Tragic yr 2004

If i do remember correctly,

SARS outbreak when i was age 20.

That was my worst year through the 1 quarter of my life.

A month before my birthday,

at the moment of time,
My Lao mah was still with us ( * Lao mah is how i address my great grandma in teochew)

my Lao mah fell very ill after her return from Malacca.

My sis took turn to look after her in the middle of the night when she wants to go toilet etc.

We tied some bells onto her walking stick and wakes up whenever we hear the ringing of bells.

That was the time,

i kept myself awake for most of the nights.

Her health deteriorate and was sent to the hospital after a week.

She was diagnosed suffering from bronchities.

Due to her old age, she might not survive.

I fell very ill after that and i couldnt pay her visits at the hospital till the day she left.

That is the only regret in my life.

I didnt get to see her for the last time.

I dreamt of Lao mah last night so does dad.

I was in an unknown place, Lao mah was smiling at me.

I walked towards her and gave her a hug and i woke up.

I woke up in tear the next morning.

Lao mah i really miss you alot.

Lao mah left us in year 2004 at the age of 90.

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Part 2

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A month later,

The tragic happens on my birthday,

My sis and i were sharing room.

The morning i woke up for lecture 7am in the morning,

i saw my sis puking badly,

she turned pale.

I rushed her to the hospital.

After diagnose,

we found out that she swallowed 15 pills of bullazine the night before.

It was her attempt to suicide.

I broke down once again after the death of my Lao mah a month ago.

I blamed myself for not looking after sis.

We shared the same room yet,

i didnt observe.

She was hospitalised for 2 weeks and she was suffering from depression.

She stopped school and undergo counselling.

To more attention to her condition as her suicidal thoughts hounds her,

i almost stopped school to take care of her.

Once, i broke down in school.

As home is no longer a place where i can hide.

I will have to control all my emotions in order not to worry my parents.

I dropped my modules in school for that semester to take care of her.

Its never a waste of time even though i spent 1/2 a year more than the usual candidates.

That is my responsibilty being an elder sister.

My responsibilty being a eldest daughter is to lighten the worrying factor of mum and dad.

I tuned myself at that point of time to stay fit in mind not to breakdown,

and i did.

i grew stronger.

That is my worst yet important year in my life