Day 158

Day 158

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I am still crying,

I do not know what can I do to stop crying.

I am so painful,

my heart keeps on contracting,

I cannot drink and I am afraid to eat.

I practically puke everything out.

I hate myself for being so weak.

I do not want to fall back to what happened last year.

I dont want to be on drip with tube in my wrist anymore.

I am not sad, I am grieved.

Why I cannot make my love happy.

He is sad and he is in agony

He grieved me more because he is sad.

We really love each other very much.

The most stabbing part is we love each other very much.

His heart belongs to me and mine to him,

that is the reason why both of us is so painful,

so sad,

so painful,

so so painful.

Father Abba lord;

you told me that you are going to cut me,

cut him,

cut away our heart,

and that requires scarifies.

Scarifies that are painful and tears filled are the utmost scarifies bao bao and I can make.

I hear my baobao's heart crying, crying so badly.

That makes me cry to you lord even louder.

The spirit of bao bao and me connects through you father.

Because that is love and

love requires scarifies.

Abba lord you told me; you've have put love into us,

that love is from you God,

you didnt let this love leave our heart.

This love requires our scarifies.

But Abba, I dont have to strength to move away from this pain.

Father let me find strength in you and walk with me.

Lord I am part of your plan,

my hubhub is part of your plan,

you made us realise how much we love each other.

If not for last night,

he wouldnt have realise how much I really mean to him.

You let my hubhub face his own heart,

listen to his own voice.

But father, my hubhub can deceive everyone but not himself.

Because father, you put his love of me straight down in his heart.

It is rooted so deepy for the both of us.

Lord you fulfil your promise to me that you will send someone to guide my hubhub,

you did.

But to guide hubhub into a man you want to shape requires my great scarify.

I want to walk in faith and to believe father that you promised this to me.

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God you have sent an angel down to guide my hubhub,

Xiao Yan is that angel,

I have to trust in the people you send,

Father protect her as she will guide my hubhub.

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God: you never forget your promise.

You told me I will get married to the man you put in my heart.

You get strangers to confirm that what you said to me is true.

You speak to their heart and they told me, I will be fruitful with hubhub,

we will be happy and blessed from the love of yours father.

God you told me I have to leave,

I did what you told me to do,

but

this is really so painful, so painful father.

Lord you said; he has to leave me, but when Abba you give him back into my hands,

we will be forever.

Father let me trust ; put my life totally in your hands,

you are giving me the best,

I have to trust in you father that you will make hubhub at his best.

You promise that you will not take his love for me off his heart,

and you will stir it up when the time is right.

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I was reading my bible while I cry,

Father your words come out to me as living words;

You said ; to be in christ, I have to go through long-suffering which is paitience,

trust myr worries in the great hands of yours,

for the father loves me and he is preparing the best for me.

Expect what your father Lord is going to give you.

Even if it is a tiny promise he gave you, he never forget.

Not to talk about the man he is giving it to you.

I have to cut this man,

operate on him,

when he is perfect,

he will find you through me the father who loves you so much.

My God my lord ; you are real, you spoke to me and ask me trust in you.

You spoke directly to my agony and told me to trust in you father.

Thank you father,

I claim this,

I recieved.

This is what hubhub wrote : ๑۩۞۩๑♠♣♥ ∆Never take someone for granted. Hold every person close to your heart because you might wake up one day and realize that you've lost a diamond while you were too busy collecting stones♠♣♥

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Father you will let him find me,

because I am always this precious diamond in his heart,

yesterday, today and forever.

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Father please dont forget hubhub,

dont forget me.

Dont forget this unworthy sinner you speak to through christ.

I want to trust in you,

leave my hubhub with you.

I cannot see him anymore.

I will wait for your instructions father.

Father I leave my beloved Isaac my scarifies in your hands.

Father Abraham has to leave his son Isaac in the scarifies alter to kill him.

God you send angels to stop Father Abraham; you see the faith of the Father of nation Abraham.

Father let me have the faith of Father Abraham,

I leave my hubhub Luoyi with you.

I commit Luoyi totally into your hands.

Luoyi is my Isaac !

Although it is really so painful,

but

Father you way is always higher than mine.

Luoyi is part of your plan.

Father thank you for opening his heart and putting me in it.

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Father please protect my hubhub, protect him, please protect him!

Please father, I know even when I leave, you guard him and put me always so close to him,

you make me to be closer than the air he breathes

that one day, through you Lord, we will reunite,

because we are both good child of you father and you will bless us with blissfulness,

I believe father, even time may pass, but our love for each other will stay strong.

No one is able to take that love away except you lord.

Lord because you put so much love into our heart, you wont allow anyone to take it away form us.

When the time is ripe, father you will make 2 loving hearts connect,

2 hearts to become 1 heart.

I know I will be able to hold his hands tight through you God !

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God you keep injecting this vision into me,

standing at the pulpit,

sharing my words and testimony with my husband;

you make me see hubhub standing next to me, holding my hand.

I trust and I believe.

It is through Iove I left my bao bao, It will be through love he find me again.

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I just cant believe it I have been crying for the past 10 hours.