Something is wrong with me.

It is just this weird feeling where something is wrong. The feelings arn't right. I do not know how to barricade or elaborate. The feeling is not as initimate as how we used to have. Why? Although action increases, commitments rises. But I am least of all convinced?
I hate it when he texted me in a club and realising that I dont reply to it anymore.Because he does that to many others as well, I am just one of the many. Whats the difference? I hate it when he say sweet promises to me, where most of the sweet promises he gave in the past never come true. So what is the probability of it coming true? Maybe one-fifth or less to a hundred. I hate it when he kept quiet and think about his lies but nothing really convincing comes out of it. Yes, there's least amount of trust in him, because there is no conviction at all. I just feel no better at all. Yes, I am paranoid and I hate this feeling. The basic trust factor is so way-off. Ask me, do I trust him, the answer is no. Sad but true. and I really do not know what can he really do to gain back the trust?


ARghh. . Fuck it. . Have a fun evening with Fulala they all and have a good laugh at my stupidity.

Blind date

Ways to get rid of ur blind date:

1) Bring 20 candles.
Arrange around your table in a circle and ask your date to chant with you.

2) Fart loudly. (<--- hahaa this suits me)
When people stared at you, just stand up and bow to acknowledge.

3) Pull out a harmonica and play blues songs when your date begins talking about themselves.


- Ideas contributed by Mikey sweets, We are to protest no Blind dates from Grandma(s) :p

Disengagement

I had a disengagement which happened this morning and I feel, its a matter of fact I reckon god just wants me to know that. Because GOD doesn't want me to be blinded anymore. I am really puzzled and confused at the moment of time. A flash of moment I was dejected and disappointed once more. I do not wish to give any comment but to sit motionless at my seat. I really do not know whether can I believe in his words again? As I was deceived over and over again. This is when GOD anchor this matter across 'him' for the final time.

Probably GOD just happened to make him say it for himself. I realised GOD loves me more than enough to plan my path, to enlighten my soul and to nurture the self-being in me. He is teaching me a way of self cultivation in order to walk down the path he shone brightly at with greater courage and faith. Just like what Pastor Meng told me, the peace is within the connection with good and GOD. Where GOD comes in all forms. So . . .

I asked god, can I trust him again and god says.

:What sorrows for those who drag their sins behind them, with ropes made of lies, who drag wickedness behind them like a cart! Thou shall not find peace. ISAIAH 6:20

Like what I've told GOD he is not a bad guy, he is just misleaded and corrupted by the devil in him. I randomly flipped to god's word again and he says

:Peace is with you! As the father has send me, therefore I am sending you. Then he breathed on them and said: " Receive the Holy spirits, If you forgive anyone's sin, they are forgiven. JOHN 20:22

I am amazed, for my believes somehow, touched. You wont believe it until you encounter it yourself :)

You can be yourself and people just love you who you are. As in what Conrad told me. Those who do not see the beautiful heart you've got are not deem to be call a friend of yours. His quote which says: socialising with the beautiful people shallowly and in depth with the ones with a beautiful heart and wisdom. People who loves you for your being will never leave your life. He is one of the many who convinced me, why do you have a make a change in yourself to make others lust than being true over you?

With grace and serene,
Thank you

原来

原来爱是一种任性，不需要太多考虑，不需要太聪明，只要一句我愿意 :)原来我可以那么的爱一个人，能够爱到我自己都没法相信。可能那是一种缘分吧，是神的指意， 要让我认识真正的付出。也许不会有回报，可我可以体会有无至今的付出。在将来的有一天，神会然我看到我的光明，让我爱的人学会，明白，知道，付出也可以是一种快乐和幸福

The familar hug.

As I stepped into the familiar home once again

well greeted and acknowledged.

The people whom I feel great comfort with,

people I associate with this term I call family.

I love them just as much.

The familar hug he gave which makes me went speechless,

I am indulging in the great comfort and warm hug by him after days and weeks of missings.

I had lunch prepared by his mum and I just couldn't help it to tell her that I misses her so much.

I lied on the familar bed we used to had great conversation on,

accompanied with his warm hug.

I teared quietly in his arms.

I am not sad, I am just touched.

I do not need him to know how much I've suffered to love him.

He just need to know how much he meant to me.

Like what I've told god about,

he is not a bad guy.

Please bless this man I love with greater faith in things he can change,

more courage to face challenges he cant change.

Because he is the man I've love so much .. so much. . .

Is love sustainable?

Everyone out there knows how to love, but what is the sustainability of love? Right here I am not just talking about love in the usual male and female relationship. I am just quoting love as in general. May it be mother and child's love, siblings and whatsoever. Everyone has the capability to love, the question I have it here. How can we sustain love? A question was thrown to me, when a couple file for their divorce, does it mean they DO NOT love each other anymore? This may no be the underlying problem to their question. At times, they do. They still love each other. But why do they go on separate ways? I've learn an important lesson in life for Love, love is not only giving, it is the knowledge one enlightens. Because without knowledge in love, love turns into a double edged sword which eventually evolves to hatred. With knowledge, we will learn that love is not a stand alone, it consist of giving, understanding, caring, forgiving.

Uploading

Siblings :)

The Trio,

Myself, Foo Leng and Cal.

The VU party

Getting high. . and Calvin is stoning. .

The beautiful Korean lady :p

Sebastian and his new cartier shades.
Dont get ur shades crushed again sebast .

Richard Chua and myself.
His bday is on the 24th and mine on the 25th.

Teo Hua hua has his on the 27th.
Its our Birthday :)
I had my Birthday wish :) My wish for the year, I sent my request to god to bless each and everyone who loves me with health and happiness.

I had a great and fun night with everyone with me.
Someone just asked me,
Hell Seven' how come you're so happy today.
Insanely happy.
I replied. I don't know? Maybe . . . some calls/messages I received.
I had a long long talk with Conard that night.

One of the few occasion I talked so much with Conrad.

Something out of expectation. Conrad dont really talk, he simply observe.
Conrad used to be the management team with Mediacorp and branches out in his company not long ago for events and marketing.
He told me this which somehow stayed in my mind.
About myself. The self in me. He just did an analysis which I shall not comment in detail.

I cant deny the group of people just have an unique judge with people. Each and every of them hold this unique Aura. They do not need to be " fabulously great looking " But they just attract. Charismatic I shall say. FuLala is a great example.
I've seen the other side of Conrad.
The depth and substance in our talks.
Some friends are like leaves,
they fall off when the wind blows.
I am glad I have more branches than leaves on my tree.
My branches DO NOT fall off so easily.
** Right . . my dearest lovelies **
Thank god I am blessed with so many great and wonderful people in my life.

Its our birthday :)

Its our birthday :)
The Mega pixals just too big to upload. Sian . .
upload it again :)

PUBLIC ENEMIES

Out in Cinemas

starring Johnny Depp

Wohooo~~!! I've got my guest for the movie.

Allen Wu giving me thumbs up for supporting this movie.

Therefore I suppose we will be planning for a movie outing for Public Enemies soon.

Catch Johnny Depp in Cinemas.

-

PS I dont mind watching it again with my hubhub :) with his favourite Johnny Depp. . and the show itself of course. We've watched the black and white version together, lets watch it again soon alright :) The Johnny Depp version.

Its a great hangout

I had a great evening of joyful singing with the usual group.
I finally got hold of my new chanel concealer; yeah ~~
I picked mikey up from raffles city and we headed down to boat quay to meet up with the group.
It is a joyful session with our group with lots of fun and laughter as usual.
Late evening dinner was great,
which include, Fishhead, vege, stingray, toufu, Sotong, chicken and beef.
The dinner rounded up to apx $105 for about 8 of us, which is pretty affordable.
We were talking about the WOW ~~ factors of the world which includes Taj Mahat, Eiffel tower,
Egypt pyramid . . .
Something which our pilot Jo amazed us with during one of his flight.
WOW ~~ northern light when he was flying across Greenwich Canada.

Northern light is something I would really want to view.

On the left hand side of my blog, you guys will be able to view my little picture of the northern lights.

Someday, I would really want to bring the person I love so much to Canada and view this spectacular Northern light together.

Thanks everyone,

I had a well valued spent evening with you lovely people.

-

PS: I wrote my prayers behind the envelope, with his name all over for blesses. Sincerely wishing and praying for him each and everyday :) God bless Joze to recover real soon, and mikey to get well soon real fast. TIME for bed and early morning meeting 9.30am. Fighting! Fighting! Time to chiong some sales. I am left with less than a week.

Birthday wish

Birthday wish this year is simple :)

I dont need any promises from him.

Just a simple act as a special someone.

Silly,

wishful thinking,

for him trimming my hair and give me a water-melon with stick-on smiley face for me.

I've decided to keep long hair and only visit my stylist for hair treatments.

I cut my own hair from now on, not to save money but to find it real interesting.

Dont laugh at me,

I am just a weirdo.

Little mermaid

The little mermaid;

who turns into bubbles when dawn rises,

seeing the prince she love sailing down the ship with the new queen he has.

This shall be call sacrifies i suppose.

I am not that resourceful

I am not that resourceful lar. I just got buzz to checkout some updates of a bloggie, lolx.. just looked through, yah they were removed. Opps :x Indeed eh. not very pleasant to know and it does kind of dampen the image. Well . . . . I am not in the shoe to comment. It has been many years since then and I believe people do change?

-

Anyway I have got no comments of what you bitches speculates. Eh thanks, I am not longer in the picture so dont ask me for gossips. I am an individual self no-connection with anybody. Somehow, I just see, know, hear and forget. . . . And dont ask where I get the news or whatsoever from. In many cases, conversations were coincidence, within me, my friends, individual messages of infomation sent or within the group, they just talked about it. It just happen that I was destinated to get know somehow, see or hear. Too many coincidence in life which took me many times off my seat. Things just appear in front of your vision without even the need to search, and news just get to your ears without the need of asking. I think god just has a plan for me?

-

I realised something today, waiting can be happiness as well. Giving can be very joyful too. I will be turning 25, 12am this coming Friday. I decided to give rather than to receive this 25th Birthday of mine. Living a quarter of my life, I finally learn the art of giving. Giving without farming returns. I have made all those little gifts for all my dearest friends for our gathering this Friday at Richard's restaurant :)

-

I received the message that the group will be heading towards the less developed countries for volunteering work and they are calling for members. Its together with the medical group. They will be heading off soon. I am still contemplating to go on this meaningful trip with them. I should discuss this with Daddy Kong soon in order to confirm my trip. If Daddy kong gives the green light signal. Most probably I will only be back after Christmas this year. The most challenging part is to convince my parents, I think they are afraid that I will faint again. But should they know, its not some health reasons that causes that. Its my fragile heart, I just have to give as much love as I can to the lesser fortunate in order to gain some peace in return. There's just some feel good factor in doing service like these. Well I'll see how things goes and check out with Dr Julius.

-

I am still suffering from endless nights of insomnia with cramps in my heart. I really have got no idea when this pain will stop. Sigh. When night fall, its the torturing part as I am all alone. Perhaps, One day this pain will stop, but i just do not know when . . . . .

-

Praying for Ms Joze's recovery :), praying for the dearest to feel peace and happiness always.

-

This is a post about my DAD.

My Fath.jer. . . . He walked in and out of my room, looked at me :

First Question asked: You got money to spend or not?

Yeah, I replied.

True enough I dont even remember when was the last time I asked money from him. Probably a year ago? or more than that? He walked out.

After few mins, he walked in again: You still feeling giddy?

I replied: sometimes.

He nodded and walked out.

Few mins later, he walked in again,

saw me packing gifts.

He asked: You going for party ah? Why so many present?

I replied: no lar, this is for all my friends on my bday.

He walked out again.

After awhile,

He walks in again and asked: You want to go to Jeju island Korea?

I finally turned at looked at him,

rolled my eyes and asked why?

He said; Go to Uncle Richard's agency and get ur tickets.

He walked out.

For many things which happens in this month, seeing me suffering in silences, he do not know what happened. But somehow, dad knows I am very unhappy. My dad do not know how to express himself towards me. Especially when they found out I was hospitalised, he was very very angry. I was so afraid to see him, afraid that he scold me for not taking good care of myself. He visited me that very night I was hospitalised. As what I expect, he scolded me in front of everybody. At that point of time, I just shrink into my blanket. I dont dare to face my dad. He walked out of the ward. From then on, he never walks into my ward again. We didnt talk until today, he walks into my room to strike this convo with me. I am touch in a way, he even tell mum to buy some crabs on Saturday. He will be cooking my favourite crab for me. Chilli and black pepper crab. I melted. Because the last time I ate crab cooked by my dad was when I was 12 years old.

Watermelon

Hope you can have a good laugh at it.

with many many" Xi Gua Xian Sheng"

Harry poh-ter . . . Boooo.. . . . .

Its a let-down The half blood prince.

I was reading Joz's sms during the movie with Holly,

Silly girl ~~ Urecare is a skincare lotion NOT anything to do with the eyes,

dont be silly silly, ROY: pls keep a lookout for her, she is kind of clumsy, blur and super blur.

~

I was email-ing steph about out costume party.

Masked Soirée, I like that :)

British Masked Soiree.

The one Dennis sent, a piece of advise - something more original can, what little nonya.

Its gotta be a great party man out of Singapore *clap clap*,

Lets make it a bang ya . . my committee !!

IVAN holding the planning Chairman,

Myself as the Vice,

and the rest of the committee.

Lets make APM Gala night a BANG !!

~

Was reading through nicole's bloggie as Joz mentioned it to me.

Looking through tons of updated pictures which i do feel kind of erm. . . .

As i thought things were like otherwise, ah hem. . .

Anyway that doesn't really concern me, I am out of the picture.

~

Seriously, on his ends,

I am still very worried about the things he is going through

I was alarmed by so many negative comments heard from the producing group.

Simply, I thought he is doing fine all along.

God, please bless my dearest, send some angels to guide him along his tough times, give him peace and calm his soul.

I just feel utterly terrible,

there is really nothing I can do except saying more prayers.

He is not a bad guy and please do bless him.

~

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5pj4pRQXX_4

Sorrie cant embedding is disabled.

check out this link, when ever I am down with work and stress this is pretty motivating :)

and I believe integrity plays a very big part in life and staying true will be rewarding in times to come.

Holding integrity and being true rewarded me so much valued and lovely people in my life which contributes faith in return walking me out of my tough times.

The droplets

I hear his name again.

My heart really sunk because news of him is nothing good to conclude.

I feel really sad hearing bad-mouth of him,

I was shocked to get the news of the reshuffle of cast.

In my heart,

I wanted to stand up for him for some of the unjustification made,

I really want to !!

But who am I to speak up for him?

I am nobody, probably someone even lesser than his fans.

At least his fans get to see him,

but I will not have such privilages anymore.

Saying prayers and blesses each and everyday is the objective which keeps me going.

Thou the days I was hospitalised and in pain,

I never forget to say my prayers for him.

(My dearies who happens to see this post, *smiles*please dont feel sad for me, this is the path I choose, I appreciate for all the cares you guys gave. But certain times I just have to fight it alone, probably to attain something different in life called scarifies without farming return and the real underlying meaning of the greatest thing on earth which is selfless love. I will be fine right people. I will not make you guys worry anymore ok.)

If he is a beautiful set up scene,

I am probably just one of the nails nailed along the wooden plank.

The nail that happen to be there.

Nothing significant at all.

I couldn't say a thing,

I just have to swallow the tough time down my throat.

Did what I can to encourage him through simple words which I dont even know if it helps.

'He' made some eye contact to me gloating, but I just smile.

Simply I was too shock and I sent him a sms immediately,

its heartache on my end to see him facing challenges in his career again.

I really suffer quite abit due to his career but its ok lar,

I am not complaining at all for the past a year which I quietly sat through,

for a fact,

yes, I love him very much which includes all his faults and good.

Deep down in me, I've never blame or hated him at all.

Swallowing down what was commented,

my tears rolled when the lights turn dark.

I have to excuse myself and head towards the cubicle to let out my tears in silences to escape any questioning from the people around me.

Its no longer about me feeling hurt anymore,

its him in fact,

at a point of time where my heart quenches so much to feel in his shoes.

oh my god,

he is suffering again.

Imagine each night when I prayed for him at my window before bed with so much of love,

tears just flows on naturally, thinking that is the best I can do.

At this point of entry,

I really hope for nothing,

I have eliminated the hope of visualising the future of myself and him.

I mean, this is a fact.

I just have to accept it.

I sincerely hope that which ever girl who crosses his path take care of him and love him as much as I do,

make him happy, give him the purest of joy and peace in his isolated soul and heart.

To replace me of what I have done for him.

He might be jerk in the eyes of many who knows him,

but towards me I know,

he is just afraid,he is like a little boy who whines,

to my regrets, I no longer hold the place to hug him, tuck him to bed, watch him sleep like a little baby in my arms anymore.

Anyway, Its ok lar

I don't dare to see him also lor, I am afraid too.

I dont know what to say to him.

Afraid to know the truth.

Afraid that he loves me no more.

Afraid that he is going to hurt me again.

Alot of things I am afraid of.

Contradicting and a coward lar ok . .

I am afraid that I will freeze when I see him.

Or maybe my heart just stop pumping.

Too much love involve, which contribute shocking hurt.

Its that bad.

Somehow, knowing he wouldn't be at zouk for the time being makes me 'zouk' peacefully. Cause I will not bump onto him.

Nevertheless there is this promise he made, fulfilled.

He said: He will make himself 'the last man' in my life.

Something consoling because this promise will be fulfilled by me.

If he realised,I never made any promises to him before.

Here's one which will stay true whether one believes it or not?

My heart will only open its door to him no matter how time changes.

This promise is valid for my lifetime till my last breathe and god will make my witness.

P.S Readers: ?Dont buzz me with smses again, *shouting dumbass* ... I am I m being dumb, just let me be. . . Since I dont know how to fall in love anymore, no strength liao Just let me be lar hor. I promise not to faint again. This is abit random but please bear with my complains. Fucking hell lar. I cant anymore insurance, the underwriters freaking load me. I really regretted not getting more. So I m like left with just half a million covered. I will write a will soon lar, just in case. . . . Allocate my assets accordingly to people I love. ARGH MANUCARE, LPP ARGHHHHH>>.....>>>>> my idiotic tilt table heart test is like 400 bucks!!!!!! excluding my stay in SGH ok. The bill came up to about 2k plus close to 3k for like government hospital. Eh, Thank god I didnt put myself up in like the Mount A.B.C.D.E or Thomson medical suite.

Meet up

Meet up with the guys,

I missed the gathering last saturday.

Thanks for the Chicken Essence.

*Gan Dong ley* Thank you.

Everyone really did reaffirmed my value in them.

I was laughing till my jaws turned numb with the jokes Belinda told and her experiences for "tong gao" work with the media.

*smiles*

Its so funny with the LS experience, the *pui pui pui* jokes.

Lovely, frank and true people.

Oh ya, so sorry mikey with my granny who makes both of our eyes rolled.

The scene goes.

He passed me the chicken essence and granny was looking at him,

Granny speaks: Oh, when are you free to visit me at my place with Qiqi (myself).

Both mikey and I looked at each other, rolled our eyes.

Thats the problem with grannies.

Hahaaa mikey's granny does the same thing too.

I had a great session with you guys.

Once again Thank you!

I will try my very best to take good care of myself and not to make you guys worried.

Poker face

-

Had a night free of Alcohol intoxication.

When I reach, Sebast is there.

When the server wanted to pour me drinks,

he goes ' no no no ' give her only white tea.

I had " Ket Hua Tea" michelle hon got it for me, I cant drink.

So sweet and nice.

Whenever I pick up my glass, Richard will smell my glass to make sure its alcohol free.

I haven seen m.r brother Sng for awhile,

he went praying in Bangkok ah.

Fulala did his usual stuff, Seven you drink again ah... you know ah.

Later you faint ah, Fulala cannot carry you.

Thou you are 38kg, but you are so freaking heavy lar.

Chris didn't know what happened,

ask me to drink,

Haha. Calvin got it for me.

Thanks everyone,

I feel so pampered.

To him: Praying for his speedy recovery :) Be happy ok.

Wish

When will you play on the guitar for me again,

and cover a coat on me when I fall asleep in your arms?

heartfelt

When I look forward, thinking that you will suddenly appear.

Someday, I'll wait until the sky turn clear.

Just as it was on the day you left.

You will quietly return to my side,

the you in my heart.

Can you really never see me again?

I am really such an idiot,

you're the only one in my heart,

the you who have eyes for someone elses.

You probably don't know how I feel,

your day probably will not include me,

not even your memories.

Its only me,

the one watching you from far.

Who is silently crying.

watching the shape of your back as a kind of happiness to me.

Even though to the very end, you do not understand my heart.

When I want to see you,

at a time I really cant bear to.

The words I love you is always lingering on my lips,

where I am alone crying for you,

where I am alone missing for you.

Through the time missing and crying,

Its time to stand alone for the being.

To stay strong and healthy,

put on more weight before I get to see you again,

may it be months, or years. . .

I just do not want to be the same again,

for you to see me sobbing in heartache.

I will be there until the time comes. . .

Appreciation

Ribina with Gas,

yo hoo...

Thanks to Liting and Cheryl.

Love my sampat bitches for my Tomyum craves at night.

Special thanks to Pinky, Rena for the company :)

Bonvoyage to laolao, xian and sin for their trip to hk.

Lots of love to each and every one of u guys.

Day 3 of the observation

Results of the CT scan is out, and my brain waves were pretty normal. Therefore the psychiatrist comes into the picture, telling me things about emotional pain, mental stresses . . blahblah. .. Enough of those, i just said; prescribe me some tranquillizer and sleeping pills like how i used to pass 2 months ago, I think I will be fine.

-

Struggling through this emotional period is indeed challenging where many occasions I loses to myself. I broke into cold sweat and I loses the promise i gave him. Indeed I tried to take care of myself emotionally but self abused physically. My body finally gave way when I occupy myself with too much of crazy stuffs to reduce the time thinking about him. I tired myself out each and everyday to knockout everynight. I cant help in a way, i just have to make myself not to think about him.

-

The things that he promised just a few weeks ago stayed on so vividly in my mind in which I cant erase them off at all. Those promises he gave and I really wondered will he be fulfilling it? I woke up in tears and the nurses thought i was cold sweating and they called for the doctor. At a certain point, I really wondered will I be able to face him again. I am really afraid to face him. Afraid that he will do things and hurt me again. It has been again and again. Being utterly beaten up emotionally by this person. I would love to see him again, and at the same time so afraid to. I am so afraid to get emotionally whacked up by him again. I am so afraid.

-

I do not know what will happen in the coming month or so. I really want to get a truthful answer from him; who am I towards him?? He used to say that I am very important to him. I mean alot to him in his life. But how? I just feel silly, being treated as some dirt in his life, never properly treasured. I am like rubbish being tossed here and there. I am always pinned down by the soil he used to sprinkle on the shine i used to give. or am I just happens to be always the stupid and silly girl he should be laughing at. Damn it. I think everyone can see the dilemma here. Being, a part of me wants him to get what he wants, and the other part of me feeling unjustified for the unreasonable sufferings I have to go through. Mentally challenged which leads to a physical abuse. How pathetic you are Seven.

-

Tomorrow will be a better day. Good night.

Thanks Roy for the heart felt email you gave.

Day 2 of the observation

Imagine, they forgot to tighten the cap of the syringe and my blood just flows out like coke in a bottle as if my blood is free of charge.

I didnt know until my blood drips on the blanket of the CT scan machine.

I was wheeled out for my CT brain scans, and 2nd day with no showers. I can only do my showers with the help of the nurses. 3 of my roommates were discharged and I am the only one left in the ward.

Talking about the CT scans, they are like the big machine we used to see in those drama series with laser beams across your forehead. They injected some fluid into my body which gives a whole body burning sensation altogether. I cant stand or walk properly and i need to be assisted all around. Sound and tastes damn weak. I have to give Richard's numbers to my attending doctor for them to assess what actually happened that night. Did i fits? Did I roll my eyes? Did I bite my tongue? Blah blah. Dont worry my brothers, I will get well soon and be right back with everybody,but without alcohols and ciggies. I've gotten the messages from you guys. Sorry to make u all worry, special thanks to richard and fulala.

-

I really have to complain this. I just got screwed in my ass yesterday. My ass broke virgin with his gloved fingers gel with KY lubricants. He has to stuck his index finger in, to grab some stools off my ass. Oh well, I just have to oblige to whatever they say.

-

He should be heading towards BK for his hospital stay as well ba, praying that things go on fine on his ends :) I should be discharge by this Saturday, I think so bah . . . . so I can attend servicing this saturday. Say some prayers for everyone I love. If you happen to see my blog, didn't intend to make you worry at this crucial point of yours. I am fine and please dont make worries for me. I am well taken care of by the helpful nurses in my ward. I am not around your side you got to take care too. Hope to see your new appearance, scratch your back for u ah, and pink ur accupunture points and make you scream.. :) Just do what you have to do and dont disappoint me, dont call me or see me before what you are done with what you suppose to do. . .Jia you ba, wait for you to come home. Dont let me down, I've did so much and walked so far already. Be back perfect ok.

- My coke light delivery man is here hoho . . Thanks to everyone who send me their regards, other than dear holly who accompanied me for the whole of yesterday, i owe her big time. Ah Moikunta is the 1st to drop his call to check if I m ok. Thanks thanks I am gg to get well soon and make a dash for my productions once again. Be back in the arms of everyone who loves Seven and want to see her well and happy.

Day 1 of the observation

It was last evening when I blankout again. 2nd time in a month.. The previous incident was at lovely's place and the one last night was at Zouk when i literally knock out blank. I wasn't on alcohol and I am only having green tea. I fell onto Richard thank god he got me while Fulala carried my bagguage for me. It was a freaking hell experience for the 2nd time this year. Relieve in a way, they are so nice towards me. Imagine Fulala carrying my bag. Richard sent me back even though i insisted that i can be home safe alone.

I went home safely under his care, I really appreciate it brother.

Thank you Fulala, Thank you Richard.

For him: That was when I started missing him. Missing him badly and he wasn't by my side anymore. I dropped him an sms and tells him I will still be waiting. Glad enough, at least he replied. I didnt take him out of my mind for every single moment. Wishing his fruitful and safe for his trip out of Singapore.

-

The next day,

I decided to not leave it to chances anymore and I headed down to the Emergency & Accident at SGH where my records were. I couldn't get Terry, Holly can't handle me as I may just knock out anytime. Kenny is at work, just nice he called. He came down and drove Holly and I to the hospital, accompanied by the ginseng chinese soup his mum brewed specially for me.

Auntie Peggy is so sweet and nice, upon hearing my condition she went down to Whampoa immediately, bought the kampong chicken and american ginseng to make soup for me. I appreciate it and I am touch till a certain extend. Thank you Auntie Peggy .

I am not dead yet, those are only my feet. lolx. Thinking that I still can joke at the moment. Well my heart can't handle heart shocks anymore. Its time to take things easy in case I just suffer another attack again. So dont talk about love anymore. I may not survive anymore shocks to my heart. I find myself quite disgusting in a way, cant imagine i can love someone so much. Luckily I dont hate him, if not it will turn out to be some soup opera, LOVE HATE thingy. .. I have been receiving messages by friends and readers complaining what a stupid Ant I am. I cant help lar people. Next life ok. I turn smarter or, maybe a fruit fly.

-

I was being put up for observations with a high possibility to suffer from a heart attack. Can claim insurance under critical illness HEART ATTACK. My current worth is at half a million.
And yup its time to write a Will to my assets, money, designers bags, shoes, . . . ke keee abit sampat. Have yet to earn enough $$ and give birth to a child yet. How can I die when I haven even see his butterfly change.

A good thing about the visitors, they are limited. Which means no one is allow to visit unless they give me a call, give me their NRIC no. and I will pass the visitor's list to my staff nurse. Other than the people in my list. Barred. Dear friends who would like to pay me a visit and help me spend some time away, call me alright:)

Oh yes, If everything goes on fine.... observations are good and nice . . Fucking hell shit. I am increasing my sum insured to a million which is the highest it can go for critical illnesses in my company. But when my pay increases as time goes by, I'll still go higher with other companies. Simply, I feel I am worth more than millions. I love everyone who loves me, pray for my health with the purest of heart and I know you guys are. I promise you all okay and I know each and every of my dearies had been complaining non stop about my smoking and drinking habits.

I have to stop smoking. I really have to.

*Gimme the power man!!!*singing ~~
Thank you Holly.

-

Hope to see him soon :) with his butterfly change. For us in future, leave it to the hands of my god liao. Meanwhile I just need to calm myself down in all aspect in what will be upcoming, in order to not suffer another attack and 伤心到死. It is utterly ridiculous I shouldn't be living in this Era, I should go back to the Romeo and Juliet Era. Going to sleep le. God bless Seven.

Nobody :) Enjoy

I want Nobody nobody but you. . .

usual friday velvet

I was at Rivergate condo just opposite Zoukie for some own private planning and stuffs. Rounded off with BBQ, booze and more booze. Mr Aw just brought the super nice rice wine from Cheng-du in which I kind of have too much of it and eventually fell asleep in the handicap toilet. Ms Fletcher has to go look for me :o , I had a good night of laugh laugh and more laughters with Ben, Becky, Melissa and of course Ah Moun with the tui tui tui and the du du du game. It was random when I decided to stand up and head down to velvet when Dr Fannon lim called. They are so freaking funny and we were talking to Cheryl, Fulala is always so freaking funny. The group went for the Transformer movie together last week, as usual with their style they will " Bao Chang" Booked the whole Goldclass Cinema. Fannon got it this time. Fu was asking why didn't I go last week with them. I went -.- Fannon didn't even drop me a call. But its ok, I was invited to Calvin's new yacht. They are just so sweet when Richard insisted to send me home last night. I turned it down and tell him not to be silly as we are staying at 2 different ends. I reached home and my phone started ringing. Its withheld call at 4am. I stuttered for a while thinking who will call me at this timing. For a moment I thought it could be ly. Happily I picked up the call: hello, and the reply was, hey Seven . . U reach home already ah. Fulala. . . lolx, he's like asking me to join them the next day. Hope he dont do his match-making session and promote me again. Everyweek he sees me, he will ask me the same question. Seven why you no BF de, got BF must let me see. Lolx. ya when I have one I will bring him to them.

-

So sad that I can't wakeboard today, everyone just gave me last min heartattack. Argh and I am so wanting to go for my servicing with the guys today, but have to turn mike sweets down in order not to disappoint our dear Gavin. I know servicing today is centralised, " Yan Chang Hui " music concert again. I promised Mikey to be there the following week. Miss you guys ~~ ** Mikey please reserve the air tickets to Narita for me ya :P

-

Heading down to east coast. . . Argh . . I'll continue tonight with the pictures I took last night at Rivergate. 2 million to stay next to Zouk. Interested? Still open for sale, the USP. The POOL IS Fucking great!!! They have got hot and cold pool.

时间

Missionary trip to Granda

Photos by Dr Julius, taken by the canon power shot series

Happy 33rd bday Julius.

I love those pictures and hope my readers enjoy it too :)

An evening of thought

During times when I am alone, I start to ask myself alot of questions. The why, what and how. I start my inner search in serene for many events which took place in. My family, my life, my work and my love life. Pastor Koh did tell me this last year during one of our gatherings. We are born to walk nearer to death each and everyday. That is why we have to experience all the pain, love, hate, regrets . . . . till the day god decides to call us back into his arms again. For all the things I've done in the past many years, I reckon I haven been a good child nor a great person. I have tons of work undone for the 24 years of my life and I am soon to come 25 living 1/4 of my life wasted. I do not have much savings and I have yet to give mum and dad a stable living. I am just a poor and pathetic chap in thought without action. For more than 2 decades in life, it is time to make an absolute change in life weighing what is really important. Is is money? or some other things we valued more than money. I agree that money does constitute an important role in the life of everyone else. But what I really value is the time money can buy. i.e. bringing the whole family on a Caribbean cruise trip and value the happiness behind money, which is sharing precious time together as a family. Just a few days ago, someone close to me, Mr Goh WZ is encountering some huddles in life. 2 days ago, mama Goh is diagnosed with 4th stage cancer, as certify 6 months left by the doctor. The news was sudden and without signs and warning. WZ just got promoted last month, weighing on work and family, he prioritises work. Mama Goh is only in her early 50s. Our team said nothing, and just leave Zhongster with what he can give for the last 6 months. I am in the business to see ample death and illnesses, I am afraid that even though, I haven been cherishing the people I love as much as I can. At a certain point of time, I believe that I am always on the receiving ends when my parents are concern. I've left out the most beautiful things on earth. The simplest affection of love. When was the last time I massaged for my father? When was the last time I hugged my mum? I am really ashamed I have not love my dad enough. I massaged ly more than I does it for dad. Although dad always nag and scold me, I should be glad and thankful that I have a father to rely on and cherish him more than whatever it takes. To show affection of love to all who cherish me and not regret one day and look back and say sorry I have not done enough.

香蕉精

Banana Spirit or Banana Split.

whahahaa . . . .

Wed evenings

Arvin just dont look good in photos,

=S

Arvin and the maggie mee. . .

Test shot, test shot.

I photoshop it and re-post it. whaha...
Trying out the night shots at Ice Cold beer emerald hills.

The brown and the brown,

san miguel and the brown brown LV.

My camera is also brown brown de, hur hur hur....

The tin toy

The Sony T900.

Guess what colour I've got?

Spin spin spin and spin :)

Taken by my new bday gift the Sony T900 cyber-shot.

回忆的音乐盒在旋转这，

要怎么停了?

还是非常的想他。

虫虫和蚂蚁

The story of the 虫虫 and 蚂蚁

The caterpillar evolved into a beetle bug to catch the falling ant. That was when he realised he is a beetle bug but not a butterfly. They helped each other hand in hand till one day . . . . .

-

Beetle bug had a twist in mind. He do not want to be a beetle bug anymore. He ponder and ponder and finally he set his mind up, he wants to be a butterfly. He had an internal struggle when he meet another butterfly who is willing to give beetle bug a helping hand. The only exchange, he has to give up the joyful and happiness he had with his one and only skinny ant. For all the happiness he had with the skinny ant, the pure joy and greatness he used to spend with his skinny ant in exchange to be a beautiful butterfly.

-

One fine day, he told his skinny ant that he is leaving, leaving with another butterfly to make his change. He do not want to be a simple and happy beetle bug anymore although he spend amazing moments with skinny ant. He is willing to forsake those wonderful moments they spend, storing and building for winter. Beetle bug left.

-

It was near winter, skinny ant sat there alone on the tree top, watched the sunrise, watched the sunset. It was cold out there, skinny ant just sat there, alone, trying to keep a lookout for her one and only beetle bug wishing him to be happy. Skinny ant just sat there . . . . Skinny ant knows no matter what beetle bug will turn out to be, skinny ant will continue her love for beetle bug.

-

Other ants saw how dumb skinny ant was. They laugh at her being silly and dumb but skinny ant won't care because she just has a pure heart of believe beetle bug really loves skinny ant. Skinny ant cried.

-

-

Skinny ant couldn't focus on preparing for winter anymore. Skinny ant just worked to stay alive to wait for beetle bug and hope that beetle bug would come back to skinny ant again, she just continued waiting. . . . . and waiting . . . . waiting for what beetle bug told her, waiting for the promises beetle bug said. Skinny ant continued waiting.

-

One day, some other playful ants invited skinny ant to a party. In the party, skinny ant saw beetle bug in the party. Beetle bug saw skinny ant but beetle bug just choosed to be a stranger towards skinny ant. It broke the heart of the skinny ant and vow that she would not step into the party anymore. Skinny ant cant help but to cry in the usual treetop she used to sat down with beetle bug. Skinny ant ponder and think hard, thinking that one day when beetle bug transform into a butterfly, will beetle bug still remember the skinny little ant. Would he still remember the skinny little ant who he spend time during the down, unpleasant moments, and the days they used to get lost together in the deep jungle. Skinny ant is afraid because no one is assuring her that everything is going to be fine one day. Nobody trusts Beetle bug, but skinny ant does. Skinny ant really does.

-

She just needed somemore faith to walk through this tough time when .. . . . . . . .

To be continue . . . . .

讨厌

讨厌. . .

whats wrong with blogger?

They just cant seems to upload pictures and there is problem with the spellcheck.

WHATS WRONG WITH IT?

Anyone can help?

A new chapter

Its a fun and love filled Saturday with you guys.

Belinda Lee, KwanPing, Mike sweets, John, Layden and Hazel.

It was raining heavily that afternoon on my way to meet mike and the group up.

Thanks mike for the surprise roses,

you are forever so sweet and true,

this is something I cant deny and admire most about mike.

The first thing he said to me when he saw me,

Hey XiaoJie, I have got tons of stuff to tell you.

He gave a pat on my back and tell me light will shine on a new chapter of my life.

I looked at him kind of blur as he continued,

just forget about ly.

My eyes turned wide.

I was like oh my god, so Mel did tell you all the things that happened to the both of us. . . and yes he knows the whole bloody story about mel and me.

I like mel for a fact she is just so cute although we always has a certain point of awkardness when we talk on the phone,

sometimes just thinking how to end our conversation after a good 20 - 30 mintues of chatting.

I cant help it but to smile at it when that I remembered I did helped her many years back to sign in attendence with the 'lao za bor' lecturer when she was late for our drama and poetry classes.

I still remembered Mel and I was on the phone that day when the both of us were singing praises for Mike.

Mike and his thoughtfulness towards everybody.

Its not just for the 2 of us,

he is just so sweet towards everyone and you know he is genuine.

I pointed the arrow back to mike and check out what's his upcoming project.

He was telling me about the role he got for the French film and some commercial advertisements.

Sounds familiar somehow, I think baobao did mention something about the casting months back.

I had a nice singing session and meeting great positive people who did touch my life today.

Had a great and nice chat with the Arty farty John who is teaching in NAFA, Kwan Ping, Belinda . . they are just so great and genuine people.

I can't help but to think about ly,

is he happy?

For all the things he did,

he is always wearing a mask in front of each and everybody.

When will he remove it one day?

When will the true happiness of him emerge from the purest of his heart.

I do check out updates of his,

the smile he had in those pictures,

the look he had.

They are the smile of fatigue.

I cant stroke his head and put him in my arms anymore to embrace him with my genuine love, care and concern.

But I will still pray for him like what I do each and everyday as I always believe,

he can be happier, more genuine towards everybody and enjoy this special gift of

giving rather than receiving one day.

I didn't give up on him,

not to think that he will embrace me back in his arms again,

but to see him realising the true smile and laughter from within.

He decided to walk out of these to fulfil and make sure his plan works,

that in return invited many angels into my life.

God really did make plans for me.

I invited angels (Kl) who buy lunch up to my office not to see me staving.

Angels (MK) who pumps me with food to make sure I grow fat in a month's time hahaa this is so funny.

Angels (WT) who bought me cough drops and pops it into my letterbox,

angels (WL) who dropped gifts at my doorstep just to see my smile.

Angels (MK,JH,HL) who volunteered to renovate my room to give a new country style environment.

Angels who volunteered for the commitee for my Birthday Chalet.

Thanks with so much of love.

~ Gan Dong ley ~

I am starting to enjoy my life with my dearest friends and family

I had a great Sunday at home doing Housework with mum and sis.

We mopped the floor together and prepares dinner as a family.

I am turning into a new chapter of life in a happier way, loving everyone who had an impact in my life,

who gave their helping hands to see my purest smile.

This is the promise I made to Mike sweets, brother David and dear dear Cass.

In a month's time.

You will see a fatter qiqi.

I hope that One day dearest ly will be able to join me again hand in hand without his mask infront of the crowds and experience this special ability we have to love people who loves us.

May we share a destiny together once again,

I'll leave it to the hands of god.

Sleep well, ate well and more ensure milkshakes + meiji milk as prescribed by my diet master.

I AM PUTTING ON WEIGHT,

Fight with Joze whahaaa.

SALOHCIN

He is SALOHCIN.

Only close friends would know he is,

who is he to me.

A good 1 year lost of contact with him just because I wanted to be truthful and faithful to the one and only person I love.

He smses me this afternoon after catching a glimpse of me in our neighbourhood.

Asking me how am I with life,

how are things with my guy so far.

He is someone I would never lie to,

as there is no reasons to lie to him at all.

But I just replied him in general I am single and he seems quite surprise.

I choosed to end all ties with him ever since I met ly for my newly end relationship.

He asked if there are any possibility to be back in my life again,

but this time round,

more mature and serious but still as irritating as usual,

the way he always teases me.

After all we did have a past of 3 years.

I replied with a smiley and text that things are different this time round.

Whatever he say,

at least I know he will never lie to me.

Well its just a bad timing,

my heart just stop beating for the time being and I just cannot accept whatever kind of proposal in relationships anymore.

I remembered clearly about the sms he text before he left for his NS few years back where I was so touched thou it was a simple sms.

He never lies and he wasn't ready at that time where both of us has got commitments on our ends.

He is ready now,

better, more mature and both of us do not have any commitments now.

Grown up now,

earning a fix income and ready for something more serious.

Well well well,

I suppose many would just encourage me to go ahead with him after all he is someone so familiar and close towards me,

and time to make things right this time round.

Frankly speaking how I wish I could.

But this time round I am really not working with my logics anymore,

I am following where my heart leads me to.

My heart simply leads me to the one,

the one who makes me suffer the most,

encountering the worst experiences ever.

The one whom I will be willing to spend my lifetime waiting.

The Him and only him.

No others would ever replace.

And I just got to tell SALOHCIN the truth like I always did,

we just missed the boat and its not coming back anymore.

no title

Although it is so heart quenching but I know I just have to accept it for a fact he really left.

Totally in my life.

I became a total stranger to him somehow in a way or another.

Even though everything was anticipated and predicted in a way,

I just couldn't help but to feel that is he really leaving my life for good.

Although I told everyone,

I will move on.

But my heart just remain still and stationary,

it just doesn't allow me to move on.

I was out for the night with the usual crew on a Friday night and I was talking to brother R,

he just asked me,

why am I so good to him.

I just shook my head, give a smile and remain quiet.

He asked again, why am I not at all angry,

I should have scold him to make myself feel better.

Well,

I just replied I do not know how to get angry at him and if scolding helps,

there wont be so many divorced couple walking around.

The air got abit tense up and

he makes me laugh again by doing the ly signature dance move.

Sometimes I wish I could hate him,

fall in-love with someone else to make myself feel better.

But things somehow doesn't work that way.

It just hurts like eternalty whenever I bumped onto him,

I am afraid to see him yet I longed so much to catch a glimspe of him.

It is contradicting.

I predict that things will turn worst in weeks to come as he will be getting what he planned in the first place.

On the hind side of it,

I just happened to be the victim of his plan,

suffering everynight,

hoping to dream of us,

dreaming of him giving his usual smile,

lying on his bed with his wide open arms for me to whine and cuddle in it.

Well, his plan just has to go on,

all I can do is to wish him well,

take a peek at his updates,

taste my own tears,

feel the heartache and hope that it will be over soon.

加油吧。

希望你偶而会想想我，

有一天会记得，

你的宝宝一直都在那个你熟悉的角落

一个人

默默的等你。

Old school

I walked up the long flight of steps to pick Zhong up and we head to Timbre together.

I walked up panting and thinking of the things 'he' told me 2 weeks ago.

Be it . . . . . . .

Finally walked up to meet up with the group,

Shelia, Tony, Deric and Kenny.

Stupid Deric since when I became Tony's part time gf.

Its just a movie and it became the topic bloodyhell.

I was like i pitiful ma no one watching Transformers with me, and they are going to scream again if I watch a movie alone.

Tony is just my drinking buddy lar, and immediately the topic was being switched to Stacy and I just mentioned nothing incase i get murdered by Stacy.

But Deric is cute lar, whallop him up is the usual thing will say for all my past relationship when i told him i am single.

Immediately he pushes Tony to me,

as usual I gave my ('') look,

thanks ah Deric in case I got assasinated by Sumi.

Being with them is fun too bad Deric and Kenny left early and we're still stuck up with out bottle of Maccallan.

Headed out for Zouk,

and nice in the earlier part but not so nice when I go high as i just start my nonsense again.

I was drinking with Sebast and Cheryl the Thai boxer and I met this super cute guy Edwin.

Strike a convo with him and Sebast was like,

Yeah thats the way girl, nice taste he is damn good looking.

I found my 'He Jun Xiang' the version who is 5 years younger than me.

Its difficult to not catch an eye for such cute guy.

Super cute, and most importantly he blush, my god.

I just got attracted to the shyness he had.

NUS student.

When I talked to him, he stuttered and told me he is attached.

Nevermind I've got his number

He is just so freaking cute to tease about especially when he blush as I told him he is just so good looking.

See Edwin on Fri again, and hopefully the gang dont make a fool out of me...

and Yes . .

wait till friday I'll take a snap with him,

for my dear readers to determine my new found 'He Jun Xiang' look alike and have a taste of his blushing look when he gets tease.

-

Its Thursday again but this Thursday no Bleach to watch, my lappy cannot download PPS. I miss watching Bleach with him.