Colourless

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Thoughts

Thoughts,

thoughts of his thoughts,

the thoughts of mine,
the tone of his which sound troubled.
Uncomfortable
I am unsure was it the hormones imbalance in me to causing this insecurity,
was it the stress factor in work which
stir the emotion in me lately.
I tend to flare easily towards things which agitate me.
I am unhappy,
I am unhappy not because i didnt get to see him as often as i can.
I just feel very tight up,
tight up mentally and physically.

I am sure that everything is doing fine,
I am just late due to the hormones imbalance,
work stress, and the constant hormones injects i used to have.

Hopefully the regulating pills given by my family doctor helps to ease my idiotic pre-menstruation synthoms otherwise i am really going crazy with the cramps, the pain and vexed-up self.

Please get regulated soon to save my water-retention, backaches and cramps.

Surprise

I am surprise to see hubhub at tpy last evening.

I thought i wouldnt have a chance to see him for the week as both of us are occupied with work.

I really miss him so much though i just got to see him on monday.

I would gladly push away all my activities last night to keep my hubhub company for the late evening,

but too bad hubhub has his own plans for the evening so i headed on with my meet up with long time friend Wendy :-s

The Attica night

Ages since i last stepped into Attica. As usual the place is flocked with SPGs and non local faces. The China Chinese, Japanese,Korean, Indians ( the blacks and the white )and the usual "Ti Ko" Ang mos. whats unusual? I was bumping around with the 2 Huas . . Wendy Tan Hua Hua and Jason Teo Hua Hua. Mr Teo and I were shooting around with our sales preach and improvising on the scripts we had in work. Jason was commenting that why didnt i bring Wendy along to LY's place during chinese new year? if that is the case he would have stayed longer. . . Jason and his " coloured wolf " looks sigh . . .

I still miss you as much as before

I pink u I pink u I pink u I pink u I pink u I pink u I pink u I pink u I pink u I pink u I pink u I pink u I pink u I pink u I pink u I pink u I pink u I pink u I pink u I pink u I pink u I pink u I pink u I pink u I pink u I pink u I pink u I pink u I pink u I pink u I pink u I pink u I pink u I pink u I pink u I pink u I pink u I pink u I pink u I pink u I pink u I pink u I pink u I pink u I pink u

I pink u, my lovely hubhub; that special someone who occupied my heart, someone whom i really miss so much. I am familarise with your presence beside me at night. When the night falls, i cant help but to miss you even more. Even though, there are yet to be promise that we will be able to build on a home of ours in the future, just let the days count on. Uncertainly may just hit on the greatest surprise in my life and I just want to remark on, :) i am willing to spend my the golden years in my life with you my lovely.

Joke

I find it a realistic fate joke to see how people got twisted around by something which they claimed "Love" and getting themselves into shit-holes. Some got up, out of it and emerged stronger while some just struggled and feel that they can be happy about it, which; many knows its endless of agony. I just feel that love should be simple and easy to comprehend. Its the unlimited care and concern you gave not asking for any return, deep in your mind, you just want the person you love to be happy. It shouldn't be hound by scheming thoughts and it should not be build on grumbles. I've learned as i fell, not to commit the same mistake again. The mistake of being forgiving. Simply, some people just don't deserve the second chance, they ought to be shot. I am not trying to be crude or merciless, we just got the accept the fact, thats life.

Distant relationship . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . .

I reckon distant relationship as a taboo to myself and never will i to get myself involve in such tedious and unworkable love. It is said that . . . blah blah Love conquers all, thats utterly bullshit. Majority can't survive their love on just a line of communication although there is a minority who really did it. As i said they are the minority. Therefore, "no thanks" for distant relationship even though its 4 hours flight from me, anything out of Singapore considered "Distant" not to conclude on the almost a day behind state New Jersey. Why create unneccessary trouble? Its a waste of time, money and effort which gives no gain but agony at the end of the day. This makes a point that i will only build my relationship with someone reachable.

In the topic of distant relationship there is someone whom i feel like rewarding him with 2 tight slaps across his face to tell him to wake up his idea. What is the point of feeling sad when there is no point to? In the first place, it is so freaking visible its not going to work out. ITS NOT going to WORK OUT! No matter how many time you fly over or she flies over, you know it for a fact that she cant make a house-woman, she is rich, she do not need to work, she is spoilt and she is so much older than you. Attractive to be a potential fling which ignites passion in your life but " dah " that is not going to last. I really wondered why people get themselves into distant relationship where they know it for a fact there is a high possibilty that its going to fail as time goes by? Especially in times where attractions and temptations are all over the place.

. . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . .. .

Well, I am still glad that;

In point of emergency of emotional moment or whatever, i know my hubhub will be there for me because he is physical. His hugs are physical, his adoring is physical, his caring and concerns are physical.

Muddlehead

It was Monday, i left hubhub's place and headed home to prepare myself for the seminar at Spring board. I was running late and i was brisking all over the place to get myself to the meeting room. I couldnt find it and messaged Alvin to confirm the venue and timing. Immediately i got a return call from him laughing at the muddlehead me. The meeting seminar is on wed instead.... " Gua gua gua . . . . ."

Pampering Valentine

The table of pampering from my lovely hubbiee,

Wonderful live prawns;

yummy yum,

so fulfilling and heavenly

Look at me again,

my hubbiee will cook you alive and be our delicacy

The Mynah family

It is said that it is a lucky sign when birds set their nest in the place you are residing.
True enough,
it is,
the day my dad discovered the nest,
on that very evening our unit number came out to be in the third prize of the 4D,
and what is worst,
no one bought the numbers.
Shit.
The next day,
I casually came out with 4 numbers,
3 eggs and 2 birds.
which make up 0002,
again we missed the chance of striking even the consolation prize.
We feel that the numbers are too lame . . hahaa
well no luck.

One happy Sunday

The place which gives sun burn to myself and my wu brown brown.

The upper body of mine,
The scrawny legs of brown brown.

Director Eric with the main leads of the shoots

Playing the buddha role with the reflective board during our fun having times.

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Special thanks to my lovely wu brown brown for bringing so much joy and love to my life.
The lovely night and endless laughters
The " I pin-k you ah "
:)
you are so lovely.
Thank you for standing by me when i am feeling low,
those care and concern you gave were so heart warming.
Thanks for all the encouragement.
You are the apple of my eyes.
Love you lots.

New family

The new family member,

staying around my air-con generator area.

Its a pair of mynah birds and their off-springs.

But i have no idea how come the bird eggs are light blue in colours.

Anyway soon we will be able to hear chipping sound of the mynah juniors

Vulnerable

It was evening at Serangoon road,

I left daddy kong's place and headed down towards the MRT station for my appointment.

The sky was grey and it was drizzling.

It was green man at the traffic junction,

I was crossing the road when an idiotic malay driver came driving by and dashed its way right in front of me.

I was less than 10cm away from the wheels and i could feel fear and shock.

The left turning speed of the sedan was fast and

I almost got ramped down by a stupid idiot KIA sedan.

It surged of the fear of death overwhelmed.

I was dumbfounded and the moronic KIA didnt even attempt to stop,

the pedestrian at the crossing were taken back,

and i just stood there.

I heard some aunties cursing and swearing in Cantonese.

I do not know why,

i was just too slow to react and i walked to the other end of the road.

All of a sudden i feel life can be so vulnerable,

you can be in the right way of life yet shit happens.

You can be taking the route you've walked pass for a thousand times,

and probability of shit can happen.

This gave me a warning,

never to drive fast on the road anymore as its definitely never worth the beat of time.

The vulnerable pedestrians.

The chance of an accident.

It happens,

I m not here trying to put my talk for any accidental insurance policy of my company,

its just a thought and a reflection of me which happens in the day.

I was puffing my cigarettes and walking on the usual path home after my appointment,

ample of what if came into my mind.

the amount of undone stuffs which overruled my mind on that slow stroll home.
My life should'nt be wasted,
its time to get back to the society with volunteering work to balance up my rejection rates,
to keep myself moving and stay motivated.

Its in a click of mind,

it may it be my job interference or not,

i am pretty relieve that i have the ability to cover myself for half a million to be responsible for my family.

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Dear all friends and lovelies, please be extra careful when crossing roads even when you are in the right. Its pretty scary in a way as what had happen to me in the day. It somehow like an enlightening point to love myself and the people who loves me. I realised we can be really vulnerable. After telling many people, many stories about how protection is important, i finally enlighten myself and got myself in the shoe of a common consumer. The fear will not be there until u come close to it. You may say : Heng ah when you got shave close, but there is also otherwise. It is whether we will want leave it to chance or do something about it.

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Love Pack

Work in progress Love pack
and i just want to say that i really miss him lots.

PAINT BALL

The first team to start the fire,

with the top producers of the branch.

Afternoon drivedown to the bottle tree park for some paintball action lead by the Synergy Team.

Nice shot for our team with team-mate,

winning 2 rounds in a roll.

Web Cammy

I have been sitting in front of my writing desk for the past 4 hours doing research on my dateline due report on the 22nd this month.

I am hounded with aching neck and tired eyes.

My eyes turned bright when i see the pop-up window of my msn showing the online presence of my beloved hubbiee brown brown.

We're a pair of weird couple,

we seldom spend time hogging on the phone nor smsing each other every hour.

It will be once in a blue we catch each other online by chance and start striking some

conversation within us.

This is the first time we catch each other on web cam,

he is so cute,

especially when he pout his lips.

My brown brown magic tricks on web cam,

so funny and so hilariously sweet.

What can i say,

you always buzz me around with unexpected surprises.

*Hugs* for the impromptu magic tricks web cammie which ease the tension nerves of mine.

Love you.

The lookalike smell

The feel is out when i come across these pictures.

Family portrait

It is final that our family shoots will be done up this weekend.

After many decades of misunderstandings, quarrelsome jealousy, fights and tears,

the family finally get together on Chinese New Year 2009 for reunion.

The past decades fights between the 3 maternal grandmothers of mine should bygone.

Those heart aching wrench should be soothe by time.

Feelings of the inner hearts should be resolve without any grudge.

The day the 3 families come together with smile on our faces.

The unresolved and negative feelings of the past should be release.

Thou its the matter of the past era,

I am glad that i am the one who hold the initiative to bring us together.

I rewind the scene 2 years ago,

and realised its my job which motivates me to get in touch with people whom i've lost touch with,

may it be on the objective of business approach or personal.

I realised at the end of the day,

it is fulfilling.

Make Tomorrow happen

I realised that procrastination is my worst enemy when work and studies are concern. Datelines and more datelines. Its time to get back to some serious work done and make tomorrow happen for the right reason.

Random

Under the roof matter

They are still in amid of the cold war, shooting hidden darts and arrows.

I am unsure of when will this internal war of them peace off but i have an omen that it is not going to be somewhere so soon.

I wasnt home last night and i've got no idea of what is the progress of it.

I guess i shouldnt get involve,

and all i can do is to do my things right.

Indo Chine Club Street

love u

Thanks my lovely hubhubiee,
for the care and concern you gave.
You are my love, my friend, my confidante and my family.
I am glad to have you around to give sound advice.
Love you lots.

Infernal home affairs

Its an outrageous day of tummy ache during the earlier part of the day and spinning headache during the later part of the night. Let me elaborate what happened during the late evening. It was dinner time and mum tele dad to check if he wants to head back home for dinner.

The fishy conflict starts with a lie. The tall lie told by dad that he was alone driving back from dinner. Mum didnt suspect anything unusual but when mum was about to hang up the phone, there comes background voice of a woman, with the accent of a mainland woman. It was shocking towards mum and mum on her speaker phone and wants me to listen as well. The phone went dead after 30 seconds of observation hearing.

It is a fact that dad was lying. Dad is a honest man, far too honest to conceal a lie. Too honest and kind to be the rightful target of some swindlers. As far as money is concerned, those "woman "out there to please the man and get the man paying. Nothing unusual.

Everything when berserk when dad stepped into the house. Screaming and shouting. I was back in my room with my sister eavesdropping on the conversation beyond my room and analyse the tone and lie quality spoken sentences. Its concrete that dad is spinning up lies and more lies to cover up for his pack of lies. Well after an hour of listening, we got bored and started playing card games in my room.

Being the master of selective hearing, my ears are trained to shut down and filter whatever unpleasant which flows through. Its difficult to side on the right or wrong in situation like the above. Love for mum and dad are on equal footing. I am not in the position to speak up. I know that my sis is utterly disappointed with dad but somehow or rather i feel that faults dont happen in a snap, its accumulated unhappiness and many other factors.

I am in no position to comment, i just hope things will turn out fine but the probablity of that chance is pretty low. I'll just see what can i do about it.

Chinese New Year

It is indeed a tough Ox year.

A tiring Chinese New Year with lesser and lesser sleep each day.

I am packed with 2 whole days of house visiting and extended family gathering,

house visits and unwelcome relatives visit to my humble home.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

大年初一

It is nothing uncommon to pay grand-dad a visit on the first day of cny,

the mega family gathering at the old kampong area i grew up - The Railway Mall.

Grand-dad's place turned into a major gambling den every year during cny.

With the new year gambling family of a total of 10 uncles and aunties,

25 cousins and some distant relatives as usual.

It was late afternoon and we headed to my maternal grandma's place at Balestier and had an early dinner at 5pm and took a nap at granny's place before the entire family head off for a family gathering movie day just behind granny's place.

Later part of the night, ( which is the most relaxing and enjoying part of the day )

i drove down to hubbiee's place at SengKang to spend some quiet time with my bao bao hubbiee,

it is enjoyable to watch PPstream with my bao bao in his arms and both of us had a good laugh over stephen chow movies.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

大年初二

I got home around 7am in the morning and headed straight to bed after wash ups. I was then awaken by the knockings on my door and some horrifying laughters of some uninvited guest. They were slibings of my dad.

* Dad is an adopted child, those uncles and aunties were dad's biological slibings, anyway i wasnt close to them and they were like strangers to me*

Its was 9am in the morning and i barely had 3 hours of sleep.

Chinese New Year "erms"

The convertion of my bamboo garden like corridoor by my dad . . .

I cant deny it gives a Chinese new year mood,

but its just kind of too OVER . . .

and . . . .

the chrysanthemum flowers,

just gives a Dee'javu " Ju Hua Tai " The curse of the Golden Flower . . . dots

The Curse of the Golden Flower

The footprints of our ancestors

Early morning prayers towards the ancestors at Bishan "teng"

I am pretty surprise to see young children, teens and teenagers around.

I believe that the descendants should be taught about the chinese tradition and not to forget their ancestors.

The footprints left by our ancestors should not be forgotten,

I woke up early this morning and headed towards Bishan to pay my respect to my Great-grandma.

" Lao-ma" in teochew had been staying with us during her late years, probably this is the reason why sis and and grew so attached to her.

She left us 4 years ago but memories of her will always be remembered.

Impromptu

It was a last minute call out from the hongkie Tony and company.

I was hanging around the old time kampong place at railway mall before I headed down to Holland Village to meet the guys up.

The initial plan was to catch steph up but the impromptu call out seems to be more interesting, I sent a message to steph inviting him for the join chill out.

He didnt seem to be interested, and asked if i would want to drop by his area instead.

He sounds emo, but i wouldnt want to drop by the extension area which is so out of the way.

Moreover we are heading down Clark Quay as Johnathan is picking up his friend from Holland.

Johna's friend is a medical student currently commencing his internship in Australia and Singapore is his country of transit.

He is an interesting Indonesian Chinese with the look of the younger version of Pierre Png.

To round up, he is just good looking. He is in the 2nd year of his course and would want to certify specialist surgeon instead of a general practitioner doctor.

Its a well to be profession.

He reminds me of Dr Julian, the one who claimed that he is attracted to me.

I got introduced to Julian via Paul.

Thinking back of the bunch of crazy guys,

We started off as friends from a bottle of moet chandon and it has been awhile since i catch up with the bunch of Quad.

Probably they are just too busy diving in the beautiful underwater world.

With all the beautiful pictures they took,

i can tell that they are really enjoying life.

Post 392

Its an early day to kick start with by waking up 5am in the morning. We headed off to the wet market early this morning to prepare our family for the new year reunion dinner on Sunday. Mum asked if we should get more ingredients and questioned if my friend [who happens to be my Wu brown brown] is coming over for reunion dinner. I suppose he earns himself a positive score with mum thats why mum pops up with that question. In fact I would really want to introduce my brown brown to my family especially my dad, well... with that amounts of Buts swilling in my mind, I chooses the wait and see approach. I do not want my dad to start questioning me about relationships which he always disapprove before he sees light in my career as well as studies. The day when dad smiles and realised how much savings i had and how well i can fend for myself for the future will be the day i get my real independent. Financially and physically. In the eyes of the parents, we are always the worrying factor in their mind. I am allowing myself 2 years to be financially independent. The day i moved out of my home to a self finance apartment of mine will be the day i can assure him with confident that i will be able to take care of myself.

Oh. . talking about my brown brown, I would like to thank him for the dinner last night. Love him for not grumbling about the noodles he had as he wanted eat the Taiwanese Oyster Vermicelli instead. Love him for giving in to me to fulfill my Kimichi crave. Thank you my hubbiee baobao.

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2 days ago
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It was Thursday evening when i received the messages my hubbieee sent.
Those sms misses he gave during my steamboat session.
I just cant help but the smile,
*I miss you again*
Thanks for the hug in the middle of the street,
you made me feel so loved.
*Smiles*
Loves

Fluctuations

Immense unhappiness over-whelmed me when i checked my account balance this late afternoon. I was taken back when there is a huge fluctuation in the account balances i had. Giro- deduction of this, giro deduction of that. I came to a conclusion that there is no up-moving curve in my idiotic bank account. Once the balance hits the highest point in my life which is like around 10 over thousand, it came crashing down like a major recession. The downward curves of fluctuations were caused by the splurging on either shopping overseas tour or some nice to have designer baggage *sulk* whenever the balance in my account hits trough, i feel damn f**king depress. All of a sudden, life becomes insecure. Argh . . Thank god, the forced savings account is implemented few years back, otherwise i am going to be broke till rot. I cant imagine how will i be if i have a family in the current moment. Probably they can feed on my designer bags and shoes? or maybe some clothes and dresses. I came up to a resolution this year of :

NO MORE/REDUCED

Reduce transport allowances =/ fr 600/mth - 150/mth

No designers bags/shoes/clothes for the entire year

NO Marc Jacobs flats

NO Louis Vuitton Epi Alma bag

Just dont spend unnecessary

Thank you

But i wouldnt mind if those were given as gifts.

And pls my dear 7 year old GUCCI HP strap,

please dont snap before i can replace you and frame you up as a historical icon of mine.

Fri and Sat

Thank you

Appreciated

100 kisses from you to make-up for the lost kisses during the days we lost contact.

Thank you

Appreciated

for holding me tight during the movie

Thank you

I Love you

for cherishing me in your hugs whenever you can

Misses for >3 days

The Monday afternoon I board the cab,
I turned back looking,
looking as we distant.
Distant in space but not in the heart of mine.
You're riding on your old rusty bike as the cabby drove on.
The cabby braked along the red light junction.
I turned and looked through the rear window knowing that you will re-appear within my sight.
You did not disappoint me and gap up the space within us.
The junction light turned green and the cabby moved on,
the image of you just got smaller and smaller,
and finally disappear.
I know i am going to miss you like crazy for the up-coming days to come.
Those days without phone calls or messages were tormenting.
During the nights when i was out,
my expressions tell,
the expressions of misses.
Its the usual wednesday Mambo night.
I was out with the bunch of school mates and extended gang.
The conclusion was,
i didnt enjoy myself.
I just cant force the genuine smile off me.

Most of the time i was sitted, talking to Mr Sng or at the smoking point.

I just cant seems to enjoy.
My life seems defected.

A handicap without you.

I know that things are getting busy on your ends,

I blamed myself for forsaking the chance of indulging in the arms of yours tonight.

I couldnt get out of the house without alarming my parents.

I am lying on my bed right now and regretting the earlier moment.

i should have spin up a lie and be prepared for naggings and scoldings the next day to supplement the terrible misses of you.

I really miss you so much.

I cant wait to be in your arms.....

Its a terrible feeling which hounds.

Saturday night is what I can look forward to,

to indulge in your hugs.

Spring Clean

My work and shopping daily companion,

my Guccis, LVs, Burberry and Fendi

I had my beloved shoes neatly packed,

spaced enough for their upcoming new neighbour the blue flats MarcsJacobs.

My fetish for shoes,

comfortable designer shoes which follow me as i walked on.

They are my;

Limited Edition Gold pair of Adidas Sneakers,

Tatami Brikenstocks Sandals,

1st pair of Coach Sneakers,

Calvin Klein flats,
Prada Purple Ballet Shoes,

Coach Slippers,

Ferregammo signature pair,

and up-coming new neighbour,

the MarcJacobs Navy Blue flats.

My violin hung up on the wall,

accompanied by the little violin musical box and little gifts by my lovely hubbiee.

Dior and Neo-strata skincare beside the mirror.

The $2.05 new clock from value dollar.

My new shelf which cost incredibly cheap @ $16.00 from the nearby furniture store,
the useful storage for my document and remy martin VSOP champange

The wine and wine glasses at the bottom of the shelf
My dressing table and work desk.
My work desk needs a new makeup,
I am going to give her a new colour coating of,
cream white and mahogany brown along the sides.

Dark Mahogany upright piano with the framed up Gucci card.


What a tired day
Well, thats the neatest it can get,
for friends who had been to my dog nest knows what i mean.
hahaa,
There's simply too many stuffs in my room.
My single size bed cant be upgraded. . Sob ~~
All thanks to the barangs i had in my room.
2 wardrobes,
1 writing desk,
1 dressing table,
the incredibly cramp single bed,
a newly bought small book shelf
and the bulky space consuming upright piano.

Day with the comical guys

Met Steph up at Wala for a drink,

we were keep company by the old comical gang,

Tony, Pett and Jonathan...

Had been awhile since i had supper with the guys.

With all the guys talk etc, its a night with non-stop laughter and cracky jokes,

and the questions they probed me into,

there is no answer to the question.

Thanks for asking anyway.

I myself do not know the answer to your question.

Its uncertainty and the future is not within my control.

What i long to have may not be the outcome.

So i really do not wish to expect anymore,

just let things flow on its nature course.

Coming to the end of the night,

headed to the kampong area where i grew up,

i took a short stroll on the windy pathway and my mind was filled with work commitments, my family and my dearest hubhub.

To my wonder, hubhub has already intergrated into the thoughts,

ranked one of my highest priority.

I realised i really need to work extra hard to secure what will it to be for us.

Our goal seems near yet distant,

of what it takes,

i am in,

to take the challange.

Whether is there an outcome or not,

I know i will not be on the losing end,

because at the end of the day,

i will be one experiencing the growth of wisdom and taste of life.

And when i said i really want to get married to you, i am not kidding . . . . . I really want to spend my life with the unique you. The one who makes me love with all i can. Its you and no one else. When i said i want you to be the last, do not doubt because you will be.

What do Seven do when she miss her hubhub.?

Look at the pictures we took ( Finally)

The video clips we had on my birthday 08,

his facebook,

the peopleless photo album he gave,

The smses he gave....

close my eyes and hope that i dream of him.

A day

One of the few times where no calls or smses.

Its a weird feeling to come along.

I really miss him so damn much.

Was watching Red Cliff 2 at GV great world after my meeting with Ling my cousin.

Had been awhile since sat alone in the cinema watching the show i wanted to watch.

I really do miss him like crazy especially when the night falls.

I miss his hug and the kisses he gave.

So warm and so passionate.

How i wish i am by his side each day and night.

But the problem is when we get stuck together long enough both of us becomes caterpillar.

Lazy bones and we just enjoy too much of each others company where we do not wish to do anything but to stay by each others side and enjoy doing nothing.

How my hubhubieeee how can i not miss u that much?

I really want to be your wife wife who stays by your side and massage you whenever i can.

Can i make your wife wife criteria?

I realised i do not need anything . . . just having you by my side makes it joyful . . Am i crazy am i not? I just love you too much.

Its like . . .

It can be describe as a change in hormones,

when you get irritated,

your mental mind thinks all about the challenging matter.

The mess of my room adds on to the irritation.

Sales meeting tomorrow morning adds oil to the fire.

Everything gets so irritating.

I hate that kind of feeling.

Nothing goes wrong,

i suppose its jus myself adding pressure to what i expect of what i can do,

and what is the end result.

Its fucking irritating when you are shouldering all the responsibilty and there is no one to help.

Sooner or later,

what i expect of myself will get higher and eventually much more higher,

why am i torturing myself.

Holy shit . . .

Give Seven a break.