Early morning hug

Hubhub and I were fine and sound,

My morning starts with a warm hug from hubhubie,

a kiss on my lips.

Whatever it is,

nothing beats a warm lovely hug after some nonsensical arguments.

After that incident, our love elevated,

we learn to appreciate and love each other even more as time add on.

Hubhub reprimanded me of having the silly thought of leaving our relationship,

and forbade me to turn my mind towards those silly thoughts again.

I lie in his arms enjoying the pleasure of love by my hubhub and eventually dozed off with love, until hubhub rubs his unshaven chin on my face followed by his ultimate teddy bearie hug which placed a huge smile on my face.

The call

I was driving home after the tixs dropoff,
his letterbox was locked and i was left with no choice to drop if at his door steps.
While turning into my carpark,
my cell rang and it was him.
I hear his voice and that was joy in fact.
i realised that joy has the effect of rolling tears down your cheeks as well.
At that point of time,
how i wish i could run into his arms.
The warmest sensation after a heat-hearted debate,
its the ultimate teddy-bear hug from the person you desired the most
who is my hubhubie.
by the way I am free the whole of friday evening and the weekends.
Thanks for the call.
I love you

Oct 28 turning into Oct 29

She remembers what he told her.

Regarding the photo drawing sessions and she was filled with joy and excitement simply because that will be her first pic of him and herself.

She cant help but to smile when she pictures the scene knowing that her Hubhub dont like to take pictures unless neccessary.

She was missing him so badly in amid of her revision and she logged online to have a peek at him.

She went through his profile,

looked through the photos and ease her missings.

While looking through his profile, she saw a comment by his friend.

She saw him in the profile pic and opened the profile of the other party.

She saw solo pictures of him and the other party.

Her heart skipped a beat and eventually sank.

Something she longed for,

for the past months.

Something he is unwilling to do as what he said on our first date.

" He just dont like to take pictures"

is in fact seen on someother's page.

The sweet cheerful smile of his.

She took a deep breathe,

and when she thinks about the photo drawing session she is so looking forward to.

She isnt happy anymore.
Jealousy got into her.

while taking couple photo might seems most trival matter in almost all relationships

It maybe a slightest thing in a relationship.

But towards me, it is the greatest joy,

simply i thought that signify my existance in his and my life.

The claim of him day 1 we met of " no photograph taken " word resurfaced.

She feels that probably,

he just dont like to have a join picture of just the 2 of them.

The vague objective ran through her mind rounds and rounds of it.

She just couldnt figure out why?

She came out with Oct 29,

Jealousy overwhelmed her and she started typing,

negative feeling hounds.

She cant be blamed for being such a pessimistic.

She is wounded in the past and those deep cut just got clotted.

A slight touch might initial the bleed

She is always a handicap in love,

in fact she is really afraid to love,

Un-noticing she rides on the past once again.

Whenever such doubts arise,

its like salt to her wound.

In their case, i believe the 3rdparty who kills their dream was jealousy.

Well,

now she understands.

maybe or maybe not he feels that a join picture of the 2 of them will post harm to him.

In his heart,

probably he just feels that i will do harm to him.

She found out, her incapability to love.

She is not perfect and can never be.

She kills her relationship out of jealousy, probably which caused the change like heated white sugar.

Believe or not.

As much as i do,

you will be the last man in my life whether will we be able to savage or not.

Maybe he will forget about how she looks like one day.

Her sweet thoughts,

Her unreasonably jealousy

Her silly gestures

While on her side,

she hope that memories of him stays,

simply she has got nothing to reminisce on other than some paper cuttings, little pressie

Her tormenting heartache is definitely unbearable, maybe there will not be a 4th moniversary anymore, she wont have a chance to wake up by his side, cuddle in his arms or listen to his beetle bug story anymore.

She will courier the tickets to his letterbox,

leave it to fate

The draw

Reversed Eight Swords: Frustrations

Upright Three swords : A possible 3 way relationship, minor surgery is unavoidable

The dubious sank

All of a sudden,
everything link up.
The face which resembles
She finally realise something.
The flashbacks, word said . . .

Back dated all the way from day 1,

The questions asked and answered,
The only thing she can comment,
Its untrue.

Its not flattering at all,

Indeed how silly can she be to respect some untrue comments by him.

* Slap herself *
she just dont feel good about it,
when she was being kept in the wardrobe,
while some otherwise.
She shouldnt even be looking forward for the photo drawing session.
She retracts all the excitement of the photo of You and Me.

Erases the joy of the previous entry

Frankly, there is nothing unique about it anymore.
That just gives the feeling of being inferior and she is definitely not,
and she should not be.
seriously
that isnt anything good.
This only makes her feel pathetic,

which she dont think she should be.

Those hypothetical questions you posted to me,

far fetch months ago till recently.

they shouldnt be ask without an objective i came to visualise.

She used to be in that predicament and how nicely she scenario and stage her lies where lies turned into truths.

That's nothing remarkable,

its just pure silliness 5 years ago

simply because she rides on the trust of the other party,

and it is definitely not worth the while.
She hates this negative feeling which hounds.
She is green and feels unjustifiable.

Seriously she is begining to doubt and is strangled with disappointment of untrue sayings.

Maybe in this era,

it is a wrong to love someone wholeheartedly,

T loved me wholeheartedly,

he got backfired.

I loved Y wholeheartedly,

I got backfired.

and i do not want to get backfired again.

Spare me and i promise that the hind side of my spilt evil twin is certainly not adorable.

Lets draw together

I'll get my 10 mega pixs sony camera back on monday when mum and dad get back from Hokkaido.

^.^ Grins

We can get our pictures print out instantly with the sony portable printer

*Yeah*

Finally we will have a photo of us

The thoughts

With 2 consecutive mornings,

the feeling of "wanting" to see him every other morning arise.

*Blushing*

I wont mind that you throw your soiled clothes all around, because i know,

i will be willing to do the washing for you.

I wont mind doing the tidying of our little cozy space,

and the kitchen will be your space for you to prepare those heart warming meals and dinner for us.

After a tiring day of work,

you got home and the bathtub is ready,

a relaxing back scrub from me,

followed by calming lavender smelling bubble bath.

I cant cook as well as you do,

but i will fill it up with sweet thoughts which gives you the ultimate indulgence of home, peace and love from me.

Share the burden of stress,

massage your hand before bed,

scratch your back

Rub your tummy

Listen to ur stomach symphony

My Tarot Reading

The first card represents the near past

It is inverted therefore,

meaning of the card: Nostalgia, the inability to accept change or adapt to new conditions, Bad memories and old, unresolved pain.

The Second card represents the current moment
Its inverted therefore;
meaning of card: An enforced change, a removal of something of the past that should have given up long ago in the past. Let it go and let time ease the nightmare. The death with a reborn in life.

The last card represents the near future
Upright meaning : When we are possessed by a pure idea,
and wish to manifest that idea in reality,
we are often so blinded by the desire for its fulfillment that we fail to see the difficulties we may encounter or the consequences for which we may be responsible.

Trails of the minor arena card: Personality of the wanted man
He focused on making a point, committed to ideas.
Can bring struggles or strife, which will cause you to stand up for yourself.
Very strong person. Initially helpful, but actually self-seeking.
Makes a good friend, but a dangerous ally.
Eloquent, confident, fast moving, easily bored.
Breezes into life and then out again.
A warning that own weakness can lead to difficult circumstances.

comments: for the 1st and 2nd card, past and current,

it happened.

I cant predict the future but it definately can serve as a reference.

Another morning of blessings

Its another morning of blessings, awaken by a hug,
accompanied by innocent sleepy look of yours,
the peck on my lips,
the heart-warming ; Good morning wifey greetings which belongs to just myself
The early morning cuddles
which gives the feeling of belongingness.
The after shower look of yours before dress-up,
So cute and hug-able, i just cant help but pounce on for another hug.
We are turning 4 months old in days to come.
And i am looking forward everyday of life with your love and joy.
Something you will count it on as blessings, never to get used and bored over it.
Its like a preview and dream that you long for one day.
I cant promise that this feeling will be forever,
but,
I will do what i can, to prolong and hopefully to make it last for a lifetime.

Cool

Glad

I am glad that things are getting on track.

My family are leaving for their holiday Hokkaido trip tomorrow on a less argumentative mode.

I spent my Thursday afternoon with hubhubie at the esplanade library,

I thank my hub hub for remembering what i told him.

I love libraries, especially modern art category esplanade library.

I believe someday, we will get a chance to visit those Harry porter old british style library together.

thanks so much for all those heart warming tight hugs you gave along the day.

those sweet little out of the blue kisses

I spent my night with hubhub before the operation early this morning.

Its blessings to cuddle him to sleep,

to give him a warm hug in the early cold morning.

Outside the Operation Theater

I waited patiently outside the operation theater through the entire 3 hours of operation.

Everything went on smoothly.

I touched his head before i left the ward,

deep inside, i really longed to give him a kiss.

But i cant do that, as his mum was around.

well that doesnt matter much,

i am more than happy to see you fine.

I would want you to know that,

you occupying the whole of my heart,

the fact that you are enormously important to me,

and

I am willing to love you with all i can as long as you allow me to.

Sees.........

The cozy place which calms my heart

Japanese cuisine/ self booze

Sorry i missed to main course out,

Its beef cubes.

I waited for the beef to cool down to make comparison of tenderness and texture.

I can now say that;

5 thumbs up.

and its better than Sun with moon

Salmon and tuna Sashimis,

Prickles,

Tofu century egg ( The combination and taste is heavenly),

Soba with raddish

Prickled seaweed

Ingredient filled miso soup

My favourite steam egg,
with lesser ingredients with compared to Hoshigauka,
taste wise, its a new experience.
They use shrimps instead,
which increases the crunchiness


I sat at the counter area to get the best recommendation of food from Sashimi chef Peter

I didnt see Baigai on the menu,

instead i decided to try on Ark Shell,

Seriously its just an enormous sea hum to me.

They are fresh and live sashimi.

Chef peter has to throw them hard to determine if they are alive.

In fact they are so freaking different thou they looks like giant sea hum.

They are not bloody at all,

They are crunchy,

with the feel of cuttlefish,

with extra sweetness.

There are many ways to eat,

with Wasabi and sauce,

Adding some kind of dark red coloured herbs to give a spicy tastes.

Its a different taste altogether,

when u wrap it in think slices of cucumber and seaweed dipped in wasabi sauce.

Ended with fruits

I AM SO SATISFY WITH DINNER !!

Cost of dinning: Its around 80 plus 90 bucks for all of the food i ate :)

Definately Quality is worth the price.

Supposingly i will to dine in Sushi Tei,

Thank god that didnt happen.

Arghhh that humble Japanese fine dines got my attention,

Its raining in the evening feeling bored with home and studies

I sat down a bar and opened a bottle of chardonay.

Back and normal,

Within a split second she is back,

more than normal,

she sat at her study table and read thru her notes and formulas for her oncoming exams on saturday.

In her mind, was distributions channels exams on 25th oct,

and her appointment to close case on friday evening.

She just switched channels.

Production closing for cash payments is on 28 oct,

followed by,

sales exam and global marketing.

Cause Seven knows best for herself

A night

Just gimme a night and i will partition the emotional side and get back to the normal me,

cause i simply cant take the pressure and i need to voice.

I realised.

When i need emotional support.

who are the ones who stood by me.

I cant rely on my family,

simply they viewed me as the strongest individual in the family.

I am so tired.

pls gimme some emotional support,

a simple encouragement weighs a million pound.

pls re-ensure me

Seven will DO IT!!!

in work sch and family!!!

who knows

Warning: She had A few bottles of beer, a full bottle of wine by herself, its up to you to believe it or not. It up to whether u feel she is in the right frame of mind in regard of the following entry. Maybe> or Maybe Not? Up to u to judge...

With a dozen of unhappiness,

i spent, to ease my unhappiness.

I was out alone,

I drank a bottle of wine by myself,

i thought hub hub might escape me from the agony, .

but that didnt happened.

I believe he was inconvienent.

Mk, my bro accompanied later part of the night till i reached home,

knowing what had happened to my family which he know i dont really wish to voice.

i voiced out to hua hua and he called me on my mobile i didnt answer the phone as i m not in the condition to talk.

with that unhappiness i know,

money cant buy kinship, cant buy love as well as faith.

I spent almost 200 bucks on japanese fine dinning and i know that was temporary.

i had the finest food tonight but why am i tearing?

I swear, with my integrity from now on,

that will be the only thing that make me tear again... Kinship.

And i will NOT DROP a single TEAR for any guy Except my DAD!!!

Be in my catergory before i tear for u !! !! otherwise you are not fit to be.

(Do u know?

I did tear for u once?

When you told me about the scenes i m gg to face? maybe one day? [Being an imaginative individual, i pictured that scene]

that one day u might leave me? To me, what is given to be the best of my ability is done. I do not expect and I do not sow returns . At the bottom of her heart, sad to say she is dead in heart after failures and hopesn from past experiences of trusts and betrayals, she will be her best not tear anymore. She has her reserve, in fact she is afraid to love, she might miss someone but rationale tells her not to. The creative side of her brain tells her maybe what you deserve is not going to happen and reserve yourself emotionally, you never know when's Tsunami coming again. Thou she loves him more than anyone could imagine, reality and memories of bad experiences do exist. Who knows one day, she will be badly hurt once again. She want s look forward most of the time but nightmares haunt her. Taking the approach of no expectation does make her feel better but with uncertainty

(Via daddy kong, when ego and pride of yours raise, u will treat others like idiots)

I wont care that much,

I just cant take the fact that my family is tearing apart.

Then monetary means can only cure the temporary self just that moment.

I became emotional after the phone call with mum.

I loathe that bitch LC.

I curse and swear that she dies in hell ! !!!

I mentioned to no one.

Fuck her and wish that she dies in hell.

Fuck!!!

As days . . .

1st thing on 11th nov,

beaching early in the morning.

I miss the clear blue sky,

I want to laze around the beach.

Grab a jug of beer,

Spend a night at the resort.

Watch the nightfall,

Lying on the beach bench beside the pool.

Looking at twinkling stars,

take a short nap,

before she create a the wave of determination and strongheaded willpower to climb her way to the top.

Paint

Its well taken by Doodoox - Juliette

BLANK

I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU,

I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU,

I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU,

I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU,

I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU,

I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU,

I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU,

I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU,

I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU,

I MISS YOU,I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I LOVE YOU, I MISS YOU,

I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU,

I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU,

I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU,

I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU,

I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU,

I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU,

I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU,

I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU,

The Strange old/young man

Strange old man

The strange old man is my paternal grand-dad. He had stroke a month ago, he has been the cause for the disagreement with my dad 2 weeks ago as well as few moments ago. Dad was nagging that why sis and I didnt even ask or pay paternal grand-dad a visit. Frankly sis and i just cant be really bothered about that.

In fact, sis and i wasnt close to him. This old man has got 10 children with the number 11th child who is my dad as an adopted child many decades ago. His bias eyes only favors the sons and grandsons in the family. In his eyes, it seems that dad was being adopted to resign the fate of a slave. He was ill-treated back then, strange old man was unreasonably bias towards myself. I cant say that i hate him but true enough i do not like him either. In recent years, it seems that things are getting better, Of COURSE . . . as among his children, it ended up to be my dad to be more successful in business.

Strange Young man

It was in amid of family discussion when the strange young man pops in with a sms. I should call him EG. The sms came with an invite out for drink at 3am in the morning. Its strange. When i asked him where the hell offers drinks at 3am in the morning on a Tue night. He offered his "humble home" Thanks and i rejected it without euphemism. It really put me on thought that is he the EG i used to know? Or Ry was right about him. He's just another jerk? Anyway i wouldnt care much, his name just shoot across as an acquittance. The smses chat continued. I found out that he runs a dance and music instructing team to various schools locally JCs, labelled secondary schools etc, spontaneously i asked if he is interested to sponsor a short film for an international platform. The answer is uncertain, and he wants to talk about it in detail. How truthful that is i wouldnt know until i get to meet him up in person.