Self prepared dinner

He whipped up a self prepared lunch with sumptuous black pepper crab,

crayfish and fresh steam prawns.

The smile on my face implicated the joy I had when I indulge myself in the lovely meals he prepared.

But there is this feeling barging behind my back,

I feel the stress in my hubhubie which I do not know why and what is the cause of it.

He dont seems to be happy in a way and I have no idea of what the underlying reason behind his stress.

I sincerely hope I am not the cause of his stress.

I just feel that he feel disturbed in a way or another and I shall not probe further although I will be more than glad if he will to share the cause of what is bothering him with me.

I dont want my hubhub to be unhappy.

-

I realised that I am always the one behind the scene,

(Like the staff for back drops, music, lighting, props and miscellaneous little stuffs before a play can be perform smoothly and applaused by the audiences)

preparing the stuffs for the BBQ chalet a day before official, rubbing his aching back to relieve his ache, giving him a warm nice hug with my skinny arms, washing and cleaning up on my own accord, helping him with what I can within my means without any expectation of return.

Those are the things I will never imagine myself doing in the past as I am pretty pampered in a way, most of my relationship do not allow me to do any of those.

Probably just a 5 mins of massage on the back of others (excluding dad, as he deserves it) will leave me complaining for hours of the day.

When situation comes to him,

he is like a piece of flesh of my body,

so precious and too painful to remove it.

All I want to see, is him being lighten off loads,

there is little effort which I can do,

but sincerely hope that it does help a little.

-

He asked me to choose a ring from his pack of gifts he brought back from Thailand and I refused to ( turned and looked at the tin carousal he gave 2 weeks ago, beside the carousal is the tiara he gave last Christmas, the pink rocking horse on his trip to Bali and my first gift from him, the violin musical box on my last birthday),

Each and every item symbolises something which I labelled on a small slip of paper attached to it.

They all mean alot to me in different phase of our relationship.

Each of them symbolises something unachievable by monetary means which is the feeling I had upon receiving each and every of his gift.

-

I do not know if he realise it,

the wooden piano I assembled,

sanding it on the rough sand paper and painting it over and over again to make the gloss.

That was a gift from him to me,

and returned with greatest misses during his Bali trip last year,

each coating of paint induces the amount of love I really had for him,

finished with a velvet love symbol on the edge,

and the assembling of the giver of love below the grand piano.

:)