The painful smile

I fell many times harder than it was in the past.

I had to admit i am a real handicap in love,

no matter how much i gave,

the outcome always run me in tears.

It really makes me doubt, doubting of my incapability.

I surrender,

i really do this time round.

After all, I realised thats how much you love me.

The torment pain is killing and i really have got no cure for it.

It was the day when i strike the conversation with your mum,

and she was convincing me that the man who loves you will love everything about you.

I sigh in slience

I was in the bathroom,

and my eyes were filled with tears.

I doubt he loves me that much, maybe its just my assumption that makes me feel that he loves me alot.

I controlled it hard to stop it from rolling down my cheeks,

put on a smiling face and kept very quiet.
Its the most painful smile i had.

I really do not know how anymore.

I am faithless,

totally faithless,

probably towards him,

i am just someone who happens to be there most of the time,

giving and giving which gives make no harm to him at all.

Maybe he did whatever he can to "fulfill his role".

It can be example as the cast of a scene.

It is beautiful but at the back of it.

it just stood there with the support of some removable wooden planks.

Once the last scene is done up, the beautiful castle will be gone.

The castle will never be the reality.

After all,

setting up of the scene is just a temporary process.

Sigh,

seriously i really do not know when will this miserable heartache of mine end.

But i am definitely true about what I've said in the past.

He will really be the last man who intersect my life.

As i know it for a fact if this relationship is going to fail one day,

i really do not have to courage to accept love anymore.