Spend a day with myself yesterday doing my self reflections upon the wrongs I did. A day filled with guilt and self condemnation. A day filled with anger and hurts. I almost crashed the car 2 days ago and I had been on a constant guilt of why I even allow that incident to even take place. Guilt over I did wrong. I know I did wrong, I really do. I gave my driver's liscense away out of my own accord. I wouldnt be driving for the time being. Dont misunderstand this statement, my driver's liscence is not revoked. I just gave it to Elwin. I know he will keep it for me. What hurt me were the words, now I truly understands how powerful words can be. They can be daggers that dug straight into your heart. Actions can be remedy with a series of sincerity of apologises. I apologised sincerely to my dad and he told its ok just dont do it again. No smoking in the car and no more drink driving. The worst hurt I've been struggling now is disappointment. After all the anger and stupid stuffs I created for myself, I am already with so much of self anger, self resendment and disappointment with myself. Probably the last thing I want to hear is someone rubbing salt to my wound. I took on another hurt when I was self recuperating. Or maybe I am expecting something else. Some words of care rather than condemnation. Maybe a word of concern rather than daggers of wound opening disappointments wrongs, in which I am already suffering badly from. I know I've create a vast disappointment, its done, and there's nothing I can possibly do to undo it. Its a wrong, and I fully take accountabilty for that. Words either encourage or hurt. And only words from those whom you care about, hurts. I am not blaming nor am I grumbling here. Because I am just not prepared those texted words is creating such a vast effect on me. I am taking some time off. When I ressuract with new strength, I will strike that barrier off and elevate. I am just too weak to do it now.
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