Thank you

Just a simple Thank you,

from the deepest of my heart,

for the effort you've made,

for the time you're willing to spend,

for the dishes you've whipped,

for the sweat you've shed,

for the petrol you've travelled,

for the love you're willing to give,

and

for the hug and kiss you gave.

Thank you

Thursday the lousy

I miss the self I used to be, the Seven with drive, passion, love, ideas and determination. The days when I was school, teach violin and was heavily involved with pride in financial planning. My life was filled with ample of joy and fulfillment. Those were the days when I am filled with confidence till the brim where nothing is impossible. Those were the days I outshine and create intimidation to my other half. Much of it owing to the self determination, narrowed mind and capability I had. I remembered buying mum a pair of 2 carat diamond earings which I easily bombed a few thousands on it. A nice kinetic gravitied watch for dad which is close to thousand.Those are the day I literally outshine all my peers and many are looking up towards me because I am spending and earning my own money. I am beginning to miss school and I reckon that I will be heading back school real soon which I am looking forward for the coming year.It will be a new start altogether and I will be hitting-on with new friends and start with my new affiliated uni-mates. Knowing new up-coming working individual and potential clientele.

.

I am a pressure cooker, the higher the stress amount, the higher I am capable to achieve and soar greater heights. School is a great place and absolute playground for me, may it be during secondary school days, poly days or my uni-days. I am always actively involved in nonsenses which is great fun other than brain twisting projects.

.

2010 will be a fulfilling year to come. I will be staging for a damn hectic year to achieve my goal with my own ability. Yet to come but looking forward to getting my first car without the help of my dad. The Porche to be exact. In time to come, I will run work with my rightful schedule for the remaining of the year paced to stretch myself full force.

.

For relationship wise, I have long forgotten since when I've lost so much confident in myself. I feel paranoid which I usually would not, I feel insecure which I usually would not as well. I really miss those days where we handled us so well and we trusted each other so much. We make lesser calls, and there is not even the need to inform each other about our whereabouts or whatsoever. The 10 months of dating were the most enjoyable until the trust factor avalanches with the cause and we are suffering the effects now. I am unhappy and hated the current self, because I really do not know why am I turning into such a paranoid and insecure girlfriend. I know my hubhub is suffering from it because he has to pacify me more often than what he used to do. I am no better either. Its very annoying and bitter to suffer this paranoid-ing behaviour. Now I understand how a paranoid Girlfriend feels like. How a paranoid girlfriend react and how insecure they are. Therefore in order to reduce this amount of insecurity they would choose to be around their guy as much as they can. It feels like shit and its the worst nightmare. It is unhealthy for us as well. How can I remedy it well? We just want to be happy. Just like the little easily contented enjoyable couple we used to be. We just want to love each other and be happy.

.

I was verbally hurled by my dad. This time round things get real ugly although I remained slience throughout. Things got worst when he used very ugly words at me and I started tearing. I remained quiet. I do not know why am I in such a pitiful state to be so badly verbally abused by my dad. My dad had little education, therefore words used are pretty abusing and unpleasant. He sounded me as such an useless daughter, a bitch, an ungrateful maggot who does nothing for the family. I really felt so hurt and I left the house when he is still hurling away. One of the worst I've felt. I went downstairs crying by myself at 11pm until my buddy came. At times when your emotional balances screwed you up, causes internal disorder. I have to handle the dumb insecure self and to digest the lousy verbal abuses. I dont even have to courage to bother my hubhub, I am afraid that he will feel that I am trying to divide attention from him which I am really not. But I just felt so miserable.

A lesson to be learn

The lesson to be learn

Out of own accord

At once I felt so tired

I felt so unworthy which is meaningless

There are little appreciation and everything is taken for granted

It is a bad omen when I start doubting

Nothing good comes out of it eventually

I am giving everything up

It is painful

but it will be more tormenting if I have to take the risk to go through these adhoc behaviours he randomly gave.

I am a human,

a living person who needs appreciation.

I am not an object, a tool nor am I a thing.

I do not need him to be grateful of the things I've done,

I do not need him to entertain me 24/7,

I do not need him to give me surprises every now and then,

I don't need these.

Sometimes I just need a simple hug and a gentle whisper to tell me that he appreciate it.

But I ended up receiving the feeling of I am just an extra.

An extra who is at help of his when he needs me,

and "please give him some space" policy when do not need me.

How nice he is when he wanted me to help him out with work,

How attitude he is when wanted me to leave him alone when he is merrying in a party.

I do not want to be that Extra anymore

Why do I need to be an Extra when I can be so well protected like a precious piece of GEM ?

M.E.Ssage

Here's a message to mel.

.

1. Hey mel, you finally updated your xanga blog. FINALLY ~
2. I am glad that you are single and that's the end of your confinement
3. So Roy do not need to sit at your corridoor and chit chat with you
4. So Roy, Joz and myself will be able to see you more often
5. You wont go missing for our hotel stay anymore
6. We can call you for booze
7. Lar Tei session * Sorry we downgraded to coffee shop for cheaper means, its no longer the Lido mac we met *
8. Remember the magnet I handmade for you like ages ago? My god, its like freaking 6 - 7 yrs ago. The star star thingy
9. Although all of us knows that you are a super werido, but you are still a great friend
10. and your ex.gf is still single < I better strike this off before I got killed by Holly >

By the way I am talking nonsense for point no. 10

Management

I am thinking of love management. Managing a relationship with future outcome. I am doing whatever I can to manage it, but the jig.saw wouldn't fall into place with one party. I cannot do it alone. I never want us to fall into a stagnant. A plain boring long term relationship like many couple do, stay home, watch tv, do nuts, have sex . . . I mean, haven these people forget how they used to date each other? In a nut-shell, a love relationship needs to be manage and not taken for granted. I start to think over my existance in his life. I am glad that we spent a great Saturday doing Kayating together. On the hind-side, I believe it makes no difference whether I am there or not. I can sense that he is getting bored again and its less than 2 months time. So what is the point of being there, for the sake of being there? No incentives, no bonus, no appreciation and worst of all, it just make you feel like a piece of unnotice hanging hook on the wall. I do have dignity, ego and strong pride which I decided to lower myself in front of him. But it is never appreciated.

.

* Don't make me feel that I can cling onto you day and night IF you don't intend to make it happen.

.

* Dont tell me that I invaded your privacy WHEN you are the one who told me I can look into your handphone anytime.

.

* Don't make me feel that we can spend our lifetime together IF you don't intend to make us workout.

.

* Dont make me a boring GF not because I am boring, BUT its you who got bored of me.

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* Dont tell me that we have reached the husband and wife stage BECAUSE you are not interested to bring me out for a date.

.

* Dont tell me you love me alot BECAUSE this is the way you love me.

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* And dont make me look like a stupid fool WHEN you are the idiot who hugged me tight and told me you will treat me with greatness from then on before you left for work assignment at KAPLAN Centrepoint.

The Puppy

.The puppy.

She gets excited and happy every time she sees him

She enjoys the cuddling and doting whenever he is willing to give

She gives everything she has without reserve

Sometimes when he is in the mood, he will bring her to extremely fun places where she is more than overjoy.

She stays by his side whenever he needs company.

But during times when he is having fun,

he slip her off his mind where she will be longing for the next cuddle.

Sometimes even when she gets extremely tired,

she'll still drag her tired feet to earn the cuddle in his arms.

Although she faced hurdles and direct confrontation,

she will still want to stay by his side.

But

She do not want to be treated as a puppy,

someone to be so readily available.

Someone who he can give a pat on her head when he feels like it.

Walk away and expect that she will be waiting.

Come back when he feels like it.

Think of her only when he misses her warm company and when help is needed.

To be call to come and go.

She just has a simple pure loving heart for him.

She don't want to be just a little puppy.

Can she ?

The Disco King/Queen

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Thursday

Shhh . . .~ He is sound asleep. I had dinner with his mum and groceries shopping at the supermarket. I carried the soup brewing ingredients back home, started the cutting and chopping of the home brew lotus root soup. We haven been having home cook dinner for these few days which consitute the reason why I am dying to have a taste of some home cook soup :)

.

He had a hectic hardcore of booze the previous night which namely reveals the reason why he is sleeping at this current moment. He had his night spent in his humble like sedan until my morning call wakes him up with a snooze mode of a 10 minutes interval. Yes he spent his night in his multi-storey carpark. Well, to make a comparison, he is better off than my buddy kenny who once spent his night in the badminton court in front of his residing block where 8 - 5 office personnels treated him like some refugees of strange look.

.

Myself

.

I woke up the moment I voiced my morning call to him. Had my breakfast and was waiting paitently for the Osim repair man to arrive. The footrest of my massage chair got stucked. Headed toward daddy's workplace and I was ordered to pick my doggie up for some grooming appointment. Kenneth the groomer was not around, so I ended up in Pat's nail salon to get my medi, pedi done up. I suppose to meet Patrix up for some afternoon coffee session but he ended up in Alexandra again. Guys and cars.

.

It seems like a boring Thursday, nevertheless what is important ? Hubhubie to have a well body rest. He had been draining himself badly and too frequently. *shakes head* Making a flashback, he had been spending his nights out since last Saturday night. I bet he threw the kayating activity this coming saturday off his mind. Oh btw, I didn't go for the Transformer drive-in movie at Fort Canning last Saturday. He already made his plans with his friends therefore I didn't even mention anything to him. But to imagine it, with the more than human size Bumble Bee Transformer machine beside his cute little bubble tank, its gotta be so cute. Well too bad, its a miss.

.

Messy . . Messi

I picked up the keys and drove down to Zouk after numerous smses, and nagging. I finally handed the car key to the valet. Met up with the 3 Erics, the Pong, Guay and Lim. In fact I was pretty surprise that Pong was there with Kel.H. and my jaws went ajar to hear what my director Pong told me. My eyes went into a straight line.

.

I have no idea what Daren told Kel. and I have no idea what Kel told Pong. Pong simply said " Kel said that your life is very messy " Messy and messed up carries 2 different meaning altogether. I twitched my eyes to Kel and gave the killer look for smudging my reputation. I've did nothing. I tapped Kel by the back gave the darting eyes and said " What ~~ !! dont anyhow say hor, what messy . . . I am very define with my actions and I follow the no nonsense policy at least for myself " He turned and chin pointed towards the direction where ly was standing. We were at the next table in fact. Seriously I feel that Kel has a problem/prejudice with ly; or mayb he've seen ly bumming around long enough with never ending episodes flirting in the past? or maybe did his gfs got screwed by him? Or probably is ly who had a condemn past where a mentor like Kel would always remind me to stay away from him? Marvelously, can anyone tell me what happened?

.

And to clear up. I am not Messy its just messed and screwed up somewhere back in the past, but hopefully not in the future anymore. I loathe such labels, especially when my director is the one telling me this . . . . . '_' "

Bloodties

After hearing so much, I finally watched Bloodties the movie this afternoon. I watched it by myself, knowing that he wouldn't have the time to catch it with me thou he promised to catch it with me together the following week after his gala premiere :s Aniwaes. . .

.

The story was well-written, It is definately worth watching. It is more of a thriller than some horrifying ghostly tale seen on its trailers.

.

.

It's the twist of the story that catch you off suspense, *thumbs up*. Catch it in theaters and have a new benchmark for local productions. A piece of comment, forget about Jack Neo's "Where got Ghost" or some local 881. This piece of film is comparable to those renown Hongkong movie flicks in the market.

Sometimes

Sometimes you just cant help but to miss him

Love you vs like you

喜欢他 - 可能是他为你所做的一切

爱他 - 却从不计较为他做的一切

。

喜欢他 - 可能是他的个性很不错

爱他 - 却是连他坏的离谱的性格都能接受

。

喜欢他 - 可能是应为他的好

爱他 - 却是连他所有的缺点都能接受

。

喜欢他 - 是在他做完运动时，臭的不得了的时候叫他去洗澡

爱他 - 却是在他最脏的时候给他一个拥抱

。

喜欢他可以有很多很多个理由，

但爱他，你却说不出，为什么你可以就只对他一个人好。

。

我就只想对你一个人好，

我重来都不觉得你可爱，直到我发现我真正的爱上你。

Jellie

His/her name is given by me : Jellie.

Jellie looks like a discard plastic bag from far.

Jellie looks Silly, Slimmy but it is toxic.

Jellie was found in the open canal of SengKang Park one day.

Both hubhubie and I believed that Jellie is the Grand-daddy of 50cts mini Jellie super Junior.

We cant keep Jellie as our pet as the container we brought is too small for Jellie.

The diameter of Jellie is about 12cm,

lenght apx to be 15cm.

Its cute and blur,

Slow moving and wobby.

See you soon at SengKang Park Jellie.

Its a refresh

Watched this fabulous movie 6 years ago about the Japanese clan war of 2 major ninja families where the only daughter and son of this 2 clans fell in-love.

Interesting :)

Have a good laugh

The moon light

Wululu wululu daily reported live on air.

Taken from the telescope from the window off Dr.Wu's apartment @ 9.45pm Saturday.

Objective of the showdown is to monitor if there is any unknown objects/living.

Capturing the rapid moving moon with our naked eyes.

The close-up of the moon in place.
Beautiful

Telescope for rental @ SGD$30.oo per day

Reported by Seven Shi wululu wululu daily, equipments supported by Dr Wu's unknown object research lab.

" 3 Days 2 Nights "

Day 3

Updates of journal entries. What are the consequences for not returning home for the past 2 nights. I got screwed verbally over a video conference from my mum and reprimanded over the phone 3 hours ago by my dad before I got home. I stood below my residing block for a good half an hour before I decided to head back home.

.

Its Sunday, I woke up in his bed as usual, open my eyes, saw him sitting in front his lappy with facebook and cellphone in his hand. I rolled on the bed for a good 25minutes accompanied by on-coming disturbance of his incoming smses he discreetly replied. * roll eyes *

Back in the living room when he was deleting the sent smses he gave, I took a glance and saw his flirting sms. * roll eyes again * Sigh, scandalous . . . . He quoted an example; it is wrong to smuggle unpaid duty tax cigarettes across customs, but as long as you're not caught its okay. My reasoning, yeah . . he is one daredevil who smuggles unpaid duty tax cigarettes across custom even though he was caught for the past 2- 3 occasions. Lets applause for the courage. Well the hind side of it, penalty just higher each time.

.

I asked him who am I to him, and I hated his dubious answers, Boo . . Any acquaintance or prey out there who question him if he has a girlfriend. Oh yes, he is truthful enough to say no of course, he do not have a girlfriend. He is always truthful, because I am no girlfriend but wife-to-be. So sweet and nice. Is there a relationship status for wife-to-be? I think so. I think being Engaged is the word to use :) I am so glad for the recognition and I should introduce myself as that in future. The word for husband-to-be should be call Fiance.

.

Day 2

It was late evening when he decided to dig his telescope out of his store room to check out the moon. He did. Those skywatching tri-port telescope. I was impressed and amazed. How many young girls would have died in his sweetness and innovation, giving jaws-dropping amusement to his Casanova's way to increase the wow factor in him. Impressive. If I have a choice to not fall in-love with him, I would choose to be his female buddy. Like who I am towards Kny, Tny and Dan. For most people who knows my buddies, they are ultimate jerks towards women out there but greatest friends of mine. Its my luck, I have no reasons how the shit to comprehend about my hubhubie. I am just too into him. I just love him so damn much I do not know why. He is ultimate, he is great in all ways, he is a great cook, he is romantic, he is so sugary sweet, he is adorable, he is interesting, he is not fugly but the fatal point, he can be flirtatious in many ways towards others. He is not only Bad bad boy, he is also naughty naughty boy Sometimes

.

Day 1

We were burning joss sticks and paper monies below his block with his mum. Praying and making blesses for individuals as what chinese used to do during the lunar 7th month. We had our lovely conversations below his block. We spent lovely time together doing the weirdest things. We did simple yet enjoyable moments shopping in the newly opened Daiso across his place. We had lovely and heartwarming hugs during our shop-out in the supermarket. I never get bored with his company and hopefully it is vice-versa. He never complain on my lousy whipped up dinner. He gives me warmness and a place named home. I love him, I would gladly stay by his side, keep him company and take care of this big kid till the days we are old and grey. I love him even during times when he pissed me off. Everything remains and my love for him still increases as days past. He seen it, feel it and he knows everything will be great as long as he don't break my heart again.

I started it.

I started flipping through my stuffs and I found these poems and poetry in my drawers.

Have a good laugh at it.

.

.

Tears

She cried when he gave her the first rose

She cried when he said he loved her

She cried when they first made love.

She cried when she said " I do "

She cried when she saw their first born.

She cried when he cheated.

She didn't cry when she got half his assets.

.

Affair

Steven felt guilty because he had an affair with Julie.

So, he bought diamonds and expensive holidays for his wife.

His wife found out about the liaison because steven was careless with his mobile.

Steven's wife called up Julie,

" Thank you very much,

please keep making my husband happy.

I'm eyeing for the BMW Z4.

.

Stupid

I hate you,

you lying bastard.

I believed you,

and you cheated.

You can go to hell,

I don't give a fuck.

There is nothing left to dwell,

Its just my rotten luck.

How could I love him?

I must be blind.

He is actually quite dim,

Aint worth a dime.

I was stupid

I was a fool

Damn you CUPID,

Go fix your fucking TOOL!

I found these

Carousal San Fransisco Age 19

Singapore Zoologicial Garden

Toyko Disneyland age 16

Fisherman Wharf San Frans

Golden Gate Bridge San Frans.

I don't who's the auntie

What is Criterias?

More than often, we set benchmark for the other half we have. I was discussing this issue with hubhub this afternoon when we were meddling with accounts for his shop. What do you see in the other half. I am simple in a way with benchmarks. After meeting up with all kinds of people I've seen for the past 25 years of my life, I found out that appearance is only primary.

.

Too bad, in many cases men are shallow. Somehow they do not appreciate the good, because they only look with their eyes. If you will to ask me, what kind of guys I am attracted to? Men with brilliant brains. They do not need to be ultra suave or damn great looking, those kind of shallow appearance are meaningless to me. What matters the most is what are they made of? Are they made of drives and passion?

.

I refreshed myself of why am I attracted to my hubhub. The words he said; men full of promises are the ones who can't fulfil it. Men with actions never make promises. * That was when I grew affection for him *

.

Besides that, I love men who are filial, during one of the many nights a year ago when hubhub and I were working on the accounts at Macdonalds' beside his place, he told me this; looking at the amount of hardwork his mum did to support the family. He said; seeing my mum slogging for living made my heartache. My perception of him changed.

.

During one of the nights when he reprimanded me so strongly for not loving myself enough during those days when I was with Ian. My favour for him increases. This goes on and on, I finally got myself so involved with him. I grew from liking to love, I started entrusting faith onto him as the days grew. He told me that he will not discard me away. I start loving him more each and everyday. I want to spend the rest of life with him. Until one day, the fatal incident happened. I experienced the first lethal heartache. I start to accept that nothing is perfect. He is not perfect neither do I. At the point of time, I walked out his place when he was fast asleep. I decided to give him up. I did not flare nor did I tear. I just walked away. The feeling of disappointment overwhelmed. He got me back and justify for his wrong being and I was taken in. He gave his word for the first time.

.

Things went on fine for a month or so until one day, he decided to put a full-stop to all the fairy-tale he created. I was cool about it when this news broke up and I never realised I've put so much into it. I headed rock-bottom. I went off track and that was when I found out, I've given so much without myself realising it. At that point of time, I know that the only thing to do is to escape. I ran away abroad. Even thou, I can't stop missing him.

.

I came back and finally decided to give up totally. The only way to do is to cut away all updates and contacts. I started deleting all contacts of him.

.

He called again one late night to pick up my ring which I left in his place. I went, he hugged me tight when I see him again. We were back together once again and he gave his word for the 2nd time that he will not abandon me again.

.

The story will go on and on . . . . . . back on track to my topic Criteria. The only criteria I have. I dont need a dream guy, drop dead gorgeous, someone who is as sweet as honey, super sweet and nice. The criterias I have is simple, is a true person, who holds honour in words, not deceptive, who has integrity, filial, he cannot be dubious, knows how to sincerely care for others, love can be simple care and concern, littlest things made great difference. I only believe in qualities which last, not quantity which die off as time goes by. You will never realise that the carbon you are holding is a diamond unless you are willing to test it with time. Diamonds are made from carbon anyway. Lousy quality graphites carbon diamonds die off and the shine they gave will eventually diminish as time goes by.

.

Blesses and prayers: I've been busy lately, but dont worry I never forget my prayers for the ones I love, friends who care and peace in heart. Blesses for all my lovelies with good health and ability to face different challenges in life. Blesses for Kelvin's little newborn with wisdom and health. Blesses for Michelle and premature baby girl with good Health. Lastly I pray for greater warmness and harmony for home. God bless.

Finally

This is work

Finally,

I've got the pictures up after the debugging and updates of software from Java scripts.

Its hot stuffs

Especially when you see who's here endorsing it.
Contains Pure Ginseng and Thermal Plankton among other ingredients to soothe tired eyes!

Woah ho . .