when

When he is not by my side,  I went toys hunting myself. When he is not by my side,  I went playing in the arcade myself. When he is not by my side, I went shopping at Daiso myself. When he is not by my side, I play by myself, I play magic tricks to myself, I play UFO catcher by myself, I watch movies by myself, I go cycling by myself,  I walk by myself, I massage myself, I miss you myself . . . . . . But one good thing that makes me different and blessful.  In all things that I've done and Thought that I am alone, I am not alone. God is with me, all along, taking each step I move with me. If I haven have God with me, moving on with me, helping me and watching me each step I walk in faith trusting in God. IF, I still have chou chou by my side, I will still be living in fear, living in tears, living in doubt, living in a life so fearful of when will chou throw me away again. But today this will never happen anymore, for God told me he can never throw me away anymore for, God had rooted me deeply in his heart he cant abandon by his choice. One day, I really hope that chou chou will come to really know my lord my god, have a relationship with him, and there is when he will know that, he will be never alone anymore, he will not fear of his future, he will not do things he do not want to anymore, he will receive real freedom, the true first love from God and not me. God's love is so marvalous so real so wonderful. Feel it and you will understand what I meant.