the evening.

There goes my jacket and clutch bag *sob sob*

Met up with my tong tong pig in the evening

we brought Jenna to centrepoint to look at the Giant Rabbit

too bad its sold.

==================

Spending time together

=================

Tong tong is really stress up with work,

work load for him is getting heavier and heavier

i do not want to be a burden of his.

Thou he is rather disappointed with what his friends gave,

but dont be discourage my du bee,

u'll have me around always to give you my support.

Dont be discourage for what your family says

show them and prove it to them they are wrong.

Prove it to your aunt,

u can support a living for you and ur family by not only working in a bank.

You have all faith from me,

You will do it my love

I can foresee after my sch starts,

we will spend lesser time together,

but dont worry my love,

i will be more understanding towards you

i will pump in more faith, more paitence, more love

to keep us going.

===============

You can do it my love

===============

I know you can.

You are on the right path,

thou there might be some discouragment

i know u will make it big one day

and that day will be soon to come.

You work hard in order to secure our future

building up our future together

building our future home

building a family

its tough

but one day when we really do it,

all the hardwork will be worth while

I see the responsibility in you after so long,

I am so happy

I really feel secure

In the past,

We may be sleeping within an arms' length

but i feel the insecure

Now, we hardly spend that kind of time together

but i felt we're so close together

We will work together as one.

We'hv attained a different level in us

we are one step closer to our goal

I know towards our goal,

We will help each other

always hand in hand.

The giant rabbit

It may look not as giant but in fact it is.

Its at the basement of centrepoint orchard.

it measures at least 35 long.

A great day out

Had a great shopping and dinning out. I woke up early in the morning and went down to my music school to teach my new student celab violin that hyperactive child is driving me crazy taking a violin bow as a sword, pretty usual for mischievous little boys to do that and contribute to more broken violin bows. Headed down bugis to meet up with Alan for lunch. In the meanwhile waiting, went to some shopping alone and had gotten myself 2 dresses and a pair of heels.

Pasta at shaw centre was worthwhile, reasonable pricings and great taste.

The Giant Rabbit

Saw this giant rabbit at centrepoint pet shop,

Indeed a giant rabbit,

The enormous 4 month old rabbit weigh at around 5 kg

OMG its the size of my baby shih Tzu

Took a picture of that,

But my cell phone's batt is running low and couldnt shw it to you guys.

Met up with Stacy together with Alan at Tangs Studio,

We found ourselves a comfortable area at the mac cafe and start our conversation which lasted for a couple of hours.

Indeed for every met up with Alan there are things to learn from him,

Things he said usually enriched my knowlegde.

We talk about everything which range from

economics to properties to daily applications to life and many more.

We talk about Tsunami, giant waves from fall ice berg which cause elephantine waves which cross to about 100 metres above sea level.

Tsunami wave ranked the 3rd and 2nd are those seen in the movie the perfect storm.

Dinner time

Xian came down to meet up with us after work and i buy her dinner as a belated birthday treat

Xian is doing property and indeed she had got much of valuable advises from Alan and i suppose it should be educational to her.

Thanks my buddies and friends, you guys made great company.

The Face Black Black Fund

The 10 dollars Fund

His words didnt hold, less than 3 days our bet had already been concluded

I have got an pending 200 bucks in my Face Black Black fund.

Today is also the day, he asked me to marry him.

How would i not want to get married to the person i love?

I can tell he is afraid to meet my parents especially my dad

he feels that he cant give me a secure living at the present moment

of course i would want to be the person whom he will to spend the rest of his life with

It wont be easy my dear tong tong,

Living together isnt easy

We have got plenty of love for one another

but patience should be plenty as well

understanding should be plenty as well

We will need to compromise

At the present stage of what we are in,

let build these up bit by bit

In the future there might be better people we meet out there,

a marriage doesnt stop any of us upon meeting these people

more attractive, mesmerising

A marriage doesnt give us any excuse of not falling for more attractive people

Everyone should have the right concept for marriage

its not to hold you on upon searching for the better

but the tell you that you have already gotten who you would think

is the best in your life.

Do and dont

There is alot of things i would want to do and many donts i wouldnt want to persist anymore. I will love myself more and have more things to occupy myself with rather than doing some stuffs which others may find it silly enough for a commoner would want to do and stress over it. I would not want to look into his phone or neither being so worried about whatever things he want to do. It concerns me, but its out of my reach to reform anything i have come to realise it. The more i care, the more unhappy and argument it will just lead us to.

I 'hv come to a conclusion nothing will change. I'll just have to accept it or to leave it. In my case where i have choose to accept it, i'll have to stop anything which will cause more miseries to myself or to others. I do not have the power to do anything about whatever it is.

I have been updating my joy and realise its half gone, may it be crap or nonsense i wrote in there as much as i m concern we cannot compare.

He is doing the best he can and its utterly unreasonable for me to ask for more and more. If that could be the best he does, i should be glad he treats me better than anyone he came across in his life. Learning to accept the flaws and accelerate on the better points he had.

Thats life it would be miserable if one keep comparing with the past and draw a benchmark which makes up to a good or bad. Its up to ones ability. Its up to my ability as well.

All i wish is to reduce any misunderstanding we could possibly have. Try not to pin point onto the bad where initially at the start of the relationship no one would want to do that. Its a personal liking and style one would like to be comfortable with, no rights or wrong. I just hope to move on towards a better future with more selfless and less selfishness in every phase of it.

Why is that so?

Why is that so? Seeing my dear friend suffering and i cant help or do a thing. Why do guys like to jump into a new relationship when the previous one is still hanging in the mid air? Seeing her being so troubled, I told her to leave thats the only thing i can help not to feel hurt further. I know she is hurt, tired and she feels that she is just a life bouy. I really have got no idea how to console her. She said whenever she feels like talking, he says he's tired and do not wish to talk anymore. She had got no idea why she is being entangled into such situation. And it's usually the guy who dont want to be firm and make a decision or outcome to it, they just like to hide, or drag it along. In the end we're left the ones suffering. Indecisive. She is once like me, believe, understands, trust, loving yet the nice ones ended up getting hurt.

From the past till now

Its true that dwelling against the past doesnt heal,

Things had happened

Past tense and done with

All we can do is to change what we have now

instead of desolating what we do not have

Let change and mend the imperfect in the past

We wil have to build our own

With love and care

paitence and understanding

Let it live like never before

Together we will see a graceful ending

Nurture and love it.

Black - Adopted frm sweetzwine

Unhappiness and misery are the least I should bring upon people
be it direct/ indirect..such behaviour should not be tolerate..
Perhaps without my incompetence, they're happier and less frowns..
I'm sorry for being such a trash..I MUST CHANGE..
If all else fail, I fail as a human..
I ought to vanish then..

---

Now i know Im incapable to love .
Insensitive.
Stupid.
LOW IQ n EQ
IMPATIENT
CLUMBSY
SHORT TERM MEMORY.
INTACTFUL with LANG.
HOW USELESS CAN I BE.

FLAWS.FLAWS.FLAWS.

She wants to hide

THE DARKEST HOUR.THE MOST TROUBLING MEMORIES.FEAR. HOPELESSNESS. DESPAIR.

She is hopeless, she cant find the reason to be happy anymore. She just cant stop tearing. She lives in fear where there is no one she could turn to. She no longer dare to dream anymore. To her, to hope and dream is something unreachable.

It was darkness. Her life is no longer colourful what she see is only grey and black. She will just live in her own world, shiver and tremble. She is totally wrecked, physically and emotionally frail. She imprison herself in the world of hers. She has got scars all over her emotional being. Living in solitude world she isolates herself from the constantly moving world. She is left standing alone the pouring rain the tears just cant stop falling. She is defeated like the 5 swords, she stabbed herself hard, but no matter how hard she try to stab, nothing overcomes the fear and emotional pain she had in her. She is left dying. She will just get drown in her sorrows. She dont even have the strength to armoured her up anymore. She will just stand alone in isolation all by herself.

The broken vase

I had a beautiful dream last night, i dreamt that i fell from the balcony of merchant court hotel and i was crushed. That was the night i escape to a solitude world of just myself. I hide myself from everyone around me. Cut off all the contacts. It was so vivid i can feel the moment when i leaped off the platform of the balcony. At that moment my heart drenched i was in a beautiful white dress, i was dolled. I sit alone under the sky of stars looking across its the river and people screaming when they were being threw off the reverse bungee. I remember every single detail. I was in room 132. Sipping my wine as usual tuning onto class 95 on the hotel tv, i started writting non stop on the papers provided. I went to the balcony for a smoke, I pulled the door open, cold wind gust across my dress. I walked up and climbed up the balcony, closes my eyes. I took a deep breath. Opened my eyes i looked up a sky full of stars. I balanced myself on the platform and looked down, all of a sudden i felt freedom. I threw my wine glass down and sees it smashes when it hits the edge of the building, i smiled. The wine splashed all over, i took up my wine bottle and drink it directly from it dazing look across the river at people partying in the club. I smashed my wine bottle against the wall. It brokes it cut my hand, wrist and elbow. Blood flows out, i smiled. I held my wrist harder, blood dripped onto my white flawless dress. I leaped across hoping i will gain freedom and i did.

To and fro and to

Woke up in the morning realised i didnt call to wake my tong tong up, i jumped up grabbed my cellphone and smsed him immediately. Thank god he is awake le. He told me he's going down to office to sign the contact and will be meeting me for lunch and do some shopping together. It was 10am in the morning. I foresee that it will take at least a few hours but tong tong assured me that he can leave after he signed the contact. Well since he put this up i wont want to object him even thought i know its quite impossible to sign any contact without briefing. He is the kind of person, he believed in himself too much and at times wont even take others advise into consideration.

He told me off saying why didnt i tell him that. In my mind i was wondering, would u listen? didnt i told u lets meet at 3?

This suddenly came into my mind. He told me his family has gone no objection for him to stay out late, go drink or what so ever. Hearing his dad nagging at him for drinking so frequently was that so? They told him off ample times, its obvious he just turn deaf ears.

For so many years of naggings for the things he did, did he change? the answer is no. Knowing me for less than a yr, my words do hold a weight in him? I dont dare to say. Sometimes yes and sometimes no.

He feels that I am stupid. I dont say something smart but i say things due to my past experiences. There's quite a number of occasions where he doubt my ability. Those words really do cut. He doubt with my stupidness how the hell i got into the university. He did say that to me. He used to say i use my wit on a different matter. Frankly speaking i dont really wish to use my wit on u. Its real scary when a woman would wan to start to plot and narrates a story.

He can be very loving at times, he's sweet, he pours water for me, pat pat me to sleep, bring me herbal tea, peel da hao da for me and many many more. I really love those time.

He does have his silly times but did he realise did i once complain or grumble about that? He is the kind of person who would want pple to remind him of what is right or wrong, what he can do and what he cant. I wont do that just like how people around you did, I believe you are old enough to think and judge what is to do and not to do. I realised even by saying or telling you what, you wont take into account, so why waste my breathe. You know the pain when you do it, learn from it and not to repeat the same mistake again. So many years of ur parents shouting screaming and stuffs they dont reform you. So bottom line screaming and shouting doesnt help.

I hope i can be the one whom he will really grow up and be a man with. One day he will be sensible enough to tell me and show me, he has reform into a man, a better man who will care and love most importantly to think before he speaks.

I do not know will i be the woman who will be till the end with him but at least for the moment, i just wanna support him and be there for him. Maybe one day god decide to take me away without any warning.

E.G.O

Man with a huge ego

1.cant accept changes
2. cant adapt to environment
3. likes to grumble
4. listen to opinions but does nothing about it
5. turn deaf ears to naggings
6. high expectation of others
7.Give ample reasons for mistakes
8. dont admit they are wrong
9. self centered
10. selfish
11. cannot afford to lose face
12. dependent

Men and women, do u fall into this catergory?

A friendly advise,
A Big Ego makes a fall in many things,
Build regrets,
Its not edible,
Nor its priceless,
Its something not friendly at all.

Hi people, you will definately be more lovable, adorable and likable if you are willing to just reduce a few points i'hv just mentioned.

St James

Taken outside St James power house.
The crowd was surprisingly good yesterday, took a stroll into the boiler room and movita. Great music, but not so great people. Looks unfriendly to me. *Boo*

I was sitting outside power house and noticed a lady puking by herself at the side. Out of goodwill, i offered her some tissue paper. But that wasnt something nice, not even a look up or a thanks when she walked past me. *Another Boo* Super unfriendly crowd. I was wondering why my Tong Tong fancy power house so much.

I met Jas at power house and she asked me did anymore ever mentioned i look like michelle chia. Lol i told her nope, my figure sucks, and i beg she isnt that hairy as i m.

Mei was understanding and she went back home knowing i would want to take care of my tong tong pig.