Day 318

Day 318

He is too profound for me to comprehend,

the solutions he gave me is always something I do not want to do.

For I know what he wants me to do will be the best,

I obey even though I really do not want to.

Most of the time, I have to humble myself and do things I really do not want to.

But at the end of it,

I realised and received the peace in my heart.

I know where he led me to is the best solution I can ever get.

He?

He is Jesus Christ.

Many times I really wanted to give up.

But he keeps me going and fill me with joy as my strength I can never explain.

He makes me pray and challenge the situation with him as my shield,

I have the authority to command; he taught me that.

He taught me how to not be disappointed with situations and I can safely leave them in his mighty hands.

I learned to not ask why,

I learned to ask him how instead.

Whenever I asked him about my smelly,

he always reply the same,

" love him like how I love you my child "

I do not believe it at first,

but what is the possiblity of flipping to the same bible verse over and over again in random through these 12 months with Jesus?

I bought a new bible without markings and flipped it again,

I ended up in the same verse.

I learned to obey and let my smelly go.

Go into the testings of my Lord.

I let him go.

I realised that the more I release him into the hands of my God,

the more I increases in the heart of my smelly.

I continued to pray for him, not for him to come back to me

but for him to know my God.

I learn this from Jesus who is my best teacher ever,

the way to love this man.

How to pray for him,

how to change him through prayers.

How to make him a dignified man,

a real man,

a responsible man,

a man of intergrity.

I told Lord,

I want him to be happy,

want him to get a real life,

to have a family,

to be a wonderful man.

I need not be that woman who share a family with him,

that is not my decision,

not my smelly's decision.

the decision lies in God's hand and I will not question my Lord for that.

I will just believe and confess what he have shown me in my vision no one can give except him who is Lord.

When I finally realised what it takes to love him,

is what it takes to make him a happy man even though the one he is holding to is not me.

As time passes by,

I've learned to show what love without condition is.

Jesus said ; Love him like how I love you child.

Walking till today,

I finally bear off these fruits of love.

A love which is patient; love is kind, love does not envy; is not conceited; does not act improperly; is not selfish; is not provoked; does not keep a record of wrongs.

I found my freedom when I have these fruits.

Thank you my baobei *chou chou*

Thank you my lord Jesus.

I know he who knows all things, had prepared us for something well.

I just know this,

Don't fear, just believe.

Because I trust in him and my faith is with Jesus,

there will not be disappointment.

True faith produced joy.

This joy will led you and me far in life.

Thank you father.

* * * *

It has been awhile since I enjoy chatting with my smelly.

Like how we enjoy each other on a bus ride for dinner because he have to send his car to the workshop before he left for Japan.

Touch his hair and stroke his head.

Silly boy thought I will be very sad and disappointed if he do not come to christmas service this year.

Is ok, I didn't love you any lesser.

My hope is with my Father in heaven.

As I commit you my smelly into his hands,

I told lord, let all decisions you make be decisions God has put you to do.

* * * * *

Sometimes I am really lazy and I will want to take short cut,

I thought that as long as I've brought my smelly to the house of God,

I am done with my purpose with smelly chou.

Then I can leave him alone and really let him go and experience God himself.

It will be so much easier for me.

I received my instructions,

God doesn't want me to work that way.

I cannot take that shortcut, God doesn't allow that.

Seriously *my eyes rolled* when I heard that instructions from Father God.

I Sian Ji Puar

I need to grow paitence with God.

* * * * *

Smelly baby, now you know why I cannot be angry with you nor can I not love you.

I am dealing with God now and not you.

* * * * *

Some of you guys will see what I mean, while some not.

Those who understands what I meant,

you understands how is it like that we have to obey God.

Those who do not undestand,

you will come to full understanding when you walk deeper with God.