I really dont

I really dont blame him for what happened. Frankly I believe I love him enough, and I cant bring myself to hate or do anything which is harmful to him. I know alot of my dearies feel real unjustified for what I've been through. But please dont blame him. He is not as bad as what you guys think.

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I know myself well enough that I will not be able to move on from now onwards. I simply do not have any ability to fall in love or to pursue the kind of happiness anymore. I have to apologise to him my love for blaming him that he ruined my life. Deep down in thought, those words I said were only words of anger. Some people will never understand why unless they have been through it before.

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Maybe he is trying all his best to get me off his back, to shoo me away in all kinds. Well I just have to accept it as it is. Love is dumb in a way. The underlying meaning of this profound art. If you love him enough;

1. Although you will grumble about the lousy things he did but you never blame him.
2. You wouldn't bad mouth him in front of anybody even he did crap, because you love him more than any else can imagine.
3. You will suffer in agony quietly while sending prayers of well-being to him. Because it hurts more to see him going through tedious stress/pressure and uncertainty in all aspects in life.
4. You will feel like a mother, who naturally forgives and continue to love even he does folly.
5. You stand on firm on your end and continue to love him even thou you know there is no outcome.
6. You will be willing to wait as long as you can, simply you know it for yourself such love is irreplaceable.

.Sometimes kindness and simple gestures of love may turn into hatred when mutate with intensive hurt. I've made my struggle for the past few days. I had been thinking. As a revengeful person by nature I would by right have make guilt follow through him for the rest of his life. I made my struggle and come to consensus that, am I going to hurt the person I love so much with guilt for the rest of his life? or am I going to continue to watch over him through blesses and prayers to see him being happy one day? I have made my choice that even I am in immerse pain and hurt, I shouldn't hurt him in any ways of all kinds. Love is to see him being great and happy even though I might not be the one to share the joy with him one day. Well, thats life. Somehow It feels like I am fated to be his. No matter how hard I struggle to break free, how much hurt I've been through, I just cannot breakfree from this love.

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I'll just accept it that whatever it takes to hold this through my life,

I wouldn't know when will happiness touch me again one day,

Through the days I cried he wouldn't be there anymore to wipe off my tears, or to embrace me with a warm hug, or a kiss to tell me everything is alright

but at least,

On his ends he knows, he will have the all of me for this lifetime, staying around him whenever he needs me and sending all my blesses to him in prayers and angels to brighten his path even without him realising it.

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I am not trying to be a saint nor a hypocrite, to be unforgivingly generous nor a brainless airhead.

I just love him a little too much.

Probably I'll see him again when the time come, so in the meanwhile we just have to leave each other alone for our relationship holiday.

Probably in months or even years.

I'm so tired of being here,

Suppressed by all my childish fears.

And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave.

Because your presence still lingers here,

And it wont leave me alone...

These wounds won't seem to heal,

This pain is just too real.

There's just too much that time cannot erase...

When you'd cried i'd, wipe away all of your tears,

When you'd scream i'd, fight away all of your fears.

And i've held your hand through all of these years,

But you still have all of me.

You used to captivate me,

By your resonating light.

Now i'm bound by the life you left behind.

Your face it haunts, my once pleasant dreams.

Your voice it chased away, all the sanity in me.

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone,

though you're still with me...

but I've been alone all along.

When you'd cried i'd,

wipe away all of your tears,

When you'd scream i'd,

fight away all of your fears.

And i've held your hand through all of these years,

But you still have all of me.