Day 99

Day 99
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To be exact, day 99 and 98 seems to just merge into one. My day 98 ended at 6am in the morning leaving the arms of my hubhub and start with work in the morning. I had some kind of weird feelings the day I left his arms. This question of doubt and uncertainty. I start questioning myself of what do he want from me? What if I end up in another drop-bitter resendment with hubhub again? There is this feeling which tells me, he do not want to commit into anything. He will not dare to.

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I left and board the cab with sad feelings hounding in me, fear came and saddness surround. I was being denied 3 times by this man I love so much. I tried to comprehend with my own knowledge but I am just getting nowhere out. At that moment, I left God out of my mind.

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I was late for church, Rushed on my heels to expo I am so super duper late. I was mumbling to myself, PLEASE . . . Dont start the sermon before I reach, Pastor Kong wait for me. I need my answers to this saddness in my heart. Why ? * There is nothing about confession and stuffs, dont be silly, God dont really work that way * Everything is about an answer. So many uncertain situations/worries/etc in life, So God please help me.

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45 mins late. I ran in, thank God, The band group 3PM just finished their performance, Just Right Argh . . . Pastor Kong Walked up. . . .

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Right up and 1st sentence Pastor Kong Speak; Right smacked on my face. Sermon today is about Self-control. Lust, anger, emotions and addictions.

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For the fear attacks I had been suffering from, I probably forgotten how I put God FIRST in my life. How I am that close to God. How can I forget that !!! How I prayed and how God became my provision and changed my life.

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That moment in church, I reconnected everything back and I was plugged into God's channel again. Everything muted, I felt God's presence like how I used to. Father came straight to my heart and told me, why do you doubt me for what I have told you. You see visions and you dream dreams. Why do you have so little faith with me? I love you my child, seek only me as I am the one who protect your heart. For my child, you will be fruitful and what I've promised you will come true. Wait patiently for me my child and this will not be too long. Tears rolled. Immediately all my worries were gone. I know for things not within my control, my dearest heavenly father will put back into place in his will. Because God loves me, and he will give me only the best.

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I received instant peace and all my worries/questions/paranoid left in a snap. I received the renewing of mind, fresh oil and anointing. We cannot live in yesterday's anointing, we need to be constantly renewed for a fresh of mind every single day.

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Thank you father my provision, my strength, faith, protection and guidance.

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Prayers: lord Father, you lookafter my hubhub, teach him walk as he will speak the words of truth. Because I love him so so much, I put my hubhub in your dedicated loving hands. Touch him your way and let him have encounters with you in your will. Grace.

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Smelly boo, haiz-ya . . . . I miss you de la super big bully. 你很讨厌的，就爱欺负!!我!! 疼我多一点会要你的命啊? :( 是不是因为知道我很爱你所以才这么舍得欺负我?