Day 2 of the observation

Imagine, they forgot to tighten the cap of the syringe and my blood just flows out like coke in a bottle as if my blood is free of charge.

I didnt know until my blood drips on the blanket of the CT scan machine.

I was wheeled out for my CT brain scans, and 2nd day with no showers. I can only do my showers with the help of the nurses. 3 of my roommates were discharged and I am the only one left in the ward.

Talking about the CT scans, they are like the big machine we used to see in those drama series with laser beams across your forehead. They injected some fluid into my body which gives a whole body burning sensation altogether. I cant stand or walk properly and i need to be assisted all around. Sound and tastes damn weak. I have to give Richard's numbers to my attending doctor for them to assess what actually happened that night. Did i fits? Did I roll my eyes? Did I bite my tongue? Blah blah. Dont worry my brothers, I will get well soon and be right back with everybody,but without alcohols and ciggies. I've gotten the messages from you guys. Sorry to make u all worry, special thanks to richard and fulala.

-

I really have to complain this. I just got screwed in my ass yesterday. My ass broke virgin with his gloved fingers gel with KY lubricants. He has to stuck his index finger in, to grab some stools off my ass. Oh well, I just have to oblige to whatever they say.

-

He should be heading towards BK for his hospital stay as well ba, praying that things go on fine on his ends :) I should be discharge by this Saturday, I think so bah . . . . so I can attend servicing this saturday. Say some prayers for everyone I love. If you happen to see my blog, didn't intend to make you worry at this crucial point of yours. I am fine and please dont make worries for me. I am well taken care of by the helpful nurses in my ward. I am not around your side you got to take care too. Hope to see your new appearance, scratch your back for u ah, and pink ur accupunture points and make you scream.. :) Just do what you have to do and dont disappoint me, dont call me or see me before what you are done with what you suppose to do. . .Jia you ba, wait for you to come home. Dont let me down, I've did so much and walked so far already. Be back perfect ok.

- My coke light delivery man is here hoho . . Thanks to everyone who send me their regards, other than dear holly who accompanied me for the whole of yesterday, i owe her big time. Ah Moikunta is the 1st to drop his call to check if I m ok. Thanks thanks I am gg to get well soon and make a dash for my productions once again. Be back in the arms of everyone who loves Seven and want to see her well and happy.

Day 1 of the observation

It was last evening when I blankout again. 2nd time in a month.. The previous incident was at lovely's place and the one last night was at Zouk when i literally knock out blank. I wasn't on alcohol and I am only having green tea. I fell onto Richard thank god he got me while Fulala carried my bagguage for me. It was a freaking hell experience for the 2nd time this year. Relieve in a way, they are so nice towards me. Imagine Fulala carrying my bag. Richard sent me back even though i insisted that i can be home safe alone.

I went home safely under his care, I really appreciate it brother.

Thank you Fulala, Thank you Richard.

For him: That was when I started missing him. Missing him badly and he wasn't by my side anymore. I dropped him an sms and tells him I will still be waiting. Glad enough, at least he replied. I didnt take him out of my mind for every single moment. Wishing his fruitful and safe for his trip out of Singapore.

-

The next day,

I decided to not leave it to chances anymore and I headed down to the Emergency & Accident at SGH where my records were. I couldn't get Terry, Holly can't handle me as I may just knock out anytime. Kenny is at work, just nice he called. He came down and drove Holly and I to the hospital, accompanied by the ginseng chinese soup his mum brewed specially for me.

Auntie Peggy is so sweet and nice, upon hearing my condition she went down to Whampoa immediately, bought the kampong chicken and american ginseng to make soup for me. I appreciate it and I am touch till a certain extend. Thank you Auntie Peggy .

I am not dead yet, those are only my feet. lolx. Thinking that I still can joke at the moment. Well my heart can't handle heart shocks anymore. Its time to take things easy in case I just suffer another attack again. So dont talk about love anymore. I may not survive anymore shocks to my heart. I find myself quite disgusting in a way, cant imagine i can love someone so much. Luckily I dont hate him, if not it will turn out to be some soup opera, LOVE HATE thingy. .. I have been receiving messages by friends and readers complaining what a stupid Ant I am. I cant help lar people. Next life ok. I turn smarter or, maybe a fruit fly.

-

I was being put up for observations with a high possibility to suffer from a heart attack. Can claim insurance under critical illness HEART ATTACK. My current worth is at half a million.
And yup its time to write a Will to my assets, money, designers bags, shoes, . . . ke keee abit sampat. Have yet to earn enough $$ and give birth to a child yet. How can I die when I haven even see his butterfly change.

A good thing about the visitors, they are limited. Which means no one is allow to visit unless they give me a call, give me their NRIC no. and I will pass the visitor's list to my staff nurse. Other than the people in my list. Barred. Dear friends who would like to pay me a visit and help me spend some time away, call me alright:)

Oh yes, If everything goes on fine.... observations are good and nice . . Fucking hell shit. I am increasing my sum insured to a million which is the highest it can go for critical illnesses in my company. But when my pay increases as time goes by, I'll still go higher with other companies. Simply, I feel I am worth more than millions. I love everyone who loves me, pray for my health with the purest of heart and I know you guys are. I promise you all okay and I know each and every of my dearies had been complaining non stop about my smoking and drinking habits.

I have to stop smoking. I really have to.

*Gimme the power man!!!*singing ~~
Thank you Holly.

-

Hope to see him soon :) with his butterfly change. For us in future, leave it to the hands of my god liao. Meanwhile I just need to calm myself down in all aspect in what will be upcoming, in order to not suffer another attack and 伤心到死. It is utterly ridiculous I shouldn't be living in this Era, I should go back to the Romeo and Juliet Era. Going to sleep le. God bless Seven.

Nobody :) Enjoy

I want Nobody nobody but you. . .

usual friday velvet

I was at Rivergate condo just opposite Zoukie for some own private planning and stuffs. Rounded off with BBQ, booze and more booze. Mr Aw just brought the super nice rice wine from Cheng-du in which I kind of have too much of it and eventually fell asleep in the handicap toilet. Ms Fletcher has to go look for me :o , I had a good night of laugh laugh and more laughters with Ben, Becky, Melissa and of course Ah Moun with the tui tui tui and the du du du game. It was random when I decided to stand up and head down to velvet when Dr Fannon lim called. They are so freaking funny and we were talking to Cheryl, Fulala is always so freaking funny. The group went for the Transformer movie together last week, as usual with their style they will " Bao Chang" Booked the whole Goldclass Cinema. Fannon got it this time. Fu was asking why didn't I go last week with them. I went -.- Fannon didn't even drop me a call. But its ok, I was invited to Calvin's new yacht. They are just so sweet when Richard insisted to send me home last night. I turned it down and tell him not to be silly as we are staying at 2 different ends. I reached home and my phone started ringing. Its withheld call at 4am. I stuttered for a while thinking who will call me at this timing. For a moment I thought it could be ly. Happily I picked up the call: hello, and the reply was, hey Seven . . U reach home already ah. Fulala. . . lolx, he's like asking me to join them the next day. Hope he dont do his match-making session and promote me again. Everyweek he sees me, he will ask me the same question. Seven why you no BF de, got BF must let me see. Lolx. ya when I have one I will bring him to them.

-

So sad that I can't wakeboard today, everyone just gave me last min heartattack. Argh and I am so wanting to go for my servicing with the guys today, but have to turn mike sweets down in order not to disappoint our dear Gavin. I know servicing today is centralised, " Yan Chang Hui " music concert again. I promised Mikey to be there the following week. Miss you guys ~~ ** Mikey please reserve the air tickets to Narita for me ya :P

-

Heading down to east coast. . . Argh . . I'll continue tonight with the pictures I took last night at Rivergate. 2 million to stay next to Zouk. Interested? Still open for sale, the USP. The POOL IS Fucking great!!! They have got hot and cold pool.

时间

Missionary trip to Granda

Photos by Dr Julius, taken by the canon power shot series

Happy 33rd bday Julius.

I love those pictures and hope my readers enjoy it too :)

An evening of thought

During times when I am alone, I start to ask myself alot of questions. The why, what and how. I start my inner search in serene for many events which took place in. My family, my life, my work and my love life. Pastor Koh did tell me this last year during one of our gatherings. We are born to walk nearer to death each and everyday. That is why we have to experience all the pain, love, hate, regrets . . . . till the day god decides to call us back into his arms again. For all the things I've done in the past many years, I reckon I haven been a good child nor a great person. I have tons of work undone for the 24 years of my life and I am soon to come 25 living 1/4 of my life wasted. I do not have much savings and I have yet to give mum and dad a stable living. I am just a poor and pathetic chap in thought without action. For more than 2 decades in life, it is time to make an absolute change in life weighing what is really important. Is is money? or some other things we valued more than money. I agree that money does constitute an important role in the life of everyone else. But what I really value is the time money can buy. i.e. bringing the whole family on a Caribbean cruise trip and value the happiness behind money, which is sharing precious time together as a family. Just a few days ago, someone close to me, Mr Goh WZ is encountering some huddles in life. 2 days ago, mama Goh is diagnosed with 4th stage cancer, as certify 6 months left by the doctor. The news was sudden and without signs and warning. WZ just got promoted last month, weighing on work and family, he prioritises work. Mama Goh is only in her early 50s. Our team said nothing, and just leave Zhongster with what he can give for the last 6 months. I am in the business to see ample death and illnesses, I am afraid that even though, I haven been cherishing the people I love as much as I can. At a certain point of time, I believe that I am always on the receiving ends when my parents are concern. I've left out the most beautiful things on earth. The simplest affection of love. When was the last time I massaged for my father? When was the last time I hugged my mum? I am really ashamed I have not love my dad enough. I massaged ly more than I does it for dad. Although dad always nag and scold me, I should be glad and thankful that I have a father to rely on and cherish him more than whatever it takes. To show affection of love to all who cherish me and not regret one day and look back and say sorry I have not done enough.

香蕉精

Banana Spirit or Banana Split.

whahahaa . . . .

Wed evenings

Arvin just dont look good in photos,

=S

Arvin and the maggie mee. . .

Test shot, test shot.

I photoshop it and re-post it. whaha...
Trying out the night shots at Ice Cold beer emerald hills.

The brown and the brown,

san miguel and the brown brown LV.

My camera is also brown brown de, hur hur hur....

The tin toy

The Sony T900.

Guess what colour I've got?

Spin spin spin and spin :)

Taken by my new bday gift the Sony T900 cyber-shot.

回忆的音乐盒在旋转这，

要怎么停了?

还是非常的想他。

虫虫和蚂蚁

The story of the 虫虫 and 蚂蚁

The caterpillar evolved into a beetle bug to catch the falling ant. That was when he realised he is a beetle bug but not a butterfly. They helped each other hand in hand till one day . . . . .

-

Beetle bug had a twist in mind. He do not want to be a beetle bug anymore. He ponder and ponder and finally he set his mind up, he wants to be a butterfly. He had an internal struggle when he meet another butterfly who is willing to give beetle bug a helping hand. The only exchange, he has to give up the joyful and happiness he had with his one and only skinny ant. For all the happiness he had with the skinny ant, the pure joy and greatness he used to spend with his skinny ant in exchange to be a beautiful butterfly.

-

One fine day, he told his skinny ant that he is leaving, leaving with another butterfly to make his change. He do not want to be a simple and happy beetle bug anymore although he spend amazing moments with skinny ant. He is willing to forsake those wonderful moments they spend, storing and building for winter. Beetle bug left.

-

It was near winter, skinny ant sat there alone on the tree top, watched the sunrise, watched the sunset. It was cold out there, skinny ant just sat there, alone, trying to keep a lookout for her one and only beetle bug wishing him to be happy. Skinny ant just sat there . . . . Skinny ant knows no matter what beetle bug will turn out to be, skinny ant will continue her love for beetle bug.

-

Other ants saw how dumb skinny ant was. They laugh at her being silly and dumb but skinny ant won't care because she just has a pure heart of believe beetle bug really loves skinny ant. Skinny ant cried.

-

-

Skinny ant couldn't focus on preparing for winter anymore. Skinny ant just worked to stay alive to wait for beetle bug and hope that beetle bug would come back to skinny ant again, she just continued waiting. . . . . and waiting . . . . waiting for what beetle bug told her, waiting for the promises beetle bug said. Skinny ant continued waiting.

-

One day, some other playful ants invited skinny ant to a party. In the party, skinny ant saw beetle bug in the party. Beetle bug saw skinny ant but beetle bug just choosed to be a stranger towards skinny ant. It broke the heart of the skinny ant and vow that she would not step into the party anymore. Skinny ant cant help but to cry in the usual treetop she used to sat down with beetle bug. Skinny ant ponder and think hard, thinking that one day when beetle bug transform into a butterfly, will beetle bug still remember the skinny little ant. Would he still remember the skinny little ant who he spend time during the down, unpleasant moments, and the days they used to get lost together in the deep jungle. Skinny ant is afraid because no one is assuring her that everything is going to be fine one day. Nobody trusts Beetle bug, but skinny ant does. Skinny ant really does.

-

She just needed somemore faith to walk through this tough time when .. . . . . . . .

To be continue . . . . .

讨厌

讨厌. . .

whats wrong with blogger?

They just cant seems to upload pictures and there is problem with the spellcheck.

WHATS WRONG WITH IT?

Anyone can help?

A new chapter

Its a fun and love filled Saturday with you guys.

Belinda Lee, KwanPing, Mike sweets, John, Layden and Hazel.

It was raining heavily that afternoon on my way to meet mike and the group up.

Thanks mike for the surprise roses,

you are forever so sweet and true,

this is something I cant deny and admire most about mike.

The first thing he said to me when he saw me,

Hey XiaoJie, I have got tons of stuff to tell you.

He gave a pat on my back and tell me light will shine on a new chapter of my life.

I looked at him kind of blur as he continued,

just forget about ly.

My eyes turned wide.

I was like oh my god, so Mel did tell you all the things that happened to the both of us. . . and yes he knows the whole bloody story about mel and me.

I like mel for a fact she is just so cute although we always has a certain point of awkardness when we talk on the phone,

sometimes just thinking how to end our conversation after a good 20 - 30 mintues of chatting.

I cant help it but to smile at it when that I remembered I did helped her many years back to sign in attendence with the 'lao za bor' lecturer when she was late for our drama and poetry classes.

I still remembered Mel and I was on the phone that day when the both of us were singing praises for Mike.

Mike and his thoughtfulness towards everybody.

Its not just for the 2 of us,

he is just so sweet towards everyone and you know he is genuine.

I pointed the arrow back to mike and check out what's his upcoming project.

He was telling me about the role he got for the French film and some commercial advertisements.

Sounds familiar somehow, I think baobao did mention something about the casting months back.

I had a nice singing session and meeting great positive people who did touch my life today.

Had a great and nice chat with the Arty farty John who is teaching in NAFA, Kwan Ping, Belinda . . they are just so great and genuine people.

I can't help but to think about ly,

is he happy?

For all the things he did,

he is always wearing a mask in front of each and everybody.

When will he remove it one day?

When will the true happiness of him emerge from the purest of his heart.

I do check out updates of his,

the smile he had in those pictures,

the look he had.

They are the smile of fatigue.

I cant stroke his head and put him in my arms anymore to embrace him with my genuine love, care and concern.

But I will still pray for him like what I do each and everyday as I always believe,

he can be happier, more genuine towards everybody and enjoy this special gift of

giving rather than receiving one day.

I didn't give up on him,

not to think that he will embrace me back in his arms again,

but to see him realising the true smile and laughter from within.

He decided to walk out of these to fulfil and make sure his plan works,

that in return invited many angels into my life.

God really did make plans for me.

I invited angels (Kl) who buy lunch up to my office not to see me staving.

Angels (MK) who pumps me with food to make sure I grow fat in a month's time hahaa this is so funny.

Angels (WT) who bought me cough drops and pops it into my letterbox,

angels (WL) who dropped gifts at my doorstep just to see my smile.

Angels (MK,JH,HL) who volunteered to renovate my room to give a new country style environment.

Angels who volunteered for the commitee for my Birthday Chalet.

Thanks with so much of love.

~ Gan Dong ley ~

I am starting to enjoy my life with my dearest friends and family

I had a great Sunday at home doing Housework with mum and sis.

We mopped the floor together and prepares dinner as a family.

I am turning into a new chapter of life in a happier way, loving everyone who had an impact in my life,

who gave their helping hands to see my purest smile.

This is the promise I made to Mike sweets, brother David and dear dear Cass.

In a month's time.

You will see a fatter qiqi.

I hope that One day dearest ly will be able to join me again hand in hand without his mask infront of the crowds and experience this special ability we have to love people who loves us.

May we share a destiny together once again,

I'll leave it to the hands of god.

Sleep well, ate well and more ensure milkshakes + meiji milk as prescribed by my diet master.

I AM PUTTING ON WEIGHT,

Fight with Joze whahaaa.

SALOHCIN

He is SALOHCIN.

Only close friends would know he is,

who is he to me.

A good 1 year lost of contact with him just because I wanted to be truthful and faithful to the one and only person I love.

He smses me this afternoon after catching a glimpse of me in our neighbourhood.

Asking me how am I with life,

how are things with my guy so far.

He is someone I would never lie to,

as there is no reasons to lie to him at all.

But I just replied him in general I am single and he seems quite surprise.

I choosed to end all ties with him ever since I met ly for my newly end relationship.

He asked if there are any possibility to be back in my life again,

but this time round,

more mature and serious but still as irritating as usual,

the way he always teases me.

After all we did have a past of 3 years.

I replied with a smiley and text that things are different this time round.

Whatever he say,

at least I know he will never lie to me.

Well its just a bad timing,

my heart just stop beating for the time being and I just cannot accept whatever kind of proposal in relationships anymore.

I remembered clearly about the sms he text before he left for his NS few years back where I was so touched thou it was a simple sms.

He never lies and he wasn't ready at that time where both of us has got commitments on our ends.

He is ready now,

better, more mature and both of us do not have any commitments now.

Grown up now,

earning a fix income and ready for something more serious.

Well well well,

I suppose many would just encourage me to go ahead with him after all he is someone so familiar and close towards me,

and time to make things right this time round.

Frankly speaking how I wish I could.

But this time round I am really not working with my logics anymore,

I am following where my heart leads me to.

My heart simply leads me to the one,

the one who makes me suffer the most,

encountering the worst experiences ever.

The one whom I will be willing to spend my lifetime waiting.

The Him and only him.

No others would ever replace.

And I just got to tell SALOHCIN the truth like I always did,

we just missed the boat and its not coming back anymore.

no title

Although it is so heart quenching but I know I just have to accept it for a fact he really left.

Totally in my life.

I became a total stranger to him somehow in a way or another.

Even though everything was anticipated and predicted in a way,

I just couldn't help but to feel that is he really leaving my life for good.

Although I told everyone,

I will move on.

But my heart just remain still and stationary,

it just doesn't allow me to move on.

I was out for the night with the usual crew on a Friday night and I was talking to brother R,

he just asked me,

why am I so good to him.

I just shook my head, give a smile and remain quiet.

He asked again, why am I not at all angry,

I should have scold him to make myself feel better.

Well,

I just replied I do not know how to get angry at him and if scolding helps,

there wont be so many divorced couple walking around.

The air got abit tense up and

he makes me laugh again by doing the ly signature dance move.

Sometimes I wish I could hate him,

fall in-love with someone else to make myself feel better.

But things somehow doesn't work that way.

It just hurts like eternalty whenever I bumped onto him,

I am afraid to see him yet I longed so much to catch a glimspe of him.

It is contradicting.

I predict that things will turn worst in weeks to come as he will be getting what he planned in the first place.

On the hind side of it,

I just happened to be the victim of his plan,

suffering everynight,

hoping to dream of us,

dreaming of him giving his usual smile,

lying on his bed with his wide open arms for me to whine and cuddle in it.

Well, his plan just has to go on,

all I can do is to wish him well,

take a peek at his updates,

taste my own tears,

feel the heartache and hope that it will be over soon.

加油吧。

希望你偶而会想想我，

有一天会记得，

你的宝宝一直都在那个你熟悉的角落

一个人

默默的等你。

Old school

I walked up the long flight of steps to pick Zhong up and we head to Timbre together.

I walked up panting and thinking of the things 'he' told me 2 weeks ago.

Be it . . . . . . .

Finally walked up to meet up with the group,

Shelia, Tony, Deric and Kenny.

Stupid Deric since when I became Tony's part time gf.

Its just a movie and it became the topic bloodyhell.

I was like i pitiful ma no one watching Transformers with me, and they are going to scream again if I watch a movie alone.

Tony is just my drinking buddy lar, and immediately the topic was being switched to Stacy and I just mentioned nothing incase i get murdered by Stacy.

But Deric is cute lar, whallop him up is the usual thing will say for all my past relationship when i told him i am single.

Immediately he pushes Tony to me,

as usual I gave my ('') look,

thanks ah Deric in case I got assasinated by Sumi.

Being with them is fun too bad Deric and Kenny left early and we're still stuck up with out bottle of Maccallan.

Headed out for Zouk,

and nice in the earlier part but not so nice when I go high as i just start my nonsense again.

I was drinking with Sebast and Cheryl the Thai boxer and I met this super cute guy Edwin.

Strike a convo with him and Sebast was like,

Yeah thats the way girl, nice taste he is damn good looking.

I found my 'He Jun Xiang' the version who is 5 years younger than me.

Its difficult to not catch an eye for such cute guy.

Super cute, and most importantly he blush, my god.

I just got attracted to the shyness he had.

NUS student.

When I talked to him, he stuttered and told me he is attached.

Nevermind I've got his number

He is just so freaking cute to tease about especially when he blush as I told him he is just so good looking.

See Edwin on Fri again, and hopefully the gang dont make a fool out of me...

and Yes . .

wait till friday I'll take a snap with him,

for my dear readers to determine my new found 'He Jun Xiang' look alike and have a taste of his blushing look when he gets tease.

-

Its Thursday again but this Thursday no Bleach to watch, my lappy cannot download PPS. I miss watching Bleach with him.

苯女人

苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人苯女人

苯女人就是那么爱你 。。。。。真的受不了我自己，笨女人!

My new toy

My new favourite toy,

my new long hair,

the Rapunzel like.

Long hair, short hair.

I am loving it so much.

Just a pity I couldn't get those girly new hairstyle pictures up on blogger.

You guys will see it when you see me.

lolx :p

~

ARgh,

someone just told me today about the 7x7x7 thingy which i freaked out a little when he told me what it means.

No thanks, sometimes I just cant stand some friends trying to flirt.

It just get a little off track and please do not fall for me.

Don't ever try to be funny with me as that will piss me off.

I am dead in a way,

the hallway to my heart is shut and recuperating till the day he decides to open up once again with the key he holds.

Yes,

just curse and swear I am just so fucking dumb.

No comments people,

Agreed.

Things will get worst when news get to my ears and scenes arising but I just have to swallow it alone this time round without being a pain in his ass. * something he stressed * sad to hear but true.

He won't be around my side anymore as I believe he just got his part and priority to deal with.

My heart did shrink when he broke the news to me this afternoon,

well its time to stay alone during the nights.

~

Surprise to hear what Roy told Hol,

OMG,

how come he knows that.

SHIT they really know me well.

They are just a bunch of great friends who really . . . knows every single shit about me.

Oh by the way,

my birthday is coming neh.

Do something about it my dearest smack ass friends.

Its gotta be bad bad plus lousy if I am emo-ing away.

~

Japan Japan again after my Birthday,

no more Osaka,

I am heading for F1 race in Tokyo on an expenses free trip with a generous friend of mine.

I hope that it won't collide with he's.

I will still like to drop a simple gift for him during his birthday.

After all he is the someone,

argh.. I love so freaking much.

Jolene

(Sorrie for some reasons, blogger just cant publish my pictures up)

I've known Jo for many years and she is my direct Boss when I was holding my first job.
She was the company for my trip to Langkawi.
She is a cool and daring lady I should say,
sincere and straightforward.
We suppose to go on island hopping on the second day of our trip,
but the rain just induces the both of us to be tucked in bed till noon before we decide to go for some horseback trekking along the mountain trails and coast line.

Horseback ridding along the trails were fun but damn tiring and resulted in stiff backs.

Anyway it was being remedy by the 2 and a half hours massage at our resort.

Riding onto propeller jet driven by co-pilot Mama Jo.

Its a scary experience as, the jet take off with enormous trembles,

hell god, i thought we might just crash,

It bumped 2 times before the jet officially took off.

I was bitching and yelling through the mouth piece where I was wearing.

It is impossible to communicate without our headset and mouth piece as the little private jet is just so freaking noisy with roaring engines and the noises created by the propeller.

The jet allows us to fly for 400km and I was practically looking 90 degrees down at the Langkawi coast line when it tilted.

It was pretty scary as there is only 1 safely belt and it just gives the feeling that you may just fall off the half open windows anytime.

Another disgusting feature is that you just keep on sniffing the fuel burn out there is no airconditional or whatsoever filter in the jet.

After all its an experience I've never tried.

Its a long day and we finally setter ed along our private beach watching the sunsets with our beef steaks dinner.

-

The night fall,

its time for massage and night market shopping along the streets.

Tourist stuffs as usual,

wooden Balinese stuffs like bangles, earings, blah blah blah,

handmade photo albums which reminds me of my dearest gift for me when he was at Bali last year.

Nothing makes gift material for my hubhub as I just feel he have seen plentiful of those in Bangkok and getting anything for him seems meaningless.

-

At the balcony of our resort.

indulging in food again,

oh by the way,

Mama Jo is a big eater just like I do,

we have the same petite size the only difference is that I am 10 years younger than her.

We had lobsters, crayfish, satay, mee gorang . . sinful supper I should say.

Smoking away and catching up about our lives,

problems we faced, may it be single [ me ] or married [ Jo ].

Jo just said something to me which i feel its so damn bloody true.

You will meet that someone,

feeling unusual,

you freaked yourself out to realise OMG,

you are thinking to face this particular person for the rest of your life.

Thats what happened to Jo and Lex 10 years ago.

Although disagreements arise,

but somehow each of them know,

no one is gotta give up.

At the bottom of their heart they knows this is the hand I would want to hold on to till I am old and grey.

He flashes through my mind instantly,

and I was telling Jo,

well what I feel may not be what he feels.

I may stay determine in a way,

but somehow I just wouldn't know when would he decided to give us up again.

Myopia in love

I suppose I am suffering from a myopia in love.

My view is unknown,

I just couldn't differentiate what is true and what is untrue anymore.

I just keep walking on with my eyes closed, and ears blocked.

I just feel with my heart with an unknown outcome.

It may end up to be scram or an outcome out of expectation.

I really have got no idea what it will be like.

But I will still keep on walking,

walking through the fog with my slightest faith

and hopefully I will see you at the end of the mist welcoming me with your open arms and assuring me you will not hurt me anymore.

Please dont make my love for you turn me into the dumbest woman on earth.

妈妈

I remembered the day when I am having a bad flu.

It was last Saturday.

I slept early.

Mum open the door of my room,

walks in and touches my head.

She tugged the blanket for me and lowered the fan speed.

She poured a glass of water and left it by my bedside.

I love you mum.

-

I was talking to his mum over lunch this afternoon,

and he should realise how fortunate he is to have such remarkable mum.

I respect his mum very much and it is definitely a difficult task to bring a kid up by herself.

Being though all the tough times with the greatest love on earth.

His mum teared as she talk,

and I really do felt the kind of hardship she had been through bringing him up all by herself.

She is indeed a remarkable lady to respect.

-

If you happen to see this post, :) remember to give your mum a good back rub tonight as she had a fall during her trip. Give her a warm good hug, with your mask on and tell her, no matter what happen, you will be always be by her side. 你要好好爱你的妈妈，不要再跟她顶嘴。

-

Over my ends, I will give my parents a nice foot massage tonight before I leave for my trip after meeting tomorrow afternoon. I will be back on Sunday. Please drink plenty of water and take good care of yourself when I am away.

香水有毒

我已经很努力了，

可我真的给不了你在很多年前失去的那种感觉。

我只能说，

我用了我所有能给的爱，

就只单纯的希望你能快乐。

-

我曾经听人说过，

吻在额头的意思。

意思是；我原谅你了。

我真的很爱很爱你，

也真的很愿意牵着你的手，

就只对你一个人好，

一直到老。

也应为这样，

我真的受伤了。

Lost my way

Its a freaking hell experience this early morning when I took the expressway back home.

BKE PIE was close therefore I was left with no choice but to turn out from the Kranji Turf club.

I watched the road sign while I puff onto my cigs and turned into Kranji.

I thought the I could just take the old woodlands road back but ended myself in the Kranji industrial park,

I passed by the Kranji Dam,

the goat farm . . .

What happened next is the exciting part of the story.

I saw old Choa Chu Kang and I make a turn out.

The road was intense with fog and I turned my high beam on.

The scary part is that,

not a single car to be seen.

I drove fast thou the bends and turns were sharp,

the road is similar to those ghostly cabby folks we used to hear.

Therefore I start to tune into perfect 10 for some R&B.

Guess whats the next sign.

FUCK !!

I landed myself in Lim Chu Kang and whats that?

within seconds,

I see Christian Cemetery,

followed by the Muslim Cemetery

and blah blah blah.

I drove even faster and I come to a traffic light junction.

All of a sudden I feel that I am out of the map.

The bends and turns seems endless.

I saw my saviour FINALLY,

NS man doing some road expedition !!!

ARGH . . .

I pulled over my car,

showed my helpless look,

Please direct me out of this god foresaken place.

Thank god,

after 3 mins of driving,

I saw HDB flats.

Intensified

There is a hefty swirl inside me,

holding me up not to be tore apart.

The madness pain finally overwhelmed.

I was awaken by my massive cough and I told myself that is not the way when I throw out something unexpectable at the washing basin.

* Dont worry its not worms *

I keep telling myself what is mine will be,

and what is not will never be.

This sentence keep running through my mind and I thought I would feel better in a way.

Physically show its way.

It shoo me out of the way.

I hate my body, why does it always give such signals when I my heart start to tear?

I supposed I am so freaking hell weird,

weird Dee'javu dreams which happen over and over again.

Mind tricks,

Bruises start appearing,

physically tricks.

Dont tell me I am a werido psychic,

someone who can predict all the worst outcome but not the great ones.

-

Nothing to complain about,

well thats my choice.

My promise made,

yes, I will still be waiting.

Everything and every promises made to him will remain unchanged.

I am definite,

It can be really a lifetime,

no one can replace the love I've given till its brim.

I have got nothing left to give it to anyone else anymore.

My funeral

Weird enough I dreamt of my own funeral,

Its a simple funeral wake,

I saw myself lying in the coffin, wiped with a smile.

I know I had a peaceful death.

Weird enough I looked thru the glass window,

I was pretty young.

I see alot of people in my wake,

litterally everybody,

some with kids and their husbands (I saw Weiping's husband lolx, some unknown face dont ask me who)

Its gotta be a long list if I will to name everyone out.

they are not smiling and they are not crying.

I didnt get to see my parents in my wake,

probably in my dream,

they are already awaiting for me in heaven.

One by one they walked up to the mike and say things about me.

I was viewing everything as if I am invisible.

I hear every single word each of every dear friends said and I am really touched.

Even the quiet one Arvin spent a good 2 mins speech about me.

I teared when I was asleep and realised it when I woke up,

I remembered this speech clearly and it was given by Johnny.

-

_ Johnny said: :) I got to know her @ Zouk, she was only 20. Remarkable I am now at her wake after so many years. We keep in touch and she is indeed a treasure to many of us. I cant deny that she is so true and generous. I will always remember her smile and the K9 teeth she has. It is difficult not to dote someone like her. She is always so thoughtful, not to gain any respect but sincerely wants people around her to be happy. Lets make a toast to Seven, with her favourite beer.

-

didnt expect that Johnny did appear in my 'dream' funeral.

And Chile Summer my dear accountant whom I got to know through Fannon.

The whole group of them were there,

sounds like a party more than a funeral it just that everything is so cool,

my funeral is theme dark purple and black.

My Sister finally took over dad's business and she did real well with her own concept of gothic and memories of the last journey, no super sad songs but my favourite song from De'sree.

-

I was looking around my own funeral in search for him,

where the hell was him,

why was he not at my funeral?

He finally appeared within my eyes,

dressed in black suit and dark purple tie.

I followed him as he approached my coffin.

I watched him looking at my dead corpse through the window.

He stretches his hand and touches the glass.

He tighten his lips while he looked.

I cried when I see his eyes turned watery.

My dearest please dont be sad, I was crying and telling him at the same time.

He just starred at my corpse,

he said 3 words which broke my heart instantly.

I am sorry.

-

This is just a dream, a dream which makes me cry when I looked though my dream diary. This is only a minor part of it. There is continual episode for this funeral dream, I dont know why. I am a weird person who dreamt of weirdest stuffs in life. But its ok, they make me grow as in my dream everything is so freaking real.

A dream which makes me reminisce of people who left me and one dearest who is almost gone, that was when I learned how to cherish .

This makes me remember how I cried when I saw my friend being cremented many years ago after she suffered a fall.

To all my readers, ya. . . really do treasure everyone around you, especially your family. If you guys alway feel that your mum or dad is nagging too much, well just take it for a fact. Likewise I will never talk back to them, at least this is the minimal I can do because I really love them so much.

I always believe,

one will not tear during a wake unless you realised you haven done enough,

but its too late.

So dear people, remember to tell ur mum and dad you love them always ok. And to treasure all the friends and people who loves and care about you.

so sick

I am ill but my heart is weaker and more fragile than it seems.
I have got nothing to say,
nothing to comment about.
Just a single word after all the truth backdated from the day he decided to prepare black pepper crab breakfast for me.
Utterly disappointed
other than disappointment is there another word to replace something worst than disappointment?
*Those dont worry lar, cook for you* seems like words said just to pacify,
Initially your stomach turns sour,
the gust of body reaction which makes your heart contract.
You just couldn't control the tears,
and
thats the reason why I have got such puffy eyes tonight,
stop asking me why before I punch my scrawny fist out.
She is so tired, ill no longer mentally but with cough and slight flu and she really tired so hard,
so hard and so damn fucking hard to make things work.

0

Stop killing those who really do loves you,

who really care,

.please.

I always tell you to cherish not only myself, but people around you.

I've seen too many,

and feel too many.

Likewise what I told you,

yes,

I love you too much,

I may forgive over and over again which is true.

I will not hold any regrets because I really do care so much.

=

The reason being . . .

Please do not tell me I am sorry at my 'funeral wake'.

Chou down

Fu should get copyrights from butter factory

Had a great night with you guys,

from velvet --> phuture --> butter factory

with the universal adapter to the nivea deodorant.

And all of those went into the jug of orange juice,

OMG.

Thank god Fannon didnt chou the jug of orange juice down his throat after the screams Richard junior and I gave.

Headed home without suppers although Jerry called to invite me for supper with erm as they were leaving phuture for supper.

Argh. . .

Gave a lame excused as I just do not want to head down to Zouk to see "people" get disperse and making myself feel uneasy in a way feeling like strangers somehow.

Thats it for Friday evening.

Time to get some vitaminC, plenty of water and make a pass for yesterday.

The Question

The question he pops last night of how much do I love him.
I didnt give any answers of substances.
Deep in me,
I started pondering and a definite answer surfaced.
I didnt want to freak him out.
I love him,
enough to use the time of my lifetime to see him happy and feel loved.
The love that will not die out with time,
the care that continue till one day he grow old and grey.
I cant compare the love his mum shower him with for the past few decades,
but if he dont get bored over me and is willing to tolerate me for decades,
I will do the same to love him and his mum as well.
If his mum is the woman who love him the most in the universe,
probably I am on the 2nd place.
If we really make things happen in a way,
30 years down the road,
he will still see me lying beside him, giving him the acupuncture massage before bedtime with my wrinkled hands if only he won't mind and brewing tea in the morning for his mum.
Don't give me any scenarios of what would I do for him,
because the answers are just smokescreening my pride.

-

It was last Monday when I collapsed due to my low blood pressure count which is not within my control and that hasn't happen for the past 2 years.

The moment he carried me in his arms before I literally blank out,

the feeling is more than what I can describe as I've never in my life encounter such warmness ever in my life even with my parents.

After that,

I just lied on the bed

watching him preparing warm towels for me.

Thanking him and loving him even more.

-

Enough the story of myself and him.

Hereby showing the greatest appreciation to all the help my dear friends/clients for the trust and assistance in work.

Thank you and I will do a good job not letting you guys down.

Ghost of the GF's past

The truth is,

the lesser you invest your love in a relationship,

the more control you'll have over it.

~ ~

Sometimes you control and choose not to give all the love you have,

but somehow,

without realising it,

you've already given all you can.

The bumble bee in White

Mazda 121.

The bumble bee hubhub own,

but in Yellow which gives the name bumble bee.

Adorable and vintage with a sunroof

:x

I know that he doesn't sound happy as things are not going fine on his path.
In a way or another,
the littlest thing I can do is to stay around his side with sincere encouragement.
True and faithful prayers hopping soon to be answered.
I have never abandon the faith to see him getting on track and excel one day.
I really did not.
I know at times,
he feels real confuse and that is when he start to doubt.
How I wish I can give a warm hug to him right now as an encouragement to ease the doubtful mind of his.
My heart did sank upon hearing his dishearten tone of voice.
How I really wish there is something more I can do.
I really do.
I will be always here,
right in the little unnoticed corner saying my prayers, encouraging you during doubts and affirming who you deem you are.
I know and I am sure,
我老公是个好演员 !!!
不管发生什么事，我一直都会在。
不要灰心，因为我相信宝宝是可以的!

我会一直牵着你的手，为你祈祷，

因为我不会放弃你，

所以你也不能放弃。

你一定要加油 !!!

? ? ? ? ?

In general,

we often conclude and dictate the men we met,

we are the ones who gave choices and open options to the others.

I am really puzzled with things happening around me,

there is absolutely no intention of being paranoid or whatsoever.

Things just happen in a way not intended to be known but somehow they are discovered unintentionally.

Its the matter of fact that I am doing whatever I can to make things work,

and I get really puzzled with tons of question marks.

I just do not know how to describe the kind of feeling I am having now.

Everything is falling into a spiral no matter how hard I've tried.

I really tried very hard and I really did.

It is just comprehensive feelings of asking myself, am I not doing enough which result in disappointment over and over again.

I do little things for him,

probably in his eyes,

they are just the slightest of actions.

They might be minor actions example, doing whatever which is to my best ability just to help.

Preparing milk shakes, spending few minutes of each meeting with nice back rubs, blah blah . . .

at least.

those are little gestures which I am confident that I will be able to do it for the one and only him, not just for now, or

for a spur of the moment,

but a slient promise of lifetime commitment if he allows that to happen.

-

Feels so bad for the mistake I made this afternoon, Arghh... How can I allow such mistakes. ARgHH. I am sorry for the trouble made.

只想。。

我只想我唯一的宝宝天天都是快乐的。

我不想要只有我一個人快樂。

我要你也快樂。

Thank You Wu Brown brown

Appreciation for waking up early so early in the morning after late night clubbing last evening.

Whipping up such a sumptuous meal.

You know I've always love crabs.

-

Feelings for the day : Really happy but afraid at the same time. Because you will never know when you'll get to lose it again one day.

Self prepared dinner

He whipped up a self prepared lunch with sumptuous black pepper crab,

crayfish and fresh steam prawns.

The smile on my face implicated the joy I had when I indulge myself in the lovely meals he prepared.

But there is this feeling barging behind my back,

I feel the stress in my hubhubie which I do not know why and what is the cause of it.

He dont seems to be happy in a way and I have no idea of what the underlying reason behind his stress.

I sincerely hope I am not the cause of his stress.

I just feel that he feel disturbed in a way or another and I shall not probe further although I will be more than glad if he will to share the cause of what is bothering him with me.

I dont want my hubhub to be unhappy.

-

I realised that I am always the one behind the scene,

(Like the staff for back drops, music, lighting, props and miscellaneous little stuffs before a play can be perform smoothly and applaused by the audiences)

preparing the stuffs for the BBQ chalet a day before official, rubbing his aching back to relieve his ache, giving him a warm nice hug with my skinny arms, washing and cleaning up on my own accord, helping him with what I can within my means without any expectation of return.

Those are the things I will never imagine myself doing in the past as I am pretty pampered in a way, most of my relationship do not allow me to do any of those.

Probably just a 5 mins of massage on the back of others (excluding dad, as he deserves it) will leave me complaining for hours of the day.

When situation comes to him,

he is like a piece of flesh of my body,

so precious and too painful to remove it.

All I want to see, is him being lighten off loads,

there is little effort which I can do,

but sincerely hope that it does help a little.

-

He asked me to choose a ring from his pack of gifts he brought back from Thailand and I refused to ( turned and looked at the tin carousal he gave 2 weeks ago, beside the carousal is the tiara he gave last Christmas, the pink rocking horse on his trip to Bali and my first gift from him, the violin musical box on my last birthday),

Each and every item symbolises something which I labelled on a small slip of paper attached to it.

They all mean alot to me in different phase of our relationship.

Each of them symbolises something unachievable by monetary means which is the feeling I had upon receiving each and every of his gift.

-

I do not know if he realise it,

the wooden piano I assembled,

sanding it on the rough sand paper and painting it over and over again to make the gloss.

That was a gift from him to me,

and returned with greatest misses during his Bali trip last year,

each coating of paint induces the amount of love I really had for him,

finished with a velvet love symbol on the edge,

and the assembling of the giver of love below the grand piano.

:)

VU celebration

Firstly congrats to Kel Lim for being the top for entrepreneurs award.

Its a pretty grand and well recognised Gala night as everyone is so nicely dressed up in D&G suits, Hugo Boss and blah blah designers.

*Claps claps*

Its a night for celebration,

more like a cocktail party session at VU rather than our usual clubs.

We just got our glasses refilled via the servers as and when, may we be walking around or at the smoking bar.

Servers bring glasses of wines, liquor to where we are which is pretty privileged in a way.

Till the extend that our table is like a mini bar.

Once awhile some Bimbos will come hang around our table,

and just get themselves into our own private jokes they wouldn't even know.

I am glad I am never qualify as a BIMBO, thank god I do not have a C cup.

Sebest and his new nick given by R2,

and I was pratically laughing my ass off for the whole night.

They are just so freaking cute.

I didnt know FLG is so comical until the joke of his belt comes along and the hook he claimed he used to drive his car.

and the 500GB hilarious XXX under private conversation they said they would cut a share for my preview,

from koreans to taiwanese to tang dynasty.

Bitching about those leaves Besties brought along and funny drunk signs he used to made.

They are a group of lovely people.

The first thing when they see me when I walked to the table,

they are like KAIQI SEVEN,

you went missing for 2 weeks.

I am pretty surprise that alot of them actually remembers me more than I do,

I am always the quiet one around well behave not to get involve with airheads sitting around for free drinks.

The "Boss" was asking me,

what kind of guy are you looking for to setter down with?

pick any guy from our table,

they are at least a Multi-millionaire.

I looked at him,

blanked for awhile and said,

if I will be able to do that,

I'll be married to a well-to-do doctor few years ago.

If falling in-love is that easy, he wont be single till now.

Money gives more options in life, but not love.

I had a great night with you guys,

the top designers, inventors of technology and happy bunch of lovely guys who really made me

laugh from the purest of my heart till my cheeks went numb and sebest to knock over his drinks to wet FLG.

Appreciated and thanks for making my evening a wonderful one.

Sincerely

开心吗?

看见西瓜先生和小姐

Sincerely

Truly

Thank you

For sharing your life with me once again.

To allow me to love you and stay by your side,

to hold your hands tight,

to scratch your back at night,

and

to hug you with all the love I have.

To feel close to you when we are apart,

and to know that you love me equally much.

Thank you.

-

Comments : Its great and joyful, thank you for the delicious crab feast you prepared. Lets get back to work and get work done alright. At the end of our accomplished work, then we reward ourselves with 西瓜先生 和 西瓜小姐 ok :)

CAST away

Its a great show and it gives a different feeling many years down the road to watch it again.
How Tom Hanks survive in a remote island holding onto the faith he had to see the one he love again after 5 years.
The hope for something which is close to nothing,
having it close to his heart when he is alone,
and eventually loses it when he realised Kelly got married.
In Kelly's role,
I was thinking, how can she give up?
Give up in him since she loved him so much.
Its only 5 years.
Yes,
although its just a movie.
In real life under such circumstances,
probably I will be the stubborn one who will hold it on even though all claimed that the one I love is dead.
If he is really dead, show me the corpse.
or else
I will be the one who stand firm to believe that he is alive.
I truly feel that true love can withstand the corrosion of time.
May it be 20 or 30 years,
it will always be there.

Brown Sugar

It was Tuesday,

the first screening of Short film Brown Sugar.

The pain of a lady who loses her husband in the incident of the collapses of the new world hotel during the 1980s.

The pain of her memories of the past,

the voice of her love in a telephone recording machine.

Rewinding and playing back voice of him.

I put myself in the shoes of her and wonder what will happen to myself if the person I love will to leave me forever.

The kind of eternal pain which can never be heal for the someone you love.