Reflections

I had a day at work to reflect on what Dr Dolly had said when I told her I woke up earlier this morning with the nightmare of the hurt he gave and the multiple slaps him across his face. I asked her why was that so and I woke up in anger. She told me its fine and it is part and parcel of emotional control in our sub-conscious mind. During our consultation I asked her ample of why and how can I be so devastated? Probably, this is the 1st time experience I had in my entire life which I gave whatever I had including my reservcs, with the end results and unsatisfactory answer to my doubts, and I just broke down. She talks me into facing my fear in a softer way, most importantly I puke no more. I do not know if this is temporary or for good. I hope it is for good. Finally I realised the underlying reason of why do I puke, too long-winded to be post out in detail. Well I am trying to understand myself better, sad to say, I need someone else to help me understand myself better in a way and the actions I made. Hopefully, he wont get slap again in my dreams tonight. Pretty scary and terrorising in my life, where I miss him so badly in day, and anger headed self slapping him in my dreams. I am such a sadist. Maybe this is what we call a love-hate relationship.