The droplets

I hear his name again.

My heart really sunk because news of him is nothing good to conclude.

I feel really sad hearing bad-mouth of him,

I was shocked to get the news of the reshuffle of cast.

In my heart,

I wanted to stand up for him for some of the unjustification made,

I really want to !!

But who am I to speak up for him?

I am nobody, probably someone even lesser than his fans.

At least his fans get to see him,

but I will not have such privilages anymore.

Saying prayers and blesses each and everyday is the objective which keeps me going.

Thou the days I was hospitalised and in pain,

I never forget to say my prayers for him.

(My dearies who happens to see this post, *smiles*please dont feel sad for me, this is the path I choose, I appreciate for all the cares you guys gave. But certain times I just have to fight it alone, probably to attain something different in life called scarifies without farming return and the real underlying meaning of the greatest thing on earth which is selfless love. I will be fine right people. I will not make you guys worry anymore ok.)

If he is a beautiful set up scene,

I am probably just one of the nails nailed along the wooden plank.

The nail that happen to be there.

Nothing significant at all.

I couldn't say a thing,

I just have to swallow the tough time down my throat.

Did what I can to encourage him through simple words which I dont even know if it helps.

'He' made some eye contact to me gloating, but I just smile.

Simply I was too shock and I sent him a sms immediately,

its heartache on my end to see him facing challenges in his career again.

I really suffer quite abit due to his career but its ok lar,

I am not complaining at all for the past a year which I quietly sat through,

for a fact,

yes, I love him very much which includes all his faults and good.

Deep down in me, I've never blame or hated him at all.

Swallowing down what was commented,

my tears rolled when the lights turn dark.

I have to excuse myself and head towards the cubicle to let out my tears in silences to escape any questioning from the people around me.

Its no longer about me feeling hurt anymore,

its him in fact,

at a point of time where my heart quenches so much to feel in his shoes.

oh my god,

he is suffering again.

Imagine each night when I prayed for him at my window before bed with so much of love,

tears just flows on naturally, thinking that is the best I can do.

At this point of entry,

I really hope for nothing,

I have eliminated the hope of visualising the future of myself and him.

I mean, this is a fact.

I just have to accept it.

I sincerely hope that which ever girl who crosses his path take care of him and love him as much as I do,

make him happy, give him the purest of joy and peace in his isolated soul and heart.

To replace me of what I have done for him.

He might be jerk in the eyes of many who knows him,

but towards me I know,

he is just afraid,he is like a little boy who whines,

to my regrets, I no longer hold the place to hug him, tuck him to bed, watch him sleep like a little baby in my arms anymore.

Anyway, Its ok lar

I don't dare to see him also lor, I am afraid too.

I dont know what to say to him.

Afraid to know the truth.

Afraid that he loves me no more.

Afraid that he is going to hurt me again.

Alot of things I am afraid of.

Contradicting and a coward lar ok . .

I am afraid that I will freeze when I see him.

Or maybe my heart just stop pumping.

Too much love involve, which contribute shocking hurt.

Its that bad.

Somehow, knowing he wouldn't be at zouk for the time being makes me 'zouk' peacefully. Cause I will not bump onto him.

Nevertheless there is this promise he made, fulfilled.

He said: He will make himself 'the last man' in my life.

Something consoling because this promise will be fulfilled by me.

If he realised,I never made any promises to him before.

Here's one which will stay true whether one believes it or not?

My heart will only open its door to him no matter how time changes.

This promise is valid for my lifetime till my last breathe and god will make my witness.

P.S Readers: ?Dont buzz me with smses again, *shouting dumbass* ... I am I m being dumb, just let me be. . . Since I dont know how to fall in love anymore, no strength liao Just let me be lar hor. I promise not to faint again. This is abit random but please bear with my complains. Fucking hell lar. I cant anymore insurance, the underwriters freaking load me. I really regretted not getting more. So I m like left with just half a million covered. I will write a will soon lar, just in case. . . . Allocate my assets accordingly to people I love. ARGH MANUCARE, LPP ARGHHHHH>>.....>>>>> my idiotic tilt table heart test is like 400 bucks!!!!!! excluding my stay in SGH ok. The bill came up to about 2k plus close to 3k for like government hospital. Eh, Thank god I didnt put myself up in like the Mount A.B.C.D.E or Thomson medical suite.