I had a great time at Service today, its more than words to describe. It is just Mavalous! Spending time during service is the only moment I can get some peace at heart, follow the path which is plan by god and to be the self I always wanted to remain untouch. I never once forgotten to be true, kind at heart and to appreciate life for me.
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I was invited by brother Andy for some home-cooked dinner at this place near where service was held. I prepared myself with a bottle of wine as a token of appreciation. I walked in the place feeling uneasy I do not know why initially. I just felt so weird. Everything was reasoned out after my hubhubie told me what happened. To the new crowd of people I met today other than Andy himself, I am like a new girlfriend of my hubhubie. Therefore I was being out casted for some reasons and I was left alone to deal with it after my hubhubie left the place. I am not some kind of unfriendly being and I was trying hard to be myself as well as not to feel awkward with the new crowd I've met. I do not blame my lovely for placing me in such predicament, I know there won't be any help from him as I am not part of his plan to be there at the gathering. He left the place not trying to make a better position for myself and I was dying to leave that awkwardness after knowing the reason of why was I being out-casted by the girls.
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Grace to be with God
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Thank god, when I was feeling so out of the place, someone took out the Mahjong set and they are short of 1 player. My heart sigh a moment of relieve. I started my Mahjong session and conversation starts. I was feeling much at ease after the interactive game with with Micheal's family members.
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He came back when I was on the 2nd wind of my mahjong session. He left again to a Birthday celebration and I was left there once again.
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The Mahjong session ended and they were preparing for Zouk. It will be rude to leave just like that so I decided to tag along Andy. Everyone asked me if my boyfriend will be joining us at Zouk? I couldn't answer their question. I just told them his phone was flat and I couldn't reach him. They thought that my boyfriend would have come back for me but he didn't.
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At Zouk, the girls were in their own conversation and I was left out as usual. I went over to Velvet hopefully to catch the usual VU gang up, but they were not there. I went over to look for FuLala's hairstylist Dane and managed to "Halaa" abit to pass time.
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Thank god I am a smoker and I managed to strike some decent conversation with Marcus and his girlfriend.
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The night finally ended and Andy sent me home.
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I've never faced situation as awkward as today therefore I am kind of slow to react. Even so, I give thanks for the invite Andy gave this evening. I do not know if the girls I met tonight tinted me with some prejudice of the past, but I am very sure in time to come they will love me for who I am. I have did no wrong, I have make no ill-intention. I am just being very simple.
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Sometimes, its just some unwanted feeling of why am I being treated that way when I am just so simple. The simple self god bestow onto me to care, love and be appreciative to everyone around me. I am never pretentious nor do I hold any ill intention to anyone I've met. I just feel sad in a way that I was being looked upon as a third party interference between my hubhub and his recent past. Plus the shoutout I've posted in the previous posting, I was amazingly labeled as if some " immoral third party " who come across " him and her ". I am unhappy but I understand that there is nothing I can do, And there is nothing he can do as well.
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I feel sad to be look upon the way as a third party which in fact I've did so much just to love him. I know, he is not in the control of everything that happened today. He is not in control of what others look upon towards me. I've never blame him. It just hurts somehow.
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