Day 409

Day 409

Have not been that regular anymore in updating my personal space. More than usual, I just get knocked out by the time I get home, especially after my super duper long showers. You have to understand my showering procedures where I shouldn't go into detailed in case some people may just punch me in my face.

What have I been doing lately, frankly speaking the area where I am more anxious about is, its coming to the end of the year, I kept reflecting on what have I done this year? In roughly 3 months time, 2011 is going to end and we will be welcoming 2012.

In times, I wish that time can pass quickly and in times the other way round. I can't imagine in 3 years time, I am turning 30. If I tell you that I do not have any fear, I am lying. But dont be mistaken, the fear for me is never about age like most women are. My fears are not reaching my goals in life.

My short term goals, goals where they are within my reach and I am not trying hard enough, and goal which are not within my reach.

For example;

Work wise - Within reach

Getting into a relationship - I've not gotten out of it

Getting hitch - hahaaa , sound so impossible

Getting married - even more impossible

Getting a pair of twins - maybe when I am in heaven

Getting my first convertible - I am talking about my E200 Cabriolet

Like this:

seriously, if you've test drive that, you wouldn't want to not think about it. I am never a BMW fan, once you have driven a merc, you know what I am talking about. BMW gives blisters on my palm, merc dont, its power steering is just amazing, especially the new Eklass models.

At least for those, working within my means, I can still get them done.

Other than that, Papa God has to do something about it.

Come to think about it, what have I achieved so far this year. At least I cleared my debts and is on surplus. I put on some weight, (Considered?), health has gotten better, I excercised more regularly, Boobs gotten slightly bigger (all thanks to putting on more weight), quit smoking . . . . . . I really don't know what more have I done this year. Very seriously. I am really not too sure where am I even heading for the fact. Thou pastor kong always say, make a plan, make a plan . . . . .  but it seems . . .  abit hard to make my plans work. My plans doesnt work with just me, it works with alot of factors in which I am never in charged. I dont know la,  I just do my best and leave the rest to God, because I really cannot control who I will meet. Especially my clients. I really hands up on that. When dont have, dont have . . . when have, I am like mad woman running all over the place.

All of a sudden, I just felt that christmas is coming, like every christimas eve since the day Jesus saved me. Every christmas eve afternoon I will appear in that same old multi storey carpark where Jesus met me sitted at the god forsaken staircase I didnt die of. This will be the 3rd year going back to the same old place in remembrance on someone named Jesus. For some reasons or what I'll just happen to be there, to hear something, to see something and to learn something. A mircale happened that there one christmas eve, I believe it will be done unto me again. I didnt pray an extravaganza prayer every christmas eve in that carpark, I just had my simple conversations, and a pure hoping heart, how nice and wonderful, if my chou chou can meet Jesus and feel Jesus one day. Like what I prayed for every single night, for my luoyi to gain understandings, and one day to feel the kind of joy I received. sarcasm in birth within my chou chou's blood, never a single bit do I blame him when he laugh and have critics over my believe system. When ever we have meals together, he will pray as thou some kind of sarcasm, but to me, I'll secretly heartedly said to myself, wait till he encounter some real stuffs and giggles within me.

One day when Jesus appear like what He did for me, you will wept like a baby like what happened to me when something just tsunami upon my heart.

How do I describe it.

Its not sad when you wept like a baby, you will not feel sad at all when you meet face to face with Jesus. Let me recall what happened, (This is something I cannot lie about, and it has got nothing to do with church, because literally I am not in a nice lighten church when Jesus came, church is just a place that sow the seed) 

It is like a sudden heat up of your body, and your hands felt extremely warm as thou someone is holding onto both of your hands, the top of your head feels warm, the middle part of your body feels abit numb while you keep feeling chills down your spine.

The most amazing part, when I say, ok Jesus I allow you to come into my heart. The wave came and swept across my heart. It was like someone cuddling you from inside holding all your pain and questions of why. But at that moment, all questions seems to be unimportant anymore, because the love that gush into your heart explain it all. Tears start to flow down my cheeks like running water tap, and I dont feel a single saddness at all, I kept saying Thank you Jesus, Thank you. Its a carpark not some cozy place to feel such instances. and there is no reason why I shouldn't feel sad about. That moment, I should feel extremely sad! But the fact I didn't, Jesus love did came in and hugged me so tight at that time. This kind of feeling is so amazing and the kind of joy words cannot describe.

That moment, who cared about was it Moses who part the red sea, Why is the kangaroo found in Noah's ark, Sarah giving birth at 90 years old, was Adam real? Who cares man! I just know the love of Jesus is for real, that is enough. The love that walked me through my days, to love someone who hurt me the most and to shower him with all the care I can give. For God told me, eventually this smelly chou chou will be the man who is going to bless me the most. I think God knows it better than anybody, so I choosed to trust in God, since He really made me encounter Jesus and let me feel, see, hear and picture how much He loves me. Trust God better, human too unstable to be trusted. They cant even get control of themselves or even see whats coming ahead.