I am not that resourceful

I am not that resourceful lar. I just got buzz to checkout some updates of a bloggie, lolx.. just looked through, yah they were removed. Opps :x Indeed eh. not very pleasant to know and it does kind of dampen the image. Well . . . . I am not in the shoe to comment. It has been many years since then and I believe people do change?

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Anyway I have got no comments of what you bitches speculates. Eh thanks, I am not longer in the picture so dont ask me for gossips. I am an individual self no-connection with anybody. Somehow, I just see, know, hear and forget. . . . And dont ask where I get the news or whatsoever from. In many cases, conversations were coincidence, within me, my friends, individual messages of infomation sent or within the group, they just talked about it. It just happen that I was destinated to get know somehow, see or hear. Too many coincidence in life which took me many times off my seat. Things just appear in front of your vision without even the need to search, and news just get to your ears without the need of asking. I think god just has a plan for me?

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I realised something today, waiting can be happiness as well. Giving can be very joyful too. I will be turning 25, 12am this coming Friday. I decided to give rather than to receive this 25th Birthday of mine. Living a quarter of my life, I finally learn the art of giving. Giving without farming returns. I have made all those little gifts for all my dearest friends for our gathering this Friday at Richard's restaurant :)

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I received the message that the group will be heading towards the less developed countries for volunteering work and they are calling for members. Its together with the medical group. They will be heading off soon. I am still contemplating to go on this meaningful trip with them. I should discuss this with Daddy Kong soon in order to confirm my trip. If Daddy kong gives the green light signal. Most probably I will only be back after Christmas this year. The most challenging part is to convince my parents, I think they are afraid that I will faint again. But should they know, its not some health reasons that causes that. Its my fragile heart, I just have to give as much love as I can to the lesser fortunate in order to gain some peace in return. There's just some feel good factor in doing service like these. Well I'll see how things goes and check out with Dr Julius.

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I am still suffering from endless nights of insomnia with cramps in my heart. I really have got no idea when this pain will stop. Sigh. When night fall, its the torturing part as I am all alone. Perhaps, One day this pain will stop, but i just do not know when . . . . .

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Praying for Ms Joze's recovery :), praying for the dearest to feel peace and happiness always.

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This is a post about my DAD.

My Fath.jer. . . . He walked in and out of my room, looked at me :

First Question asked: You got money to spend or not?

Yeah, I replied.

True enough I dont even remember when was the last time I asked money from him. Probably a year ago? or more than that? He walked out.

After few mins, he walked in again: You still feeling giddy?

I replied: sometimes.

He nodded and walked out.

Few mins later, he walked in again,

saw me packing gifts.

He asked: You going for party ah? Why so many present?

I replied: no lar, this is for all my friends on my bday.

He walked out again.

After awhile,

He walks in again and asked: You want to go to Jeju island Korea?

I finally turned at looked at him,

rolled my eyes and asked why?

He said; Go to Uncle Richard's agency and get ur tickets.

He walked out.

For many things which happens in this month, seeing me suffering in silences, he do not know what happened. But somehow, dad knows I am very unhappy. My dad do not know how to express himself towards me. Especially when they found out I was hospitalised, he was very very angry. I was so afraid to see him, afraid that he scold me for not taking good care of myself. He visited me that very night I was hospitalised. As what I expect, he scolded me in front of everybody. At that point of time, I just shrink into my blanket. I dont dare to face my dad. He walked out of the ward. From then on, he never walks into my ward again. We didnt talk until today, he walks into my room to strike this convo with me. I am touch in a way, he even tell mum to buy some crabs on Saturday. He will be cooking my favourite crab for me. Chilli and black pepper crab. I melted. Because the last time I ate crab cooked by my dad was when I was 12 years old.