Hero

In time,

you will find the truth when you'll to seek the way

Day 471

I really love my church, my life

My favourite BABY DELICATION service

 Baby Mattius and Debora

 CELAB!!!

 We are a big family and we pray together hand in hand!

A place of agreement is a place of power

Day 470

Day 470 - This is the last and I am walking on faith and trust each new day

The everyday rainbow I asked for from my Father has been appearing and I give thanks to my beloved dear Father Lord being so faithful to me. I've left to walk on a new stage of my life.

Everynight during my prayer evening, I will lift up my requests to Father in thanksgiving and with love. To spend time with my trustworthy and faithful Father God. To pray for the desire He impressed into my heart each night.

Still do, I pray for Luoyi everyday, I pray that God will shape him into a better man for his own good. I left him totally for I know God will take good care of the situation.

I've deactivated my facebook account, deleted Luoyi's contact numbers which I dont have any memory of. Blocked him from Whatapps. I left feeling calm and peace in me. I know my Father lord has led me into this. Truly I regained a kind of joy which I do not know where it comes from.

It felt like a release of bondage in this tiring relationship I've been going through for coming 5 years. God is a good God and He will stage not only my heart. I know when He deals with me to do that action, He will handle Luoyi's part to refrain him from contacting me at the same time.

This relationship of spouse loving kind of love has come to an end. New day, new life, seize the day!

Thank you Father. 

Love.Faith.Hope

Day 451 - 469

Day 451 - 469

Titled : Happiness

I was at the poolside when this jumps onto me: Generations come and go but it makes no difference. The sun rises and sets and hurries around to rise again.

It seems like many things and events in life are futile. Things are never new, I am not implying in technology or some medical breakthroughs, I am just merely speaking upon human relationships in the pursuit of happiness in our lives.

I've never understand this meaning of happiness until I met "happiness" itself who is God. For certain reasons in which I cannot even give a rightful explaination of how such happiness comes by. Such joy from the Lord even when I am in a difficult financial situation of stretch.

Taking finances aside, I mean finances are important but they are not the most important of things in my life. Money come and money go, money spent in a wise manner determines financial well planned. Money can be calculation, budgeted and forecast in some sense, what I feel which is more important is things we cannot measure, touch, calculate or forecast.

1. Situations

2. People

3. Feeling and emotions

Life's experiences are not always happy. But the world tells us to demand happiness, do all we can to attain it. Making personal satisfaction as our chief goal. In writing this part of my own life, I discovered that wealth, power, position, wives, husbands, girl friends or boyfriends and accomplishments can have the power to create a temporary getaway of happiness but it is never lasting. Meaning, you can have everything in life yet you are not happy.

Happiness is an elusive goal because people and circumstances change quickly, something quicker than what we can imagine. Sudden emotions, heartaches, lost of money, love ones just to mention a few.

True and lasting happiness, however comes only from pleasing and obeying a certain direction and will in life. Which I call Him God. Thus happiness cannot be achieved, somehow or rather in life, you will get disappointed or let down by something, some people, somehow, you just feel unjustified of what you received.

I look at a few people in my life of how can they live such a beautiful joyous life. Other people might think that they are kind of pathetic, but from the kind of joy they give out, just one word or describe Brilliant !!

They just sparkles like diamond 20 carats in whole.

No matter how blessed we can be, up to a certain degree we arnt satisfied. To what degree can we live in total happiness, where no matter what hardship and storms that try to wreck our lives, we flip it and changes it into happiness instead?

The answer is happiness cannot be achieved; it can only be received. It can be recieve only through a right and strong relationship with God. 

Question here, do u think God will worry about tomorrow? Frankly I dont think so, God is never worried. It is not his nature. 

Therefore when we have a strong relationship with God, our worries turn lesser. We start to adapt to his nature residing in a sleeping corner in our heart. Remember he blow his breath into the dust he made from earth and human came into life. Every single one has the ability to ignite this breath of God in us, whether you are a christian or not. This breath determines our destiny and wakes up the giant sleeping in each of us. 

For reassuringly, many times, we do not know what is the best for us, we do not love ourselves enough, that is the reason we keep falling into that shit hole, loving someone you thought you love, which the fact, maybe you do not or hurting someone who loves you more than yourself. Love is really profound, until you met Jesus Christ in a personal encounter, you then realised that to love, is to be like Jesus Christ. That is the selfless love.

Well the day I said a certain thing, " Break me God, so I'll be like Jesus Christ, break my heart for what breaks yours Jesus "  Testings came immediately, God took the most important thing in my life away. Totally and immediately. I was somehow forced to obey and choosed love. Broken till the max, shag till the brim, no hope, no vision, no life, nothing, I just dazed. My mind blanked out, but His love comforted me, and gave me His vision.

Truly till today I've walked, I've never regret telling God to break me. He shaped me, not only He shaped me, He shaped the man I gave up into God's hands. 2 years from now, even thou we are not together, the kind of love Luoyi and myself has really got tested and grew stronger, clearer, and in a better direction. I realised when God break and shaped me, I committed my love into God's hands to shape the love in both of us as well.

Even for parents, their love for their kids sometimes ended up hurting their kids. For daddies and mummies whom you thought you love your kids by doing alot for them and neglected them by not giving them time to spend with you.

For those who love yourself so selfishly, you shoot the arrow back at yourself too, as you will turn futile living in you and your own world of narcissism with me myself and I. Which is self illusion and end up with the whole world against you. 

So do we really know what is good for ourselves? Until you have a right relationship with God our Father, then you will know what is best for you in obeying Him. For He is the one who really knows us and prepares the best for us. If you are chasing happiness, you will never find it, if you are seeking God, you will find everlasting joy. 

Day 412 - 450

Day 412 - 450

I am tired, truly tired . . . . . . exhausted, just leave me alone for the time being. ^.0  Just let me be, filling my emotional tank once more. A breakthrough is coming and I have to walk this through this myself.

Day 411

Day 411

It has been a real long while not updating my space. It had been an amazing God gave journey. Truly it has been a while since I on my lappy at the same time. I had been really busy with work, with ministry and with meeting people. Touching souls one at a time, and protecting lives one at a time.

What Pastor Kong said to me is really true. The way to bring light to the world is to be the light that lit up lives of people. Bringing light to darkness. The darkness refers to the heart condition of people we met every single day. Giving hope, giving life and walk them out of darkness.

Certaintly I am not a professional in doing that ministry but I sure do my best.

It was a different light in the night

I finally watched smuffs, with an incentive of my chou chou Luoyi hugging me by my side as we spend time together. Chou was smiling with such a silly big wide smile and he indulged talking to himself saying, this is just so loving and this is happiness. I smiled lying on his arms as we cuddle thoughout the movie.

Love can truly be so simple, simple hug, simple kisses, gentle stoking on each other's head and the cuddles we had enjoying the companionship of each other. Eventually I fell asleep spooning him till daybreak. I truly felt his heart beating as he cared for me. He did raise up the question of asking me of getting back together, he thanked me for loving him so much. I didnt reply him, I know the answer deep down in my heart. I will not get back with him anymore, if my Father God didnt say yes.   

My prayers

God I really thank you for Luoyi, thank you Father for touching this man through me. Lord I know, he felt Your love for him. The kind of comfort You gave him through me. Those hugs of encouragement and those love You have for him. Lord as I pray, I ask for an encounter of You Father. Lord, my love for him cannot be perfected if not for Your love that flows in me. Jesus touch my beloved Luoyi's heart, let him come to know You only You can. Thank you Father for blessing Luoyi and myself so much, and so much, You are El Shadai, the Lord of more than enough. Thank you Jesus for redeeming me at the cross.

Movies In Minutes - Final Destination

I seriously hats off these 2 guys! They are happy, Tee hee-ly happy!

Dear Ryan - Epic Meal Time

yah, 5 million viewers in 2 weeks

Teehee ~ ~

School of Theology

Be blessed by our School of Theology graduates 2011

I am so proud to be a graduate from School of Theology that changed my life, gave me strength and show me hope.

^^

Hillsong - Oceans Will Part - With Subtitles/Lyrics

LIKE A FIRE » PLANETSHAKERS

HOPE OF ALL HEARTS » PLANETSHAKERS

Why cant this be a church?

Worship team Planetshakers, its hotter than a concert!

Last year, they rocked indoor stadium!

Day 410

Day 410

I spent a night over at chou chou's place last night, it is a blessing to wake lying next to the person I love the most. The weather today is so perfect yet I didnt laze around the bed. As usual I make it a point to do my morning devotion thanking God for every new day He has created for me.

My learning point for today, God says to me: I didnt love you for some conditions made by the world or the weaknesses you have. I love you my dearest child without conditions. I smiled and thank God for His faithful love towards me. God says; because I didnt love you with conditions, you shouldnt love others expecting a return too. Your returns are in my hands, look upon me for your returns not in human. Have wisdom my child, I give it to you today.

God is a good God, and I love whining with my Father God. No matter how old or how young I am, towards Father God, I can always behave like a baby. He is my heavenly Father, and in His eyes, I am always a child no matter what. Sometimes God will want me to do things for Him, so in to bless me and to shape my character, although I will whine and tell God, I dont want, I dont want, Its so difficult to be done. But Father always reply so tenderly, I am with you, no matter how difficult is it to be, do your part and I will fight the rest for you. I surrender to His love for me, that is the reason why, many times, I do things totally beyond my own will.

I always want to introduce my heavenly Father to my luoyi, so he can receive the kind of tender love I received from God daily. So sweet and so peaceful kind of love. In times of affliction, I still can stay joyful and know Daddy God is in charge in my situation. I am not God, so of course it is beyond comprehension of how God think. God just reveal little by little bit to me so I can handle them within my capacity. I totally understands God's character that He will not put me into position of things that is beyond what I can handle. What ever situations, may it be good or bad, God certainly makes sure that I will be able to handle them. 

Thank you Father for Luoyi, Thank you Jesus for protecting Luoyi in his daily life, teaching him how to choose what is good for him. I extend my prayers for him daily without fail. God always tells me this, pray for Luoyi, if you dont who will do the interceeding for him? You know how to pray and you know how to make successful answered prayers, and I will do a good job being my chou chou's prayers warrior.

Here's my prayer:

Dear Father,

Today I speak into the finances of my chou chou, loosen the bondages in my chou chou's finances. I speak life into debts, I speak life into things that is dead in his life. Open up his heart and let him hear you speak, feel your pressence as I blessed his household with abundance of peace and love from you Father. Debts do not belong to us, death do not belong to us, I speak to his heart of doubts let your spirit come into his heart and clear all his doubts about you God. Let him experience you Father the living God, you are not just  a something we idolise about, or brag, you are real, let him encounter your realness. Soften his heart, and let him feel your love that fear cannot exist for your love is so great and so mighty. Let him feel the wholeness of you lord. With you father truly all things are possible. You always say this to me father, it will come to pass, it will come to pass. . . Like the way you shape me with your own hands, shape luoyi's heart to be more like you. I break the spirit of selfishness, I break the spirit of generation curses in his household, I break the spirit of divinity in him, all I speak in the name of Jesus our redeemer. God, luoyi belongs to you and no one can, no angels, nor devil, or principalities should divide him away from the purpose of his life. He is on earth to do a work for your kingdom Father, watch his steps and guide his ways. Heaven of blessing, open your windows of blessings into luoyi's life, I sow my love for him with you Father. I know that you will grow it in ur own perfect timing. Thank you Father and I ask all in the name of Jesus. Amen. 

Hillsong: "I Could Sing Of Your Love Forever" and "God's Romance" Worshi...

[CHC 22nd Anniversary 城市豐收22周年慶] New Day

Why must a church be old and irrelevant?

Preaching of scriptures that people dont understand?

Why can't a church be engaging, cultural, and relevant to the faces of life?

Church should bring power, life, joy, and encouragement to people.

If church today dont speak the language of the society, who will understand?

If church today dont tell you how to be better in life,

how to not give up,

how to have endurance to receive your blessings in a comtempory way,

who will even understands what James in the bible is talking about when he wrote about endurances and difficulties in life.

How to handle and tackle difficult situations in our lives?

If you are like me, "once" who is one of the church hater, ESP this City Harvest Church,

have doubts about why this church keeps talking about love,

Today doubt your doubts,

City Harvest do not pay me to be one of their members,

they do not pay anyone in their seat,

but someone on that seat (probably a doubter or a hater) like me,

has a life changing testimony because they sow a God's seed in my heart.

[CHC 22nd Anniversary 城市豐收22周年慶] Summary Video

In the past, I am as skeptical as whoever it is towards this place, I think they were demonic and weird people speaking in what tongues.

I think they were flamboyant and extravaganza, spending too much money on the unneccessary things, stage productions, music productions etc and etc.

But when I walked in and turned into a part of them,

Love changed me, Joy filled me,  

for all the volunteers, all music production team, video crew, musicians, lightings crew, actors/actresses in drama production, the ushers, the securities, the rehearsals, the planning and coordinations,

the spirit of excellence,

truly, this place really walked a long way of 22 years and there will be many 22 years ahead.

A place I truly call it home.

City Harvest Church 22nd Anniversary (Because You Loved Me Special Item)...

Everytime I wanted to give up, Your love held me up, You showered me with Your love, with all my heart and soul. Thank you my Father. I really do thank you for City harvest Church.

Day 409

Day 409

Have not been that regular anymore in updating my personal space. More than usual, I just get knocked out by the time I get home, especially after my super duper long showers. You have to understand my showering procedures where I shouldn't go into detailed in case some people may just punch me in my face.

What have I been doing lately, frankly speaking the area where I am more anxious about is, its coming to the end of the year, I kept reflecting on what have I done this year? In roughly 3 months time, 2011 is going to end and we will be welcoming 2012.

In times, I wish that time can pass quickly and in times the other way round. I can't imagine in 3 years time, I am turning 30. If I tell you that I do not have any fear, I am lying. But dont be mistaken, the fear for me is never about age like most women are. My fears are not reaching my goals in life.

My short term goals, goals where they are within my reach and I am not trying hard enough, and goal which are not within my reach.

For example;

Work wise - Within reach

Getting into a relationship - I've not gotten out of it

Getting hitch - hahaaa , sound so impossible

Getting married - even more impossible

Getting a pair of twins - maybe when I am in heaven

Getting my first convertible - I am talking about my E200 Cabriolet

Like this:

seriously, if you've test drive that, you wouldn't want to not think about it. I am never a BMW fan, once you have driven a merc, you know what I am talking about. BMW gives blisters on my palm, merc dont, its power steering is just amazing, especially the new Eklass models.

At least for those, working within my means, I can still get them done.

Other than that, Papa God has to do something about it.

Come to think about it, what have I achieved so far this year. At least I cleared my debts and is on surplus. I put on some weight, (Considered?), health has gotten better, I excercised more regularly, Boobs gotten slightly bigger (all thanks to putting on more weight), quit smoking . . . . . . I really don't know what more have I done this year. Very seriously. I am really not too sure where am I even heading for the fact. Thou pastor kong always say, make a plan, make a plan . . . . .  but it seems . . .  abit hard to make my plans work. My plans doesnt work with just me, it works with alot of factors in which I am never in charged. I dont know la,  I just do my best and leave the rest to God, because I really cannot control who I will meet. Especially my clients. I really hands up on that. When dont have, dont have . . . when have, I am like mad woman running all over the place.

All of a sudden, I just felt that christmas is coming, like every christimas eve since the day Jesus saved me. Every christmas eve afternoon I will appear in that same old multi storey carpark where Jesus met me sitted at the god forsaken staircase I didnt die of. This will be the 3rd year going back to the same old place in remembrance on someone named Jesus. For some reasons or what I'll just happen to be there, to hear something, to see something and to learn something. A mircale happened that there one christmas eve, I believe it will be done unto me again. I didnt pray an extravaganza prayer every christmas eve in that carpark, I just had my simple conversations, and a pure hoping heart, how nice and wonderful, if my chou chou can meet Jesus and feel Jesus one day. Like what I prayed for every single night, for my luoyi to gain understandings, and one day to feel the kind of joy I received. sarcasm in birth within my chou chou's blood, never a single bit do I blame him when he laugh and have critics over my believe system. When ever we have meals together, he will pray as thou some kind of sarcasm, but to me, I'll secretly heartedly said to myself, wait till he encounter some real stuffs and giggles within me.

One day when Jesus appear like what He did for me, you will wept like a baby like what happened to me when something just tsunami upon my heart.

How do I describe it.

Its not sad when you wept like a baby, you will not feel sad at all when you meet face to face with Jesus. Let me recall what happened, (This is something I cannot lie about, and it has got nothing to do with church, because literally I am not in a nice lighten church when Jesus came, church is just a place that sow the seed) 

It is like a sudden heat up of your body, and your hands felt extremely warm as thou someone is holding onto both of your hands, the top of your head feels warm, the middle part of your body feels abit numb while you keep feeling chills down your spine.

The most amazing part, when I say, ok Jesus I allow you to come into my heart. The wave came and swept across my heart. It was like someone cuddling you from inside holding all your pain and questions of why. But at that moment, all questions seems to be unimportant anymore, because the love that gush into your heart explain it all. Tears start to flow down my cheeks like running water tap, and I dont feel a single saddness at all, I kept saying Thank you Jesus, Thank you. Its a carpark not some cozy place to feel such instances. and there is no reason why I shouldn't feel sad about. That moment, I should feel extremely sad! But the fact I didn't, Jesus love did came in and hugged me so tight at that time. This kind of feeling is so amazing and the kind of joy words cannot describe.

That moment, who cared about was it Moses who part the red sea, Why is the kangaroo found in Noah's ark, Sarah giving birth at 90 years old, was Adam real? Who cares man! I just know the love of Jesus is for real, that is enough. The love that walked me through my days, to love someone who hurt me the most and to shower him with all the care I can give. For God told me, eventually this smelly chou chou will be the man who is going to bless me the most. I think God knows it better than anybody, so I choosed to trust in God, since He really made me encounter Jesus and let me feel, see, hear and picture how much He loves me. Trust God better, human too unstable to be trusted. They cant even get control of themselves or even see whats coming ahead.

Day 408

Day 408

Lit in a dim limelight,

the touch were soft and the air were thin,

the silk glided down my back like a serpent that chilled down my spine.

The sense were familiar and everything seems unchanged,

the voice was constant,

the breathe was tasting the gasps of the air.

My mind swirled and look upon the familiar cheeks,

looking at him like never before. 

I caressed his face, and wipe my kiss on his forehead,

whispering into his ear,

how much I love you so,

how much you mean to me,

how much you are in my heart.

A gentle reply whispering back, 

I feel the same as you do,

how much I love you, I realised.

A close and sweet smelling aroma of care and love,

whispering into each other's ear.

It was innocent and it was pure.

Whatever it is,

those hugs for the evening were precious.

Love

Day 407

Day 407

When was the last time I blogged? Kind of quite awhile back. The fact is, I fell into a deep slumber for about close to a week before I woke up. The exact reasons, so seriously, I didnt know what happened. I just dont feel like doing anything, practically anything. Even taking showers seems like pretty bothering to me. I dont feel like praying, I dont feel like talking to God, I just want to do nothing in fact.

I thank God, this hibernating symtoms didnt follow me far. 3 days and I am out of it. I turned out super moody in my business breakthrough Group (BBG) 2 days ago like an old hag. I am back in form at last. Faraway from my slumbering acts, and faraway from my weekly moodswings.

what I am talking about today, Visions . . . . .  

The reason I was awaken . . . . . I heard this:

Real vision is a process, if you want the product, you got to go thru the process.

I replied: What?!? dont bother me . . .

and it went, see beyond yourself. . . I woke up from my 3 days of slumbering.

You can be just an ordinary person,  but making out of ordinary choices off your comfort. I looked at myself, thats me isnt it. Why am I making such difficult choices for myself ? The question comes again.

Who is the king in your life? I told that voice, erm  .. . .  luoyi ? love him so much. . . . It continued, who determines your emotions>? You know, I cant deny that luoyi does fiddle with my emotional fluctuations at all. After all we have went for the past 4 years and it is still growing. Each time I want to shake luoyi away from my life, everything runs in the opposite direction, I grew stronger in loving him. Out of all the waves of Tsnami that hits the both of us. We are still pretty well strong in love. My hubhub, my heart goes out for you lar. Its an unspoken love both of us knows so clearly after all the hoohaas we went through. Sometimes I will quietly grumble, life will be so much easier if I can shake him away from my heart. But realised, this didnt happen. I really cannot deny, we just love each other is an amazing way. For him, my hubhub, I dont think ANY of his past GFs or whoever experienced what we went through so intensively. If chou will to read my post, he will nod his head. The way he hugged and kissed me couple of weeks ago . . . at a point of time, I know what ran through his mind totally. The way he grabbed my hands so tightly even when we are just sitting side by side, you know, a part of him says, I'll never want to let this pair of hands go, he will look and me and kiss my forehead. =.= ok out of topic again. . . . Thats the reason why I flung my Olevels English if you have not realise it.

And then Bingo . . .  Whatever you deem to be the king of your life have the power to bring you down through this word Disappointment!

I'll elaborate, if you treat $$ as your king, it will disappoint you one day,

treat your lover/husband as your king, they will disappoint you one day,

you job as your king, they will disappoint you one day,

your pet, your children, your friends, your whatever . . . . . They will disappoint you one day, even your own families. . . .

My objective is, anything, literally ANYTHING, which has the possibility to be taken away from your life WILL add disappointment in your life.

Which is why, we have to learn a way to cope with our emotions and not letting it affects our VISIONS in life. For me, Jesus has the power because Jesus is constant, he dont leave me. He is for forever and forever, the days I breath till the days I died He will still be with me. This empowerment do allow me to have certainty in life.

As what Mother Teresa said: I didnt see Jesus until He is all I have. This is a powerful statement.

What is the vision in your life?

What is the empowerment in your life?

These are my 2 big questions I have.  *scratch my head* went to church today, Guess what, The message today is about vision.

Habakkuk2:1 says:

I will stand at my guard post and station myself. On the lookout tower. I will watch and see what He will say to me and what I should reply when I am corrected.

The words pops up like 3D to me. Stand and do your job, and constantly lookout for opportunities, wait for Me ( God ) and when He speak, I should reply and have a attitude for a change for correction. 

The first Rehma that *Bams to me, 

1.Change your lifestyle

2.Change the way you look at things, see My hands creating those opportunities in your daily lives.

3.Write down your vision and GOALS!

These words spring like fountain in my head, while I continued reading the bible as Ps Phil preached. 

Habakkuk 2:1

write down this vision clearly inscribe it on tablets so you may easily read it. 

For the vision is yet for the appointed time, but it testifies about the end and it will not lie. Though it may delays like what you thought, but wait for it, since it will certainty come and it will not be late. 

My tears cannot control already, when I read this, rolled down my cheeks. God's presence in here, I know and I feel it. He is literally giving a pat on my back saying, I heard everything you've prayed for. Though it seems late in your timing, but when I your father gives, it will be always on time. 

Maybe you are like me, you thought that God hasnt hear your prayer requests, but for the fact is, He hears them and remembers more clearly than you do. 

Iam encouraged today by the word of God and I hope you will too . . . . 

Personal time now, for me to write down my visions and see them come to pass. God loves me, and he certainty loves you too.

and ** I dont tell you what I saw in Church, the vision I had. You will know it when it come to pass. . .  ^^ God I really surrender! It is tough, but still I will continue walking..