Part 2 Kodogawa River

Day 2 - Refreshed Part 1

I woke up at 10am Osaka time, 9am Singapore hours,

missed the hotel breakfast.

Headed down to explore streets down my hotel

Stopped along the railway tracks to wait for the on-coming train to pass before pedestrians and vehicles are suppose to pass.
On the side streets

Day 1 - Osaka Lonely planet trip

I find the the shower foam and shampoo is pretty standard thou it is a so call budget travellers hotel.

At least they are POLA and handsoap are K'OSE
The interesting sign i saw on my bathroom door.

On board the JR Haruka Express from Kansai Airport towards Shin-Osaka Station to transfer to the subway beside my hotel.
Carrying with me is the Glass necklace which comes in a pair from hubhub's mum.

Its Japan timing 8pm when I reached Osaka,

took a train ride for an hour to reach my Hotel.

There is nothing much I can do at this timing.

Osen is closed.

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http://sg.news.yahoo.com/afp/20090517/tap-health-flu-world-2a5be5e.html

I went pretty blank out after reading yahoo news.

The high soaring H1N1 cases in Osaka-Kobe,

although I am not in Kobe.

I predict that things are getting much worst when day-break.

Can I still get my prayers at Kyoto Kiyomizudera Temple?

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Where is my hubhub?

I just miss him so much.

I thought my trip will take away my misses towards him.

But why is it on the opposite end?

I end up missing him more than usual.

During my flight,

when I am on the train

and

right NOW.

It is call . . . . .

Partying,

loud music,

people whom I classify as friends.

Get booze.

But when the night setters,

you realised you are all alone again.

I will open the windows and light my cigarette stick looking at the stars above me.

It is uncontrollable that images of you filled the entire mind of mine.

Tears start to fill my eyes.

Wondering how are you doing?

Are you fine?

I finally pluck my courage and send a message to him last night and I know he will not reply to it.

Where are you now?

Are you happy?

I will not give up although you choose to in the first place.

I will proof it as time goes by,

my love for you will stay strong although you choosed to give us up.

:)

Should I be call Silly?

下雨天

Its raining out there,

and I hope that my lovely hubhub wont get drench under the rain.

Wishing that my hubhub has a fulfilling and happy Friday.

Blessing the lovely with a graceful and joyous Friday :)

Missing him badly without contact for the number 6th day.

Be loving him always.

551

Good day to my lovely hubhub on a Thursday afternoon for post number 551.

Lucky cloves lucky cloves lucky cloves for the beloved one I love so much.

Give u luck, give you luck,

May luck fall on you forehead and not forefeat.

The lovely little brown brown whom I will not love him any lesser even when times change.

Maybe after many many years down the road,

coincidentally he tunes into my blog,

he will be surprise for the amount of blessings I bestow upon him.

Its just a simple and heart feeling thought of mine :)

* Squeeze the silly looking hubhub face with a kiss on his forehead *

~` 我想你的哪~~~~~

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http://ilife.i-cable.com/webapps/interactive/lots/lots.html <---- try this link for fortune telling, so funny, can shake shake shake de. Have fun my readers.

Memories

I will always remember how you held my hands,

Its the memories of the us that keeps me moving.

Kon'bawa

My late evening greetings and misses to my dearest precious,

and Happy Birthday to dear 'Hua Yi Lao lao'!

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I've made my bookings for hotel,

JR passes in Japan.

I will need to confirm my flight to Itami Airport rather than Kansai Osaka to reduce my travelling time.

Travelling time from Kansai Osaka to the hotel I am residing is like a good 45 mins JR ride and costs around a good 2470 yen which is around 40SGD.

Where arriving at Itami airport,

I will reach my residing hotel in 20 mins with 490yen by bus where I can do my sight-seeing while I am on board towards Shin-Osaka Train station ( a quick 5 mins walk to my hotel. )

JR passes starts on the 2nd day of my visit to aid my traveling towards Kyoto, Kobe and I shall try some Kobe beef.

Not forgetting,

no taxis in Japan as they must well kill me with the hike of min. 16,000 yen to travel to OSAKA.

16,000 yen is like a good 200+ SGD for taxi,

no way man !

Thats the price that I will pay to visit Bangkok.

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Comments and blessing for the day: ARgh . . I am missing him so badly till somehow the profile of his facebook had turned out the be "the wallpaper" of my lappy. The Sakura is still blooming, sigh, its okay, I will just have to imagine and hallucinate hard enough to have you by my side. Wishing Holly well, take a good mental rest in Taz for the coming weeks. Its pretty cold over there just take care.

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I guess I am getting better each day without depreciating the love and misses I have for you. Still love you so much, still miss you so much and still want to be with you so much.

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Showering my love and blessing to my hubhub * blink blink * wishing that he eats and rest well :)

Message to him

I do not know if the question on his Facebook is intended for me?

If it is so,

my answer to his 1st question is : I am always here, around the corner of his back. Sitting patiently waiting around the corner praying for his well being each and everyday. Hoping that one day he is ready to pick me up again from where we left.

2nd question: I am considered to be fine I supposed, still trying very hard to cope life without him around me. I don't want myself to be a burden to him, I don't want him to face me feeling a burden to his life.

3rd question: Happy? I do not know if I am happy, he is rounding my mind today and for many infinite tomorrow to come. I do not have the courage to call him at all. I tear when I miss him so badly but deep down my heart, I will be glad and smile to see him well and happy.

Although my greatest wish is to hold his hands till old and grey,

strolling down the usual path we took from the LRT station to his place,

singing with him as we walk,

him lying beside me, twisting my long and grey hair before bed.

*smiles*

Its just a wishful thinking of mine.

I don't dare to tell him straight to his face and frighten him off.

I know, he is afraid to receive the amount of self less love I can give,

he is afraid to hurt me.

Its okay.

Flying my misses and blessings

Daily misses and blessings to him as usual.

Loving him wholeheartedly each and everyday of my life.

He is my life and I will continue to send my blessings to him eachday.

Although I didn't get to see him,

hear his voice or text message.

I am just learning to love him in another way,

in a way he will be comfortable and happy without feeling any pressure from me :)

I am heading to Kyoto next week,

hopefully my package is done up so I can fly off either next Monday or Tuesday.

I will be travelling alone but I don't think I am lonely at all.

My heart is always filled with my little precious hubhub,

his smile and laughter,

his hug, his smell :)

I will bring my love on for him,

I do not dare to even think about seeing an outcome this lifetime with him.

But it is okay,

I have to accept that it is destiny.

He will never be replace, never be forgotten,

and his place will never be taken.

He has taken my heart in whole and my heart is too small to fit anyone in it anymore.

I will still want to meet him in my next life.

In the meanwhile,

I just want to see him happy without any compromising commitments towards me.

In time to come, to see him fufilling his dreams while I continue my blessings towards him in a corner he wouldn't even know.

But it is okay.
我有一种很强的感觉，

我会爱你很久.

-

我会从京都为你祈福，

祝福你开心，建康，快乐。

给你满满的幸福。

Tuesday

I jumped out of bed in tears again this morning.

Heartaching kills.

Argh Shit,

I am late for the training.

I swaggered my lifeless body to the bathroom and keep the tap running.

Finally after much struggle I was done with shower.

I looked into the mirror and start to talk to myself.

I squeezed my slim like face and cheeks,

10% of the outcome is not within my control,

90% is.

I need to cheer up and I smile to myself.

-

Get changed

Hail a cab

head towards valley point.

I peek into the meeting room.

I took a sigh of relieve,

Its Steven and not Mala.

Hahaaahahaa,

I walked in,

and VARMAN !!

and Varman goes SEVEN !!

Shhh . . not so loud, dont let Steven hear it.

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VARMAN

He got so excited when he sees me and I am so happy to see Varman after so long.

I suppose I wont be able to catch him up any sooner as he just took up a 1 yr contact with Mediacorp.

Paywise, definitely not as good as our line,

but its the high exposure we reckon.

I pat his back, I am so glad for him.

He got nominated for the best actor award with some old timer actors.

He got so excited, grabbed my phone and set an alarm on my phone to catch him on TV this weekend.

I told him, its great enough to get nominated and I will definitely give my fullest support.

You are the man VAR.

我每天都会给你满满的祝福

I am still painting on the blessings onto the never ending picture of him.

He will be attending the Wedding dinner of his ex-colleague and I sincerely wish and hope that he will meet someone to bring his career into greater heights.

I wrote his name and birthdate onto the book of

< 传运添富仪轨>

for blessings

thats the only thing I can do for him.

Someone asked me,

why am I doing all these for?

and

how long would I even be doing this?

He wouldn't even know or care about that.

Ans 1: 我只想看他好，工作顺利。

Ans 2: I have got no answer to the 2nd question. Maybe 3 years later, you will still be seeing me doing the same old stuffs or maybe I will still be doing that 10 years down the road. I wouldn't even know.

He do not need to know nor care about that,

Its just a part of me to wish him well

because at the end of the day,

I just want to see that he is doing well in life :)

Toy Museum

The water flask which cost US$15,000 . .

Thanks Mr Chang (CEO of Toy Museum) for the explanation and meaning behind the revolutionary behind each toy,
the racism,
the prejudices in each century.
Thanks for bringing me up to the roof-top bar to show me around with elaboration of the tin plated signs although it is closed on Sunday.

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Comments and Blessings for the day: I had a great day out at the Toy Museum, I believe in looking at the same place with a different conclusion each time and discovering new things while falling in-love with it. Thanks for the call this afternoon the precious hubhub even thou it is just a call to check out where is his XX0000 bracelet. Hope that you found it eventually as I really have got no idea where you left it.

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I was watching the Golden horse award and I am pretty glad that Zhang JiaHui got the best actor award for 2009 for the show " Witness" Its a great show I watch when I was with the precious. Finally, having some recognition in the filming industry after the struggle and hard work. * Claps *

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:) Wishing my precious well each day. Missing him has become a norm and praying for him has become routine each day. I just want him to be happy and well.

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Wishing and praying for mum, grandmum and ly's mum to be healthy and happy :) on every mother's day. The GuanYin's temple was flocked with people this morning when I send my prayer slips on. Wooh . .

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SHOUTOUT ! Any films marathon? Or Arty Farty Business?

The Damned ( La caduta degli dei) - date: 16 May @ Gallery Theatre

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly - date: 17 May @ Gallery Theatre. 7.30pm

For a few dollars more - date: 17 May @ Gallery Theatre. 4pm

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Back to ACT3 Theater play commencing in late may.

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Visual Arts

Small -yet -happy: 20th May @ Steve and Ernest Studio Gallery

Bukit Brown-: 21st May @ SG private banking Gallery

Sorrows -: 21st May @Utterly Art exhibition space

Cinemas and Movie Stars: @ SPM till July

Care less 5 loaves - Forth Gallery

Beyond Boundary -The Art Loft

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Enriching artworks, affordable workshops and the theatre play I longed to do.

Adorable

Thoughts

I am back in my private space once again.

I am still on my way towards recovery and indeed he did help in re-constructing my emotional being.

To start off from where we last left,

I feel he will not be happy with myself sticking by his side.

I just need to get well as soon as possible to make him be at a peace of mind.

As I really do not want to see myself in his emotional burden, which in fact both of us did no wrong.

I have to face it that, he is simply doing me a favour to give me a pull for my mental recovery,

which I am really grateful to that.

Although great and sweet stuffs continue to flow into the heart of mine,

I will have to tell myself,

It is just part of the therapy to my recovery.

I cannot wink at any slight hope or else things will be getting so much worst in the later stage of parting again.

I have to be constantly reminding myself,

reminding myself,

reminding myself,

the only objective of us is;

We got back together to part.

-

I did the quiz again on facebook which says; never to date a LEO.

I didnt overwrite my post,

As I think, he will be glad to see the answer to my quiz is not to ever date a LEO.

Anyway,

here's the new answer to my overwritten quiz where I did spare some thoughts before answering attempting quiz.

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NEVER DATE A SCORPIO

For those people who knows me well enough,

its a punch line of mine in fact.

Which is YES I will never date a Scorpio again,

they are just disasters to me,

Earthquake + Hurricane + Tsunami

Taboos in dating: No married man, no colleagues, no classmates and NO SCORPIOS.

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Never Date a Scorpio : Jealous, paranoid, and possessive - deep down, your Scorpio will never trust you. And even if you are very trust worthy person, Scorpio's paranoia may drive you crazy.

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Every single word in the analysis = Bingo.

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Blessings and comments for the day: Dad stop coughing, which is a good sign, my prayers had been answered. Giving my blessings to Holly for the unpleasant unexpected stress she is facing. Lastly, wishing that the precious of my heart to have a well body rest.

Blessings

I heard it somewhere from someone,

it is blessings to be considered to share woes and trouble from others.

I find that it is true.

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A piece of heart

by Ukay cheung

One day a young man was standing in the middle of the town proclaiming that he had the most beautiful heart in the whole valley. A large crowd gathered and they all admired his heart for it was perfect. There was not a mark or a flaw in it. Yes, they all agreed it truly was the most beautiful heart they had ever seen. The young man was very proud and boasted more loudly about his beautiful heart.Suddenly, an old man appeared at the front of the crowd and said "Why, your heart is not nearly as beautiful as mine." The crowd and the young man looked at the old man's heart. It was beating strongly, but it was full of scars. It had places where pieces had been removed and other pieces put in, but they didn't fit quite right and there were several jagged edges. In fact, in some places there were deep gouges where whole pieces were missing.The people stared -- how can he say his heart is more beautiful, they thought? The young man looked at the old man's heart and saw its state and laughed. "You must be joking," he said. "Compare your heart with mine. Mine is perfect and yours is a mess of scars and tears.""Yes," said the old man, "yours is perfect looking but I would never trade with you. You see, every scar represents a person to whom I have given my love - I tear out a piece of my heart and give it to them, and often they give me a piece of their heart which fits into the empty place in my heart, but because the pieces aren't exact, I have some rough edges, which I cherish, because they remind me of the love we shared.""Sometimes I have given pieces of my heart away, and the other person hasn't returned a piece of his heart to me. These are the empty gouges -- giving love, is taking a chance. Although these gouges are painful, they stay open, reminding me of the love I have for these people too, and I hope someday they may return and fill the space I have waiting. So now do you see what true beauty is?"The young man stood silently with tears running down his cheeks. He walked up to the old man, reached into his perfect young and beautiful heart and ripped a piece out. He offered it to the old man with trembling hands. The old man took his offering, placed it in his heart and then took a piece from his old scarred heart and placed it in the wound in the young man's heart. It fit, but not perfectly, as there were some jagged edges. The young man looked at his heart, not perfect anymore but more beautiful than ever, since love from the old man's heart flowed into his.

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Comments and blessing for the day: Dad: still coughing badly and sincerely hope that he get well soon, I will continue to make his pipalu water till he recover. Mum: forever naggy, I get pretty used to it when she complain dad to me. Just bless you mum. Holly: Things will be, will be, just take an open approach, leave the problems for tomorrow, there's nothing you can do right now. Bless you. Lastly I am still praying each and everyday for the well-being for my precious, wishing him healthy and happy each day.

The cuddle

I am really grateful for the help you gave to help me stand up on my feet again.

Knowing of your mind bothering dead knot you had for years,

my heart cant help to ache.

I am not at the right position to comment as I am suffering the same dilemma as you do.

I get so painful to see you being unhappy especially last night.

I couldn't even get any sleep on the familiar bed i used to lie on.

My tears just rolled on,

I turned and look at him,

my heart just quench,

quenching on the amount of pain he is facing,

deep in me, I was pondering over what can I do to clot his open wound for years.

Simply I just cant help to reduce any agony you have been facing for the past years.

-

Like what I've told you last night, and I am really thankful that the thought of help was given to me with your pair of warm hands.

In fact,

I just want to get my mental health back and thanks for the care you offered.

It is extremely terrifying when the mental mind is playing tricks on you.

Things get blocked up,

you get frighten over the silliest noise you hear in the middle of the night.

It not fun and I am not kidding to be shivering alone in the night where you have got no one to turn to.

Well

I am really thankful for all the things you did to make me happy today,

I hope I will not be taxing on you.

I am equally concern about you on the other end.

Although we went back as how we used to be,

but at the end of the day,

what I would really want to see,

is not you trying your best to make me happy again,

but

yourself being happy.

Definitely I won't want to see you to be in a struggle to make me happy.

Probably that is what "love" is all about.

Good night again and * a kiss on his forehead to wish him well *

Like what I've told him.

Time will speak the truth for itself.

The international

I finally went back to the office after a session of recuperation.

I reached office, people seems surprised upon seeing me,

I am indeed a rare sight as some even thought that I am a new synergy baby.

I catch a movie with AV around the vicinity of my workplace.

The international.

A story to seek the truth.

The truth with continual clue which reveal a conspiracy.

Many sacrifices were made in the process of truth seeking.

And at the end of the day,

it is a vain search for truth.

More than often, the truth is always disappointing and hurting.

Falling and bruising for a wild vain search with an unchangeable outcome.

So what if you are intelligent?

You are observant and determined to solve for the mystery?

Does it help?

Wild goose chase and sacrifices for a disappointing outcome.

No matter how much you gave or sacrifices,

you still ended up with nothing.

Thats life.

*Ouch*

-

Oh, well things are getting better on my ends,

at least he didnt get any slaps last night :p

instead he got a hug from me

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Blessings for the day/ comments: Sincerely hope that he is doing fine and well today :) And dad to get well soon from his cough :) Happy Birthday Mama, lets go for botox this week. Wooh hoo beach and wakeboarding this weekend :P And Pls get some workout Mr DvS ur developing boobs. My god. Take a look @ WC Js lm. He is what I call a perfect figure and outlook for male with brains.

Why?

Why is it so difficult to get him off my mind?

day and night.

Sigh.

I abandon my plans for movies with zhong zai and decided to stay home for the evening until ken ring by and asked my out for coffee.

He picked me up and we headed to Holland Village, for some chills.

He asked me what am I doing at home on a Saturday night? and Where is my boy?

Joking I replied, we're buddy buddy, following up after him.

As he just ended his relationship not long ago.

He wasn't caught up with surprise,

he simply told me,

The first look he got to know him,

he knows; less than a year.

Well he is not the first one who tells me that.

In fact everyone tells me that he shouldn't be the one I fall in-love with.

But . . .

I am the silly and foolish one,

who wants to prove everyone wrong and wants him to prove everyone wrong.

Probably thats the reason why, I am doing all I can to manage my relationship with him.

To believe what he is not,

ended up slashing myself like a damn shit hole with my double edged sword.

Still trying very best to heal it up.

I just got to try harder.

He just kanna slapped by me again last night in my dreamland.

Sigh.

Hope that he sleeps well tonight.

Abandon - Three

No wonder someone shout ~ Eh dont jump. . hahaa

PS: Joze and Roy, Our Macritchie outing okie . . :P

Abandon - Two ( Self )

The bitter smile on my face.

This is the picture I guess he will laugh about my hairline.

The familiar voice of him rang while I was uploading my pictures.

I just sank into misses.

The abandon

Here's some pictures of what I've taken today :)

Enjoy the exclusive as they are only available for my blog readers.

The violin musical box on my last birthday as my lead of the day.
Clear blue sky taken

Trails left by youngsters written 2 years ago for Solene or Jolene?

Thin thin, sounds so much like me.

" Skinny skinny "

Maybe One day

I am just a simple and ordinary human being. I know he is enjoying his life being single and he is happy about each and everyday. I know that he wont even bother about me anymore thats why I am pen-ing whatever I felt and did in my private space which I called my blog. I guess he wont even be reading this. My blog knows that I am struggling to keep myself alive. Being a Zombie day to day, getting professional help to keep my heart beating like a human being. I feel like a loser. A core damn loser. Why cant I be just like him? Sometimes how I wish there is such medication on earth to forget someone entirely. I just misses him that much. At least seeing him being happy everyday makes me feel at ease, at least he is healthy and happy. But when the night fall, I just cant help but to miss him like crazy as I know, I can only view him from far just like any other audience. I will always remember the kisses he gave on my forehead on the train the other day and tells me that he cant bear to leave me. Well, I will still be doing the usual stuffs like I does everyday, to pray for him, being sound and safe. At least he is still happy and I will be glad enough to watch him from the audience seat to see him succeed and reminisce on the days we used to have. Those tough but sweet old days we used to have. Deep down in me, he will always be my precious little hubhub, and I am sure time will not corrode the amount of care I have in him.

Reflections

I had a day at work to reflect on what Dr Dolly had said when I told her I woke up earlier this morning with the nightmare of the hurt he gave and the multiple slaps him across his face. I asked her why was that so and I woke up in anger. She told me its fine and it is part and parcel of emotional control in our sub-conscious mind. During our consultation I asked her ample of why and how can I be so devastated? Probably, this is the 1st time experience I had in my entire life which I gave whatever I had including my reservcs, with the end results and unsatisfactory answer to my doubts, and I just broke down. She talks me into facing my fear in a softer way, most importantly I puke no more. I do not know if this is temporary or for good. I hope it is for good. Finally I realised the underlying reason of why do I puke, too long-winded to be post out in detail. Well I am trying to understand myself better, sad to say, I need someone else to help me understand myself better in a way and the actions I made. Hopefully, he wont get slap again in my dreams tonight. Pretty scary and terrorising in my life, where I miss him so badly in day, and anger headed self slapping him in my dreams. I am such a sadist. Maybe this is what we call a love-hate relationship.

Good Morning

GoodMorning :) Waking up with water retention, big & small eyes.

Unconcealed pimples on my forehead, the just wake-up look.

Taken, when I just woke up half and hour ago.

Yes, I am yawning again, waking up at 9.30am after KTV till 4am laa late night.

Wishing my beloved "Ping an", " Ru Yi". Yawning again, its time for work after the consultation with Dr Dolly again :p xXxX Gee, I promised Dr Dolly to cut down on my drinks, and I did. . :) Thank you Dr Dolly for the patience for easing the uneasiness of my restless soul and helping me to get proper rest to commence in daily activities. I am looking forward for our next consultation.

Slowly and as the days goes, I will be able to miss you with an open heart without the quenching pain in my heart.